Answer: Once I was talking with high school students. Of course, the guys began to ask questions, and most of all they were interested in my private life. They asked where they trained to become a priest, what my “salary” was, and so on. A question was also asked about what a clergyman's wife should be like. I replied that the mother (the priest’s wife), first of all, should be an Orthodox, pious Christian and, naturally, maintain virginity until marriage, like the priest himself. And then modern schoolchildren were very surprised: “Where can I find such a girl? Do they even exist? For a modern young man, the idea that it is possible and even necessary to keep oneself pure until marriage seems ridiculous. In fact, of course, there are, thank God, young men and women who are celibate. Otherwise, we would not have such a number of people willing to enter theological seminaries, and there would be no one to become priests’ companions. I also know from confession that, although the corrupt spirit of the times overwhelms Orthodox, church youth, most of them retain their integrity until marriage.
It can be very difficult to explain to modern secular young men and women why they should remain celibate. They think that the debauchery that has become the norm now has always been there. And I remember the time when the norm for a girl was to preserve herself for the only man - her husband.
Let's start with what it is chastity. This is a complete wisdom, and it lies not only in physical integrity (you can remain a virgin in body, but commit terrible debauchery in your mind, and vice versa - live in a pious marriage and save your soul from sin), but also in a correct, integral, unclouded view of the opposite floor, in the purity of the soul. Carnal, intimate relationships between a man and a woman are not a sin in themselves and are even blessed by God, but only when they are committed in a legal marriage. Everything outside of marriage is fornication and violates the Divine establishment, which means that those who commit fornication go against the Lord. Fornication is a sin, lawlessness, violation of the commandment: “fornicators... will not inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 6: 9–10). Unless, of course, they repent and stop returning to sin. A person, by allowing himself to have sexual relations before marriage, violates his spiritual nature and greatly weakens his will, opening the gates to sin: he has already given up the slack, and it is very difficult for him to resist temptations. Having not learned to abstain before marriage, he will not be abstinent in marriage and will not be miraculously reborn. If for a guy to “sleep” with a girl is as easy as taking her to the cinema, then he will just as easily give himself permission to indiscreet glances around, being married, and then to cheating in marriage. By violating his virginity before marriage, a person loses a lot; he will never be able to feel those joyful experiences, novelty, and purity of relationships that are given to chaste people. Sexual relationships do not pass without a trace, and people who had several partners before marriage will take it all into the family, which, of course, will greatly harm both their loved ones and themselves. Previous relationships and sexual experiences can be extremely vivid impressions, and they will greatly interfere with the establishment of good, harmonious relationships in the family - as one popular hit song says: “And when I hug her, I still remember about you.” And it is quite possible that a guy “with experience,” hugging and kissing his wife, will at that moment be thinking about something completely different.
Most men (with rare exceptions) want to marry a virgin and be the first man in the life of the woman they love. Nobody wants to be second, sixth or fifteenth. Anyone will prefer a new, untouched one to a used one.
I once listened to a conversation between an Orthodox psychologist and a woman, and she said that among young people she heard the term “used girl.” It is very accurately said: they used it and found another one.
Sexual energy is a huge force, the energy of the sex, and a person simply must learn to keep it under control, otherwise he risks turning into a sexually preoccupied, sick person both physically and mentally. Sexual energy, in addition to its main and great goal - procreation and strengthening love between spouses, has one more property. If a person has not yet created a family, but does not waste his sexual energy on fornication and mental fornication, it can be used by him for “peaceful purposes”, realized in creativity, work, and any other activity. And there can be no harm from abstinence. Look at the Orthodox monasteries. The bulk of their inhabitants are strong, healthy, still young men, many of whom took monasticism almost as young men. Both the monks feel very well both spiritually and physically. Why? They have the right disposition towards abstinence and chastity. They fight against lustful thoughts, and do not kindle them in themselves. But people who strive for family life will only be happy in marriage when they learn to control their animal instincts and subordinate the flesh to the spirit. By the way, about animals. Female monkeys allow males to approach them on average once every two years, exclusively for procreation. An animal, unlike a person, uses its instincts as needed and will never harm itself.
Any state that cares about the health of the nation will care about morality and promote abstinence, as happened in America, exhausted by the consequences of the sexual revolution. Since 1996, a program for young people has been introduced there, which is called “Abstinence Training.” Hundreds of millions of dollars are being spent on this program. Unfortunately, I did not find more recent data, but in 2007 it was still in effect; I think it still works. Anyone interested in finding out what fruits this program produced can easily find this data on the Internet. The results there are very impressive.
In addition to the fact that sin destroys the spiritual and physical nature, it is a violation of spiritual laws. They exist objectively, regardless of our will, just like the laws of physics. You may not believe that gravity exists, but if you step out of a fifth-floor window, you will break or be seriously injured. By violating spiritual laws, we damage the structure of our soul, inflict a wound on it and then pay for it. If people do not maintain purity before marriage, if before the wedding the future spouses were in illegal cohabitation, if they cheated on their wives or husbands, this does not pass without a trace. In marriage and simply in life, they will pay for this with sorrows, family troubles and problems. I know many examples where in couples where the spouses began sexual activity before marriage, adultery and family conflicts began very soon.
Question : My son lives with a girl. He says that he wants to marry her later, but how can he decide to take such a responsible step without getting to know each other, without living together, because so many marriages are falling apart now. What can you answer him?
Answer: Here it is necessary to touch upon a very important topic, which is directly related to mistakes in the premarital period.
Many young people believe that those who want to get married should definitely try to live a carnal life before marriage. That this, they say, will save them from mistakes, allow them to get to know each other better and generally show whether they are sexually compatible or not, otherwise you only hear about hasty marriages and quick divorces. There is a rule: practice is the criterion of truth. You can create as many theories as you like and say beautiful words, but check it in practice and everything will immediately become clear. Let's start with the fact that with the increase in the number of “trial marriages,” the number of divorces only began to increase sharply, and the number of registered marriages sharply decreased. Why? There are statistics that only 5% of cohabitations or “trial marriages” end in registration. And if young people do enter into a legal marriage after experiencing cohabitation, then such marriages break up twice as often as without experience of cohabitation. By the way, such figures are not only in our country. In the USA in Pittsburgh, experts from Penn State University studied the family life of about 1,500 American couples. It turned out that couples who lived together before marriage were twice as likely to experience divorce. And family life in these families is accompanied by b O more quarrels and conflicts. At the same time, for the purity and accuracy of the study, data from different years were taken: the 60s, 80s and 90s of the 20th century. This means something is wrong. People try and try - but the number of divorces keeps growing; they want to get to know each other better, but they can’t stay married.
The fact is that in a trial marriage the partners are not recognized Yu t each other, but everyone gets even more confused.
The premarital period is given so that the bride and groom go through the school of relationships without any admixture of passion, riotous hormones and permissiveness, which greatly interfere with objectively assessing a person, seeing in him not a sexual object, but a person, a friend, a future spouse. In a “trial marriage,” the brain and feelings are clouded by the intoxication of passion. And when people later start a family, very often they understand: everything that connected them was not love, but a strong sexual attraction, which, as we know, passes quite quickly. So it turns out that there are complete strangers in the same family. The bride and groom are given a period of courtship precisely so that they learn abstinence, get to know each other better, not as sexual partners, not sharing a common life, living space and bed, but from a completely different - pure, friendly, human, if you like - romantic side.
Another very common mistake of modern times is the so-called “civil marriage”. For convenience, I use this very deceitful and incorrect expression and in the future I will conditionally call this an illegal marriage, without state registration and wedding.
The falsehood of this name is obvious. A civil marriage can only be called something that those who like to live without registration are running away from - that is, a legally established marriage registered in the civil registry office.
This body exists to record the state of the citizens of the state: they were born, started a family, or died. And the residence of two persons of different sexes without registration is called cohabitation in legal language. I already wrote about “civil marriage” in my book “Small Church”.
Why is state registration of marriage needed? We live in a state, we are its citizens and, whether we like it or not, we must comply with the laws of our country. Everyone has passports, birth certificates and many other documents. When a new person is born, his birth is registered in the registry office and a certificate is issued. That is, they indicate that a new citizen was born in the Russian Federation, and he will live in accordance with the laws that apply in the country. He must be registered somewhere, registered with a doctor, etc. He has his rights and will have responsibilities. Marriage and family are also the birth of something new, a unit of the state, a single organism, a family. Family is not only our personal matter, but also a state institution. The family has its own rights and responsibilities, its interests must be protected, its life is partially regulated by the laws of the country.
This is why a “civil marriage” cannot be called either a marriage or a family. However, many people living in a “civil marriage” are fully confident that they, too, have started a family. They agreed among themselves that they were husband and wife and lived together.
We often hear advocates of “civil marriage” speak with great hostility and even hatred about the marriage stamp in a passport as an “empty formality,” “an ink blot,” or “a clapper in a document.” But for some reason they don’t consider the other “blot” - the registration stamp - an empty formality, but on the contrary, they rush to put it after receiving a warrant for the apartment. This means that they are not afraid of the stamp, but of the responsibility that comes with registering a marriage. If a person truly loves, the stamp in the passport is not a problem for him; if it is a problem, it means he doesn’t love.
Artist Mikhail Boyarsky said that at one time his wife gave him a choice: either let’s break up or get married. He said he didn't want to break up with her. “Then get married,” she said. “Why do I need this stamp in my passport? “It doesn’t mean anything,” he replied. “If it doesn’t mean anything, then what’s the problem?” – she asked. Indeed, if you love, there is no problem: you took it and signed it; but if you are unsure of your feelings, you will run from marriage like fire. It must be said that Mikhail Sergeevich nevertheless met Larisa halfway, they registered their marriage and have been married for more than 30 years.
Supporters of “free relationships” often refer to the fact that in ancient times there was no registration at all, people lived as they wanted. It is not true. Marriage has always existed, just the legal norms were different. By the way, the presence of marriage is one of the differences between a person and an animal.
In Tsarist Russia, for example, marriage was registered in a church, mosque or synagogue; in the Roman Empire, a marriage contract was signed in the presence of witnesses; ancient Jews also signed marriage documents; somewhere the marriage was concluded simply in front of witnesses (in ancient times, a promise made in the presence of witnesses was sometimes stronger than a written document), but one way or another, the newlyweds testified before God, before each other and the entire state or community that from now on they were husband and wife and live according to the laws established in a given society. The spouses took the state as evidence that they were now not just two individuals, but already a family and undertake to bear responsibility for each other and for their common children.
After marriage, the legal wife and legitimate children also received the class and property privileges due to them. This is how marriage differs from prodigal cohabitation. By the way, promiscuity (promiscuous sexual relations that allegedly existed among archaic tribes) is the same historical fiction as matriarchy. Almost all dictionaries or reference books say so: “Promiscuity is alleged the stage of unrestricted relations between the sexes, preceding the establishment in human society of any norms of marriage and family forms. In the 19th century, promiscuity was mistakenly considered the oldest form of gender relations in primitive society" (Sexological Dictionary).
Of course, there were a lot of things in history besides marriage, in some countries monstrous debauchery reigned, in the Roman Empire there was concubinage - legalized cohabitation, but no one considered it marriage. Of course, the forms of marriages themselves were different, sometimes completely unacceptable for Christians (for example, polygamy). But even with polygamy, there were legal wives, whose status was very different from the position of concubines and mistresses.
Besides the fact that “civil marriage” is a false and deceptive phenomenon and is only an illusion of the family, it also does not allow partners to build their relationships. Sometimes a “civil marriage” is called infertile. Firstly, because cohabitants, as a rule, are afraid to have children: they can’t figure out their relationship, why do they need extra problems, troubles and responsibility? Secondly, “civil marriage” cannot give birth to anything new; it is sterile in spiritual and even spiritual terms. When people create a legal family, they take on responsibility. When getting married, a person decides to live with his spouse all his life, go through all the trials together, share both joy and sorrow in half. He no longer feels separate from his soul mate, and spouses, willy-nilly, must come to unity, learn to bear each other’s burdens, build their relationships, interact and - most importantly - learn to love each other. Just as a person has parents, brothers, sisters, and with them, like it or not, he must learn to get along, find a common language, otherwise life in the family will become unbearable, so in marriage - between husband and wife.
One modern Russian psychologist called “civil marriage” a ticket with an open date: “Partners always know that they have a ticket, therefore, if something goes wrong, at any moment - give up, and be healthy, happily stay. With this approach, there is no motive to fully invest in a relationship, because it’s like renovating a rented apartment.”
This is why so few “civil marriages” end in registration. People initially do not perceive their union as something significant, serious and permanent, their relationship is shallow, freedom and independence are more valuable to them. And even the years spent together do not add confidence to them or add strength to their union.
“Civil marriage” can also be called a “school of irresponsibility.” People gathered without any obligations; if they didn’t like it, they fled: the door was open to everyone. The partners came together for mutual irresponsible pleasure, and not for “bearing each other’s burdens.” No one owes nothing to nobody. And the relationship itself does not imply any depth. Life in a “civil marriage” can be compared to a pleasure ride on a bus, where you can get off at any stop.
But it happens that “civil marriage” turns into a kind of psychological slavery.
Women suffer the most from “civil marriage,” of course. They often find themselves in a very humiliating position. It would seem that everyone is free and can leave at any time, but it turns out that getting off this “bus” for a woman can sometimes be very difficult psychologically. By nature, women are more dependent and less decisive creatures than men. And their unscrupulous roommates take advantage of this. It is known that the overwhelming majority of women in a state of cohabitation would like to legalize their relationship. Any woman is looking for stability and reliability for herself and for her children. But the decision, as always, remains with men. And so other “slaves of love” suffer for years, wait and ask their partners to formalize a legal marriage, but they only feed them with promises and say beautiful words about their “high informal relationships.” “And the years fly, our years fly by like birds...” Moreover, the best years, youth. And now, somewhere after 35, a woman begins to understand that she has less and less chance of getting married, but she often doesn’t have the strength to leave cohabitation: what if she never meets anyone else and remains single for the rest of her life? And it turns out that the abnormal, suspended state of cohabitation does not allow her to build a normal relationship with her man and also does not allow her to find, perhaps, true love, start a family, have children and be happy.
Family Orthodox psychologist I.A. Rakhimova, in order to show people in a “civil marriage” the falsity and meaninglessness of their condition, offers such couples a test: to test their feelings, stop physical relations for a while (say, two months). And if they agree to this, then there are usually two options: either they break up - if they were connected only by passion, or they get married, which also happens. Abstinence and patience allow you to look at each other in a new way, to love without any admixture of passion.
I usually give similar advice too. I explain why cohabitation without marriage is a sin and what consequences it has, and I suggest: if you do not have serious intentions of getting married, it is better to separate: such a state will not lead to anything good. If young people want to legitimize their relationship, I advise them to stop intimate communication before marriage. After all, not everything is limited to this; you can make friends, communicate, show your tenderness and affection in some other way. Then, really, you can get to know each other better.
Most young people today, unfortunately, do not have the skill of independent thinking. They live by inertia, by standards imposed from outside. As V. Vysotsky once sang: “What do we see, speak, besides television?” What's on TV? “Dom-2” and talk show “About This”. Ksyusha Sobchak and other glamorous divas tell us how to live. Young people consume it all and don’t think at all that, having “taken everything from life” at the age of 20, in middle age you will no longer be able to take anything. There will be no health, no normal family, no happiness. All this is very sad, because in youth the foundation of a future full life is laid. Education is acquired, a family is created, children are born. Then it will be difficult to do this, and for many it will even be too late.
Of course, it’s easy to be like everyone else, not to stand out from the crowd, according to the principle “everyone ran and I ran.” I remember a conversation with the assistant inspector of the seminary. When, while studying at theological schools, I did something wrong and, justifying myself, said: “But still they do this...”, he asked me: “And if tomorrow everyone jumps into the well, will you also jump after them?” The Monk Barsanuphius of Optina said: “Try to live as God commands, and not as everyone else lives, because the world lies in evil.” He said this in the 19th century, especially since these words can be attributed to our century.
The main thing to remember is that the path of debauchery, debauchery, and sin is the road to destruction; it will never lead to happiness. People who made mistakes in their youth suffer greatly from this in the second half of their lives - first of all, with remorse, because this voice of God speaks in every person. There are not so many young people who remain celibate and do not cohabitate before marriage, but “fear not, little flock!” (Luke 12:32) says the Lord. But the spiritual and moral minority is always stronger, stronger than the slack and weak-willed majority and is even capable of influencing it. We see an example of this in the history of Christianity itself, when a small community of Christians managed to change the consciousness of the Roman Empire, mired in paganism and debauchery. And those who keep themselves pure for marriage will receive a reward: the joy, blessing and help of God in marriage.
What should people do who have not preserved themselves in purity and chastity due to isolation from faith and traditions? The Lord heals our wounds, as long as the person sincerely repents, confesses his sins and corrects himself. A Christian is given a chance to change himself and his life, although this is not at all easy.
Having embarked on the path of correction, one must not look back to the past; then the Lord will certainly help everyone who sincerely turns to Him. And one more thing: if your chosen one or chosen one has a negative premarital experience, under no circumstances should you be interested in the person’s sinful past and reproach him for it.
(To be continued.)
I have been very interested in one important question for a long time. Why have I never seen such a phrase as “YOUTH CHASTITY” anywhere? Information about “GIRL” and a ton of facts are being spread everywhere about how useful it is for a girl to protect her virginity, but, as a rule, the issue of chastity in MEN is tactfully avoided. That's why?
Based on the fact that maiden chastity is being popularized, and in the tail behind it (or even as a shadow from the tail) YOUTH CHASTITY is trailing in an unclear position, and all the insistent recommendations of the sages regarding “DO NOT FORTURN” in 99% of cases fall precisely on the shoulders of girls, then one gets the impression that it is the girls who are to blame for the phenomenon of debauchery, therefore those who are wise teach them chastity, and not the boys.
But somehow I haven’t heard of girls tricking guys into sex. Somehow it turns out the other way around... But girls themselves don’t have a particular tendency to go after a guy for sex. The overwhelming majority of cases of early and premarital sexual relations are a result of pressure, almost psychological terrorism on the part of the male half. So maybe guys don’t need to put pressure on girls, and they, our beautiful goddesses, will themselves be happy to “do this only after the wedding”?
Religions and philosophies written by men are written for men, not for women. Real wisdom can only be written jointly by women and men.
So if an article is being written about chastity, the ideal option would be to focus on both at once - both GIRL CHASTITY and YOUTH CHASTITY. But I understand that no one will really do this, because it is very inconvenient and “caustic” for the men themselves, so my expression of will is my principle and I do not impose it on anyone, just to level the scales from patriarchy to harmony, I’ll have to throw a little “matriarchy” onto the second, now empty bowl. And then the foundations will smoothly balance.
The criterion for understanding harmony depends on the level of development of a particular woman and a particular man. For many, a pile of law or even an ordinary Peter’s house-building will look like harmony. But there are other people who need harmony on a deeper level, which naturally cannot be read anywhere at the moment. Actually, my post is addressed to them. It is to them that I give my attention. For the rest of us, there are many resources filled to the brim with conventional science and philosophy. Nothing personal, but I don’t see the point in proving anything particularly vehemently, because the answers to your questions are too obvious and there’s nothing special to think about here
@Sergey Pavlov.
Attitudes towards virginity have changed over the centuries. However, it was unambiguous and understandable. Today there are different opinions about girlish purity. Of course, women are interested in what men think about virginity.
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In the West, girls have long stopped keeping their virginity for their wedding night. This is considered a relic of the past. If a young girl loses her chastity before marriage, no one will judge her.
In Russia, they look at girlish purity more simply: they don’t condemn it, but they don’t approve of it either. It is believed that it is a personal matter for each girl to protect chastity for the handsome prince or not. The points of view of men on this issue differ.
Why do men like girlish purity?
Statistics show that most girls lose their chastity before the age of 16. A small percentage of girls lose their virginity between the ages of 16 and 18.
There are very few of those who managed to preserve their purity until adulthood, without ceasing to dream of a worthy chosen one
Some men are very pleased to find out that their girlfriend is still a virgin. Trust, respect and devotion appear. Usually such relationships develop well. It happens that both the man is a virgin and the girl has no sexual experience. Then the partners learn together - with the help of literature, videos and their own feelings.
An innocent girl is more likely to be chosen by a guy who is fixated on his own techniques in sex. An innocent partner can be trained to your own standards. This will not work with an experienced woman, but a virgin will be obedient in bed.
A shy guy or an insecure man will be happy with an innocent girl. The partner has no one to compare her lover with, which means that no one will notice some male shortcomings.
Unpretentiousness, purity and the opportunity to teach the wisdom of sex are, of course, strong arguments in favor of girlish purity. However, most often men avoid such relationships
Why men don't want to deal with virgins
A man who values the pleasure he gets from sex is unlikely to be happy with a virgin partner. An innocent girl cannot reveal herself, feel her partner, or catch a wave of passion during her first sex. Deprivation of virginity most often bears little resemblance to full-fledged sexual contact; there is nothing to even dream about.
Male psychology is a funny thing. Guys believe that losing virginity is a huge responsibility, that you need to lift your partner to the pinnacle of bliss during the first sex, no less. Of course this is not true. Female orgasm is a serious problem for many; a sexologist will tell you more about this. Nevertheless, men are afraid to take on such a burden.
Moreover, having sex with an innocent girl will require patience and a willingness to compromise. Courting a virgin is like turning a part on a machine. Not every guy has these qualities. Some men themselves are just gaining experience, so they avoid relationships with virgins.
Starting today we will talk about one sensitive topic: the topic of chastity. Modern society really does not like it and bypasses it, although it contains the foundations of self-respect, honor, health, cultural level of a person - everything that makes us human and distinguishes us from animals. What kind of concept is this, what it means and what it consists of - we will learn from this article.
Chastity is a fairly broad concept. In Ozhegov’s dictionary, “chastity” is interpreted as virginity, as well as strict morality and purity.
In the “Encyclopedic Dictionary” of the teacher “Fundamentals of Spiritual Culture” Bezrukova V.S. the following explanation of chastity is given: “A positive spiritual and moral quality of a person, expressed in innocence, holistic wisdom, purity of thoughts and preservation of a girl’s virginity before marriage. This is one of the highest human qualities, valued in Russian Orthodox culture as virtue, as spirituality, as holiness of behavior. A girl's chastity is preserving her natural integrity, avoiding fornication and impurity in sexual relations. Orthodoxy warns that unchastity, that is, early and promiscuous sexual intercourse, leads to illness, bitterness, devastation of the soul, and the collapse of the strength of family life. Chaste people distinguish between true and false love, spiritual and physical; they know what “loyalty” and “sacrifice” are.
Babenko’s “Large Explanatory Dictionary of Russian Nouns” gives the following interpretation of chastity: “The property of a person who has high moral qualities, moral impeccability (honesty, truthfulness, selflessness, purity).”
The Milanese bishop Ambrose of Milan in the 4th century identified three forms of chastity: chastity of virginity, chastity of spouses and chastity of widowhood. According to him, each of these forms is important and none of them is more virtuous than the other. In Rus', the word “honor” was used more often. We all know the proverb “Take care of your dress again, but take care of your honor from a young age.” Words such as “virginity, honor, morality, innocence, purity, purity” are often used as synonyms for the word “chastity.”
Any religion calls for chastity; it is believed that the vow of chastity is necessary for the spiritual growth of a person and is an integral part of morality. The word “chastity” contains two words - “whole” and “wisdom”, which is often interpreted as the unification of spirit and body into one whole, that is, a person ceases to be guided only by instincts and looks at life wider and deeper, which is what wisdom. Chastity, like any vow, must be observed on three levels: body, speech and mind. Chastity at the level of the body is mainly modest dress and behavior; at the level of speech - this is the absence of bad words, ambiguous phrases, sexual overtones, moral speech filled with meaning; at the level of the mind - monitoring and suppressing the occurrence of lustful thoughts.
You need to understand that no one is talking about the absence of sexual relations at all, we are talking about the purity of the relationship between a man and a woman, that we should not make intercourse the basis of the relationship or reduce it to a base disrespectful attitude towards each other. On the contrary, this act must be filled with the highest meaning of creation.
Women's nature is radically different from the nature of men. It is a woman who has such qualities as tenderness, the ability to bring beauty, to care, and to create comfort. All these qualities are necessary to fulfill your destiny associated with motherhood, the embodiment of new life into this world. No matter what contemporaries say, motherhood is a woman’s key ability that distinguishes her from a man. And to realize this ability, her life must be different, not the same as that of the stronger sex. A woman’s behavior, speech, appearance - everything she does is of a completely different nature, it is aimed at creating, creating, improving, maintaining harmony in this world. A woman's life should contribute to the improvement of her family. Female energy is much stronger than male energy; it is capable of changing almost any man, both for the better and for the worse, depending on where it is aimed. For this reason, when talking about chastity, the emphasis is primarily on women. There is an opinion that if a woman complains that her husband drinks or beats, then first of all she needs to look for the reason in herself. A good wife is able to awaken the potential in her husband and make sure that he realizes it next to her. Only a chaste woman can become holistic and wise, one who primarily pursues the interests of her husband, as well as the one who is BEHIND her husband, and family. Naturally, such a woman will have a worthy husband, and their children will grow up to be good people.
The absence of female chastity violates universal peace, since it is the woman who has always personified peace, tranquility, tenderness, care, comfort, and motherhood. In the subconscious of every person, the image of a woman evokes a feeling of security. For example, if a person walks late at night and sees a company in which there is a woman, this company is automatically perceived as less dangerous than a purely male one. That is, the very presence of a woman can harmonize space with her mere presence. But does a modern woman carry this image, does she correspond to it? First of all, this manifests itself through appearance. Nowadays, even modest girls often dress revealingly. Mothers and grandmothers no longer tell their children about loyalty to one and only husband, about maintaining one’s purity before marriage, or about the importance of a complete family.
Female chastity, first of all, is expressed in a woman’s appearance, in her behavior, in fidelity to her husband, in caring for children, in housekeeping, in joyful peace and state of mind. Coming home to such a wife, the husband feels calm, no matter what “battle” he returns from. Home is the place where you want to return, where you are understood, expected, you are always welcome, it is the woman who creates this atmosphere. Wherever such a woman appears, the surrounding space will become friendlier and brighter.
Chastity in a girl is expressed as modesty, maintaining virginity until marriage. A chaste girl does not drink alcohol, does not smoke, does not use foul language, is meek, does not look impudently into the eyes, especially of men, laughs and dresses modestly. But this does not mean that she is boring and uninteresting, she can be quite active in life, it’s just that her interests lie in a different plane.
Now there is an opinion that to be a chaste girl is to maintain virginity until adulthood. This is undoubtedly important from the point of view of the maturation of the psyche and the full physical development of the body, but not exactly what we are talking about. Chastity in a girl should be maintained not by age, but until marriage, then she will not lose honor, but will pass it on to her husband. Chastity in a girl is indicated by her understanding that intercourse with her husband is the door to her new qualities: motherhood and becoming a woman.
In other words, chastity is not just remaining a virgin until adulthood, it is waiting for your one and only, giving yourself to him after marriage and remaining faithful to him until the end of your days. Here it is worth clarifying that marriage is considered not so much a stamp in a passport, but rather when lovers made vows to each other and announced their relationship to the world.
Often girls pretend to each other that, they say, “they had everything,” although in reality they did not. I would like to ask such girls not to be ashamed of their purity, but, on the contrary, to be proud of their inaccessibility. In fact, young people like and respect modest girls much more than promiscuous girls. Chaste girls, as a rule, do not experience difficulties in starting a family, which cannot be said about their antagonists.
Previously, chastity meant preserving the honor of not only a particular girl, but also her entire family; a faithful wife was considered the honor of a man. The tradition of the Russian people said that before marriage a girl must maintain her virginity, and after marriage she must remain faithful to her husband. She became married after the wedding. The tradition was preserved because people had a conscience, an integral part of which is shame. Nowadays it is not customary to be ashamed. If a man suddenly says that he is ashamed of his wife, this will most likely be returned to him as an accusation, and no one cares that she may behave impartially. There is propaganda of total acceptance, European videos are being released where they equate criminals, gays, scientists, drug dealers, saying to tearful music that we are all human, we are all the same and we all need understanding, we are all alone and face difficulties. Most people are drawn to such “quality” videos. Now the tradition of chastity is being methodically exterminated; even if weddings take place, they mean little to the newlyweds, and at the first difficulties they often run away. The so-called happiness is promoted, in pursuit of which people get divorced, even if they have children, presenting it as “Happiness of children means happy parents.” However, most children suffer greatly due to their parents' divorce, but that is another story.
In modern society, chastity is condemned; this topic is not exactly taboo, it is methodically ridiculed, presented as something bad, unmodern and depriving a woman of her freedom. However, in the modern world there is actually no freedom; we are clearly dictated from television screens and magazines how we should look, what we should eat, what we should listen to, what we should be interested in. For example, most women and girls do not wear long skirts or closed clothing precisely because they are afraid of being ridiculed. If the clothing is closed, then by modern standards it must certainly be bright or tight-fitting.
At the present time, sexual pleasures are presented, on the one hand, as something incredible, something to strive for, something to live for, as the highest reward, the purpose of existence, on the other hand, as something easily accessible and everyday. Nowadays there is no mystery of the relationship between a man and a woman; much is put on display. As a result, today you see on a social network how a girl is sitting on the lap of one, and tomorrow she is kissing another, a week later she is relaxing on a foreign beach with a third. But for some reason, the years go by, and she is always with one thing, then with another, no family, no peace - sheer joy.
Chastity as such is absent in our time, in my opinion, because there is no cult of the family, while there is a cult of the body. Previously, girls were afraid that they would not be taken as wives, that they would not be able to give birth to healthy offspring - this was a shame, and they felt not only shame, but also realized their involvement in such an outcome. Nowadays, not every girl is going to not only get married, but also give birth; she is rather afraid of gaining weight and losing her external attractiveness. Starting a family and having children has ceased to be valuable. Well, if a woman in our time cannot give birth, she will blame anyone, but she will not see her own fault in this, she would rather go and have artificial insemination or take an adopted child. Why preserve yourself, live a boring, chaste life, why self-respect, health, a happy family? Who needs this now?
Recently, fortunately, thanks to various information channels and individuals, one can increasingly find adequate information on this topic. Issues of female chastity are raised in connection with the decline of general morality, which leads to the dehumanization of modern people. There are studies that show that the promotion of sexual promiscuity speaks of cultural decline and leads to the fact that a person begins to have a normal attitude towards immoral things and becomes more loyal to the illegal actions of other people, even if he himself does not allow this. In modern language, leaving chastity leads to general tolerance, that is, passivity, the absence of a normal, adequate civic position, one that comes from the mind, and is not launched by interested parties to manage the resulting biomass. Moreover, abandonment of chastity leads to infertility, both male and female.
Few people draw parallels between the molestation of people and their infertility. If, without delving into the details of the processes, you look at the level of childbirth in countries where women are closed and female chastity is cultivated, and countries where so-called women's rights are defended, where women not only go naked, but also wear trousers and go to work on an equal basis with men , drink alcohol, etc., then everything becomes obvious. The higher the molestation, the lower the fertility and the higher the infertility, and vice versa. But who cares now? This, as mentioned above, is no longer valuable. The value these days is money and views on social networks...
Modern society is becoming more and more superficial. Looking at a picture, he sees the picture, but not the meaning and not the energy. People are forgetting how to think and reflect; bloggers and showmen do it for them. Such conclusions can be drawn at least from the fact that in modern films, cartoons, and television programs they promote a lot of negative, destructive information, and certain values are imposed on people. And most people simply don’t notice this, often don’t simply check the information, and are not able to think critically. Although a person whose mind and consciousness are not clogged with television can easily see how and what is being imposed, and it is amazing how others can not notice this.
There is an expression: “To live with wolves is to howl like a wolf.” The current generation has grown up in a dissolute society, and for them this is the norm, since often they have never had another example in sight. Can you blame them for this? I don't think that would be fair. But we must set a different example for our children and, if possible, change society in order to ennoble it.
Things were different for our ancestors. From time immemorial, the main quality of a girl and woman in Rus' was her chastity. Our ancestors attached great importance not so much to the external beauty of a girl, but to her modesty, inner purity, purity, and hard work - it was these qualities that painted the future wife. When choosing a girl as a wife, first of all they chose the mother of their children, the one who would keep the hearth and organize the space, both material and spiritual. The Mother of God, that is, the one who gave birth to God, was revered more than others. And in every woman they saw her image. Chastity was expressed not only in the presence of virginity before marriage and fidelity to her husband after, but also in behavior in general. That is, behavior should not cause bad thoughts in others, especially lustful ones. For example, they took a woman’s appearance quite seriously. The robe had to be closed, the hair under the headdress. God forbid a woman or girl appear in public with her hair down. This was unacceptable. This is where the expression “goof off” comes from. Zharnikova S. in her book “The Golden Thread” mentioned that it used to be believed that a woman, appearing in public with her hair down, would bring damage to her family. Apparently, this is due to the fact that she can cause envy in other women with her beauty and bad thoughts, and deprive men of peace. In other words, an immodest girl or woman increases negative concentration not only on herself, but also on her family.
From folklore and the works of classics, we know that the “spoiled” girl could not get married and often committed suicide, preferring the life of a mermaid to earthly life in shame and pangs of conscience. According to legend, mermaids, of which there are many, do not represent the deceased souls of girls who committed suicide, but the main reason for such a death was the lost honor in unrequited love. Often these were girls who, in a fit of passion, gave themselves before marriage to a groom who did not fulfill his promise to marry.
I would like to emphasize that before, the life of a girl and the life of a woman was very different: she changed her place of residence, she had new obligations, she could no longer go to parties and celebrations. But the attire of both was always closed, moreover, multi-layered. For example, it was often impossible to even understand whether a woman was pregnant or not, the clothes hid her body so much.
Time passed, and the tradition gradually disappeared. There was a growing difference in the approach to this issue in the city and the countryside. City people began to allow themselves more frank behavior. Which left its mark on the institution of family relations. We all know the story of the death of Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin. His wife allowed him to think that she was having an affair with someone else, and, defending his honor, Pushkin shot himself; We all know the sad outcome. This is how not just a person died, but also a great Russian poet. In Pushkin’s surviving letters to Goncharova, he more than once asked her to behave as a wife should, and not to continue the frivolous life of an unmarried girl.
And yet, even until recently, chastity remained a characteristic feature of Russian women. In the 1975 Soviet film “They Fought for the Motherland,” which shows us the years of the Great Patriotic War, there is an episode where a woman in the village rebuffs one of the soldiers, explaining: “In your opinion, it turns out that if the husband is in the army, then , the wife is a bastard, right? So we had to prove with our fists what we are.” The heroine of Nonna Mordyukova here personifies all Russian women of that time. In addition, many people know the fact that, after examining Russian girls under the age of 21, a German doctor reported to Hitler that almost all of them were virgins, of course, this incredibly surprised them. But this was not so long ago, not even a century has passed...
By the way, in the Russian language there is still no decent word for a girl who has been deflowered and who has not become a wife. Words such as "girl", "girl" and even "virgin" speak of virginity; “woman” means “wife”; but those who are neither a virgin nor a wife were always called obscene words in Rus', which are still curses in our country.
Previously, great importance was attached to the chastity of a girl before marriage, since it was believed that if she was no longer pure, this would affect her offspring. What is good about our age is that it gives everyone a chance to improve. Today no one will smear soot on the face of a girl who succumbed to a momentary impulse of passion, or brand a mother of several children who is looking for their next dad. And, in fact, every person, if he wants to change, can do it at any time. But not one man wants to take an “experienced” woman as his wife. People say: “Guys hang out with some and marry others,” and this is often true.
The key to a happy family is trust. But can there be trust in a frivolous woman, one who only does what she shows off, or who could not save her family? Or to a girl who has a whole track record of marriage.
To this day, there is an opinion that it is extremely important with whom a girl loses her virginity, since on a subtle level, all information about the first partner is “recorded” in the girl’s history and affects all children born to her. You may have heard of such a concept as . In scientific circles, this theory is sometimes confirmed and sometimes refuted, but it makes sense to think about it.
There is another theory that does not refute telegony, but claims that previous partners remain in a woman’s subtle body for 7 years, and in a man’s for 5. What does this mean? That in one way or another children born during this period are influenced by all previous sexual relationships, especially by the mother. This does not affect the appearance so much as the physical and mental health of the child.
In any case, you need to understand that sexual relations are sacred in nature. First of all, it is the act of creating new life. At the moment of fertilization, a woman is completely open to all incoming information, while both current and ancient information that is already in her is activated. It is very important at what level of consciousness intercourse occurs, since first of all those layers of information that correspond to the current level will rise. In general, at this bright moment everything is important, right down to the place where it happens, not to mention the importance of the partner’s level of consciousness. Even if fertilization does not occur, a colossal exchange of energy and information nevertheless occurs, which leaves its mark on the future life and development of everyone.
When we build a family, when we choose a life partner, on a subtle plane we already read all the information about a person, and if we do not give in only to passion or, conversely, to the mind, then we make the right choice, the one that best suits us at the moment. Another question: how do you know that this is really not the mind or emotions, but something real? To do this, you need to have a pure, unclouded consciousness, and, perhaps, the best tool available at the moment is yoga. help to cleanse the gross body and restart all processes in a new way, in general, compliance raises consciousness to a new level, and asanas, pranayama, concentration and meditation allow you to synchronize all this. It takes some time, but it allows you to most completely change your life for the better. Even the least chaste person can be “reborn” now, that is, begin to lead a chaste, conscious life. If a person is lucky enough to meet yoga practitioners, then there is every chance of healing the body and spirit and building a happy family.
Yes, before you didn’t have to put a lot of effort into preserving your honor, there was no such propaganda, the environment was more inclined to lead a good life. Now we do not have such privileges, but this is not a reason to give up and go with the flow to nowhere. I would like to wish us all to lead a more chaste life and set a positive example for the younger generation.
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Modern society treats innocence and morality as relics of the past. Only Christianity gives the correct assessment. Chastity - what does it mean? Spiritual and physical purity, purity, thoughts and actions associated with the word honor - this is the true meaning of chastity.
This concept includes moral purity. Girls from an early age want to grow up, and to achieve this they do not hesitate to use any means. They rarely think about the consequences of their behavior. Meeting men, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, owning modern gadgets - this does not apply to chastity.
Characteristics of chastity:
A moral woman realizes that a cigarette in her mouth and a glass of alcohol look cheap. This behavior provokes contempt and will interest a man for one-time sex.
Chastity is spiritual purity. Such girls do not chase fame and material wealth. They live in the interests of the family. They are characterized by good deeds, helping animals, the sick and children.
From the point of view of the Orthodox faith, the meaning of the word chastity in the church is that a girl shows strictness towards strangers, does not break her fast, takes communion and confesses. In addition, the family should instill in the girl a sense of personal dignity, respect for elders and an understanding of morality.
Nun Nina defined morality as a wise attitude towards life.
According to John Climacus, this is a combination of all positive virtues.
Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov said that high morality is deliverance from all sinful thoughts and bad words.
As a result, this is what chastity is:
Saint Ambrose of Milan gives three types of morality: widow, spouses, virginity. He says this is a rule of Christian discipline.
Archimandrite John Krestyankin called chastity the beauty of the soul, filled with spiritual strength, common sense and courage to resist evil.
In addition to the holy fathers, famous writers spoke about morality. The philosopher Albert Camus argued that in promiscuity the meaning of existence is lost, only morality returns it.
Pierre Auguste Caron de Beaumarchais beautifully said that pure-hearted people are under the auspices of the Holy Heavens.
The power of chastity for men helps you avoid falling into a trap that could be your undoing. A person who adorns himself with virtue provides protection that will help him withstand any temptation.
Those who easily indulge in sexual passions to their fullest quickly lose their masculine activity. This leads to alcoholism and other serious physical disabilities. A man has the gift of fertilization, and desecration of this source is considered a sin in the Orthodox faith.
And this is what Orthodoxy says about chastity before marriage: firstly, moral people will not be affected by the negative consequences of early sexual intercourse, and secondly, chastity before marriage has many advantages. There will be a lot of time for your own spiritual development.
Youth is a time of strong emotional stress that must be experienced. When a person learns to cope with himself and control his feelings before marriage, we can talk about trust and non-violation of fidelity to each other.
May the Lord protect you!
