It is difficult to quickly and painlessly forget your ex-wife or girlfriend. Often men “break down” during this period: they start drinking, taking drugs, randomly changing partners, and quitting their jobs. These are the consequences of a depressed person who has lost a loved one. A man engages in self-examination, looks for shortcomings in himself, accumulates grievances against his ex, and feels sorry for himself. But there are ways to get out of this state with the least losses.
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After breaking up with a loved one, a painful time of adaptation begins. Depression, which inevitably occurs in a person, destroys the psyche. The sooner this process goes through, the less losses the person will begin a new life.
Psychologists highlight the main points that help to cope with this. They are divided into two groups of advice: what to do and what to avoid.
Each person is unique, but in similar situations people make the same mistakes. Psychologists have compiled a list of what you should not do after breaking up with a loved one:
As for what should be done, there are some tips from psychologists:
The first way to help get out of this situation is to find out the reasons for the separation. After all, pangs of conscience and feelings of guilt are pain that most men have to experience after a divorce. Only inveterate egoists easily endure separation, placing responsibility on the woman.
In order to raise the bar of self-esteem, a man needs to figure out whether he is really to blame for what happened. After all, if there is no pangs of conscience, it is easier to forget the past. Public opinion, which often blames men, plays an important role.
Psychologists insist: both are to blame for breakups.
Public opinion in Russia in divorces often supports the woman, blaming the man. There are many reasons for this:
Over the past 20-30 years, a lot has changed in society. In modern society, not all women are active opponents of alcohol. Change both sides equally. Only assault by a woman against her partner is unlikely due to physical gender differences. Therefore, the reasons for divorce can be:
But a new compelling reason for divorces and scandals between partners has emerged: absolute financial demands on the spouse. Most modern ladies are sure: the husband’s salary is shared, the wife’s money (if she works) is her personal. The goal of such “zagrebetnitsa” is to place family and personal financial problems on the partner.
The interesting thing is that most men agree with this. Some cope with the task, allowing a woman to spend as much as her heart desires. The rest receive constant showdowns, insults, and humiliation from their partner or wife and her mother. The reason for divorce due to financial differences is unjustifiably blamed on the man. Many women have forgotten that the words “spouses” originally meant “walking in the same harness,” “pulling a common cart equally.”
Quarrels out of nowhere, disregard for the partner’s wishes, inattention are obligatory parts of conflicts that lead to the separation of two people. And here, alcohol consumption is not a cause, but a consequence. Reproaches about low earnings are just a reason to make a scandal.
The reason is that she does not love this person. But there are no apparent reasons to break up just like that. According to the “rules of public opinion,” a woman must be an unfortunate victim. Not everyone can admit that she herself is to blame for the conflict, that she has fallen out of love with a good person. For this, those around her will judge her. For many, someone else’s opinion is the main assessment of a person’s behavior.
Relieving yourself of guilt is not the final solution to the problem. A man, even being confident in his sinlessness, does not receive complete relief. After all, it is unclear what to do next.
The use of fairy tale therapy helps to speed up the process of understanding the situation and drawing a plan for future actions. The “Be your own storyteller” method allows you to stage performances where the prototypes of the characters are the man himself, his ex, friends, and parents.
Sandbox for fairy tale therapy
It is supposed to work in a portable sandbox, but you can get by with a regular table. The man chooses the characters. They can be figurines, toys, if any. You can compose a fairy tale from the very beginning or choose one that was initially known.
For example, a man chooses a fairy tale about Little Red Riding Hood. In it he acts as the prototype of the Wolf. Here he is walking through the forest, bored. He meets Little Red Riding Hood, a beautiful girl. This, of course, is his ex. They meet, fall in love, decide to live together. Next, the man plays out the scenario based on his own life situations: for example, showing how Riding Hood forbade the Wolf to meet with friends; the Wolf could even visit his mother only with the permission of his authoritarian wife.
The tale reaches the breaking point of the relationship. The Little Cap kicks out the Wolf or goes to the Bear herself, the Wolf runs away as fast as he can into the forest or remains whining near the gate - the man honestly plays out his version for himself. Now he faces a more difficult task: he needs to develop a plan for further action.
Let's say the Wolf decides to go hunting. But he is ashamed to go into his forest - the flock, which he betrayed by leaving with Riding Hood, will laugh at him. Therefore, he goes to the neighboring forest, where he decides to start a new life: to finally try himself as a singer or wrestler.
What will happen next - the storyteller composes to his own taste. It is important that he made the decision to act. And a good ending (and in fairy tales it is always good) will definitely work out. Having seen how easy it really is to get out of the situation if you start taking action, the man receives a portion of energy, a push.
This is how the principle of fairy tale therapy works. See what happened from the outside, outline a plan for further action - psychologically work through the situation. Of course, it is best to perform the performance for someone, then the viewer’s interest will be fueled by the storyteller’s desire to come up with a creative plot, to find his own solution to the problem. But this method also works in private.
It's painful to accept breaking up with the woman you love. But starting a new life is real: for this there are special trainings developed by specialists.
By doing them regularly, you can reduce the adaptation time and get rid of depression quite quickly.
Not everyone has the ability to give free rein to their feelings. Men often need to learn to let off steam. There are many ways to do this:
Most ways to “let off steam” are associated with loud sounds - this is how the human psyche is structured that the release of strong emotions is accompanied by a noise effect. Fatigue after significant physical activity also relieves mental stress.
Taking all the blame on yourself and not scolding your ex is commendable, but self-humiliation destroys the nervous system. Telling everyone about the shortcomings of your ex-lover is ugly. But it is necessary to analyze the relationship mentally, finding the reasons not only in your behavior.
It is recommended to analyze the personality of your ex in writing. On paper you need to write down all the unpleasant situations, using short phrases, phrases, shortcomings of your ex-wife or girlfriend. For example: “Dirty hands (does not wash after using the toilet)”; “He is rude in front of strangers”; “Not interested in my blog.” The sheet with shortcomings needs to be re-read every time thoughts about it come into your head.
Over time, the habit of blaming not only yourself, seeing shortcomings in your ex-partner, and not idealizing the relationship will do its job: the man will become less drawn to the past, and will stop dreaming of its return. Gradually, he will learn not to think of his ex-wife at all as a wonderful person whom he lost due to his stupidity.
Remembering that both are to blame for a broken relationship, you should accept your guilt by asking for forgiveness for your mistakes. You can do this out loud in a personal meeting. But a real request for forgiveness may be perceived by the ex in the wrong way: as a step towards reconciliation or an attempt to look better than her.
You need to ask for forgiveness not for the sake of someone, but to remove negativity from yourself.
Therefore, training is practiced alone. Every day for a week (the period can be increased if necessary), in the evening a man should sit and relax, close his eyes and mentally say: “Forgive me for everything and let me go!” And I forgive and let you go.” At the same time, you need to imagine how this communication takes place: calmly, kindly, without quarrels or reproaches.
To remember your ex less often, you need to prepare not only mentally: remove all her things, trinkets reminiscent of past relationships, gifts, letters and cards, if any. Sometimes you even need to put away or destroy photographs.
Now it’s time to start training-punishment for memories. To do this you will need a piggy bank and change coins. Mentally, a man must set himself a condition of the game: with every memory of his ex, he is overtaken by punishment in the form of being deprived of one coin. This is how you can learn to control your thoughts.
Here it is important to convince yourself: even in bad there is good. The training is as follows: on a sheet with the shortcomings of your ex, they write down the advantages that accompany separation. For example, there was an entry: “It takes a long time to get ready.” The man is nervous, losing precious time. Therefore, now he will write down: “I have a lot of free time, I can play on the computer, read, go to a friend’s house.” Next to the words “he spends a lot on cosmetics” he writes: “I can use the money I save to go on a hike, buy a kayak, pay for a new video editor.”
It is not necessary to use a sheet with flaws. You can make a list of pleasant things from parting on a separate sheet. You will remember unrealized dreams that were inaccessible when living together. By writing them down, a man will understand how much good there is around him, how many interesting things have now become available.
The ideal relationship for a married couple is to raise children together in love and harmony. But unhappy parents will not be able to make them happy. If circumstances are such that divorced spouses have a child, it is impossible to completely forget about the existence of the ex-wife.
In this case, psychologists advise reducing communication with your ex-wife to a minimum. You need to try to spend more time with the child, and not with his mother: go with him to the cinema, to attractions, fishing together or in the company of your friends.
If you cannot achieve a complete idyll - the mother does not allow you to be alone with your son or daughter - it is recommended to come to meetings with mutual friends. The ex will be embarrassed to offend them and will behave with restraint in front of them. Often the ex-wife, realizing the inappropriateness of her presence, leaves, abandoning attempts to observe the meetings of the father with the children.
A way to forget an old love, suitable for everyone without exception, is expressed in the saying: “They knock out a wedge with a wedge.” The phrase means: find a replacement for your ex - get rid of loneliness, soul-searching, depression. Usually new relationships are built differently than old ones, taking into account their own mistakes.
Having accepted the idea that you can be happy with another woman, a man is already taking the first step towards forgetting his ex-wife.
The memories will roll in for a while. But the trainings described above will help reduce the negativity from them to nothing.
A complete change of environment and decor is an excellent option for combating depression. For this it is recommended:
It is important how serious a man’s intention is to erase bitter memories from his life. If he has set himself the goal of starting life from scratch, then he will achieve this. And the stronger the personality, the faster this will happen.
I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick idiot...
22.12.2013, 21:04
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5 main reasons that prevent a man from forgetting his wife
There are a variety of formulas for how to forget your ex-wife. Recently, after re-reading them all, I saw that many of them are so imperfect that if I publish another one on my website “The Black Witch Olga,” nothing fatal will happen. Yes, and I promise that my formula will not be a repetition of what has already been published, nor a compilation of it, due to which you can get a completely different perspective on solving the problem of how to forget your wife. And not just a “look”, but a really working method.
Let's start with the reasons that do not allow a man to forget his ex-wife, the main ones of which are only 5. And they will be listed according to their importance - from greatest, as expected, to least:
1. Lack of self-confidence.
After being married for several years (and any endocrinologist and psychologist who get together will confirm this to you), a man goes through an involuntary decrease in hormonal levels, explained solely by the fact that they no longer need to “hunt”, maintaining a constantly high motivation in themselves to fight for the right continue his race as a male. Having acquired a wife, he no longer hunts females, due to which he loses his masculinity, and therefore enters the post-divorce state literally harmoniously castrated.
In addition, a man in marriage loses the skills of courting women, and therefore inevitably fails, doing this the first, second, third time after the divorce. These failures, coupled with a lack of self-confidence resulting from low hormonal levels, lead to a man losing faith in himself, mistakenly beginning to believe that the abandoned man has only one way to regain a full personal and sexual life - to persuade his wife to return.
2. Love.
Even after the destruction of a marriage that has lasted 5, 17 or even more years, love is the second most important reason that makes men suffer, not understanding how to forget their wife, even if she gave them. But it’s not surprising, since over so many years people, even with the coolest relationships, become much more to each other than lovers or parents of common children. They turn into kindred spirits who understand each other perfectly. And therefore, losing his wife, who has truly become his own, a man becomes depressed, believing that no other woman will give him such a spiritual relationship. To be honest, he thinks it’s wrong!
3. Feeling of betrayal.
A detailed psychological clamp is characteristic of all egoists who believe after a breakup that they are too good, kind, caring, hypersexual, attractive, patient, financially secure to be abandoned. Such underestimation of their personal qualities inflicts such a deep mental blow on egoists that almost immediately it turns into an obsession, forcing them to constantly return for years to thoughts about the ingratitude of their ex-wife and mental attempts to prove to her how wrong she was.
4. A feeling of unrealized destiny.
This reason is observed in men with developed consciousness, capable of reading information from their karma. That is precisely why they KNOW that the departure of their wife became a real tragedy, violating their personal working out of karma, which (and this is a mistake), they could only work out with “this woman.” In fact, I, the black witch Olga, guarantee: if the Higher Powers want you to really work out karmic tasks, then, believe me, in the very near future they will select a woman for you, a relationship with whom will allow you to continue your inner work.
5. Humiliation.
Well, the stupidest of men cannot forget their departed spouse, considering themselves humiliated. It is trampled pride that torments them for years, forcing them to treat all other women - potential traitors - with suspicion or open disdain. And poison your consciousness with endless plans for the most terrible revenge, which - and that’s great! – is never destined to come true.
All the reasons that torment men left by their wives cause them a lot of pain. And therefore it is not surprising that almost all of them, tired of suffering, eventually think about how to forget their wife. But to do this, you need to talk about it first.
How to forget your ex-wife who left due to financial instability
For men, whose very nature is determined to awaken everywhere and in everything, the question of how to forget a wife who left them because of small or irregular earnings is sometimes insoluble. However, you still shouldn’t get hung up on him - there will always be a woman who will consider a man, even with an insignificant marriage, to be the ideal breadwinner. Yes, and I strongly recommend not to forget that more and more women do not see anything wrong, that they will earn more than their lovers or husbands, and therefore, if such relationships do not humiliate you personally, feel free to enter into them.
Well, if you nevertheless realized that your ex was right when she reproached you for your inability to earn good money, then take your finger out of your nose and your head from the place where you have been warming it for the last few years, and start working. After all, the formula for how to forget your wife by clearing your mind of memories of her is very simple for such men - the larger sums you earn, the less you grieve for your spouse, who left you because you were unable to do this while living with her.
How to forget your ex-wife, who constantly reminds you of herself
Sometimes the ex herself does not give the opportunity to forget about her. like a real energy vampire, she constantly calls, initiates supposedly random meetings, and leaves messages on social networks. Often she does this because she wants to keep her abandoned husband as an alternate airfield, fearing that her new life may suddenly not work out. But much more often (and this is what the black witch Olga tells you, who is not for nothing considered a great expert on women’s souls), exes do not break ties with the husbands they left in order to torment them. Or, if you prefer, take revenge. “You know how disgusting I felt with you. Now look how good I feel!” And how can one forget one’s wife during such moral persecution?
There is only one way - to give up the intention to wait obediently if they really don’t let you go, for fear of not finding anyone better than you. Allow yourself to have a choice when your wife does decide to return. Find the one - dating sites can help you!!! - a relationship with which will allow you not to give in to impulse and not get along with a woman who has already betrayed you once.
If you are trying to figure out how to forget your ex-wife, who is taking revenge on you with constant messages about her material, career, personal or sexual successes, don’t sit there sluggishly blinking a fish either! Feel free to enter the war, remembering that you can win it only if you really are better than your ex-wife! And may you not buy a million in the next few years, or go on vacation to Baden-Baden. A constantly growing collection of “here I am - your ex - with another new girlfriend” photos will be more than effective in getting your ex to unhook from you.
How to forget about your wife who left for another man
This is the most difficult thing for almost every man without exception - how to forget a wife who has left for another man. I read that many men’s websites suggest going to the gym and then “beating your opponent in the snot.” Women’s sites are less radical, although their advice is no less stupid, since they offer meditations from the “I’m still better than him” series. The black witch Olga advises you to resort to magical revenge - turn to me to induce impotence on your rival, or incurable frigidity on your wife. Or both at once, acting on the principle - to each his own.
I assure you, once you do this, the problem of your wife leaving you for someone else’s bed will instantly stop disturbing and worrying you. After all, the experience of hundreds of my clients who have already used a similar ritual proves that there is no better way to forget your ex-wife who left in search of better sex than to deprive her of the joy for which she betrayed you.
How not to suffer when communicating with your wife if you have children together
In such a case, which causes a feeling of doom in everyone who is trying to figure out how to forget his wife with whom he constantly has to communicate, I am the black witch Olga, I can only advise one thing: Resign yourself, you will never be together again! Refuse to build relationships of “friends,” “buddies,” “people who respect each other and find themselves in a hopeless situation.” Transfer your love to your children. Communicate with your wife in the same way as you would communicate with a teacher in a kindergarten or a class teacher with your children - with respect, but without coquetry, with the consent to listen, but without the obligation to listen and take notice.
And now let me remind you that there is a really reliable way to forget your ex-wife - to contact her. And then, with the help of strong magic, I will clear your memory. After this, you will treat your ex-wife as if there were no scandals, quarrels or betrayals. As if for you she is just one of the 3 billion women living with you on the same earth - no one.
There is no need to worry and constantly ask yourself whether she loved you if she could so easily break everything and leave. There was love, but it moved on. And you fell behind and ceased to be the person she needed. No, she hasn't changed at all, she's just as sweet, flirty and kind. But it is no longer yours and belongs to another person.
After all, you are a man, you yourself are a defender of the weaker sex, which means you must be strong, decisive and courageous.
Sometimes it happens that a woman falls in love with a man who is still acutely upset about the breakup with his ex-girlfriend. During your meetings, he constantly talks about her, remembers her, complains to you how much he misses her, says that he misses her, etc. and you involuntarily ask the question: “How to make him fall in love with you?”
Alas, there is no universal method that would tell you how to make a man fall in love.
A woman in a relationship rarely remembers her ex-man. And even if he remembers, he doesn’t bring these thoughts out “in public” (why tease your man once again?). Men sometimes allow themselves not only to remember their exes, but also to constantly tell their new wives about them. Fortunately, there are few such men, but this problem does not go away.
You wash the dishes wrong, wipe the dust wrong, bake pancakes wrong, and still can’t remember how many spoons of sugar to put in his coffee.
What if you met a cute guy, but he recently went through a breakup with another girl and is feeling it badly? During your meetings, he constantly remembers her, there is melancholy and grief on his face. Instead of enjoying your company, he yearns for the one who broke his heart.
Alas, there is no such secret laboratory in the world where a special field is used to erase men’s memories of their former girlfriends.
Our life is very diverse and we may meet different people along the way. People with different emotions and life situations. It happens that a girl meets a young man who, after breaking up with the girl, still cannot forget her. You may even notice that no matter what you start talking about, he still turns to her, remembers their common pastime.
If this has happened, and you really like this young man, then you can try to help him forget his ex-girlfriend.
Almost every woman dreams of her husband being successful, rich and generous. Then, the wife believes, they would live happily and well. But not every dreamer thinks about what power she has and what role she has in this matter.
A man, when he marries, is created anew. He has as much chance of becoming rich as he does of becoming poor, and a lot depends on his wife.
Love dramas have happened more than once in our lives. We wanted to return our loved one, we were looking for ways to get the girl back. Cases of mental trauma do not bypass either girls or boys. Nowadays, cases of divorce have become more frequent. And when a new family is formed, with a divorced man, the new wife has a very difficult situation, since she needs not only to make sure that she is not compared, but also to help forget her ex.
Many women often ask themselves this question: “What can I do to make my husband forget his ex-woman?”
Hello! Please help me deal with the situation! For six months now I have been dating a man who divorced his wife a year ago on her initiative. They have a daughter together, 4 years old. The relationship is very strained, the ex prevents the child from communicating, and he is very worried. Wants to see each other more often and for more time. Often, because of this, he withdraws into himself and does not communicate with anyone at this moment. He is very angry with his wife, but says that if she agreed to start the relationship again, he would be happy for the sake of the child.
I understand him, since I myself am divorced and I also have a daughter.
What should I do - I can’t forget my ex-wife, it seems we were married for only 11 months, we also dated for about 11 months, but I left her because of her attitude and indifference towards me, which began after about half a year of married life, although I was already exhausted to please her and please her in every possible way, I stopped drinking, smoking, stopped communicating with all my friends, but everything was the same.
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asks: Artem
Hello. My name is Artem, 34 years old. Four months ago I divorced my wife. They didn’t get along, as they say, in character. As it turned out later, she had a back - she went to someone else... It saddens me to think about it. I am tormented by speculation that she betrayed me even before the divorce. But I can’t forget her either. It seems that I’m getting ready to live in a new way, but in the evening I feel a wave of melancholy. I think about her, remember both the good and the not so good. But how can I change my mind at once and set myself up for the “new wave”. I hope for your advice.
Answers and advice from psychologists
Artem, fortunately or unfortunately, “rebuilding at once” is a myth. Separation, and even more so divorce, is always a crisis. A crisis that needs to be overcome, survived and only then build a new life.
You don't write how long you were married, but, in any case, your experiences are natural and it would be very harmful to ignore them or suppress them in some way.
The best option is to allow yourself to be in this state, to live it.
If you think that this is too long or unbearable for you, then it makes sense to consult a psychologist, but only if you feel that you yourself cannot cope with life, which is now full of precisely these emotions.
Psychologist
Practical psychologist, trainer, coach. more than 15 years of successful practice. I individually select techniques and tools for each client. I identify the underlying causes of problems, subconscious fears and destructive beliefs.
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Hello, Artem!
The fact that you cannot forget your ex-wife is quite natural; the memory of feelings does not come so quickly; as a rule, it takes 6 months or more (it’s different for everyone).
In addition, you also have a grudge against her. To make this process easier, it would be good to work through the resentment. By working through the resentment we mean forgiving her for doing this to you and yourself, for allowing this situation to happen. Learn from this situation and understand how to build new relationships to prevent this from happening.
As for general recommendations, I can advise you to try not to run into her, not to look at photos of her, not to call, not to look at her pages on social media. networks, etc. So. It will be easier for you to let go of this situation.
This may bring satisfaction for a short time, but it will lower the man in the eyes of his acquaintances.
1.2 What should be done As for what should be done, there are some tips from psychologists:
If you follow these simple tips, you will be able to erase thoughts about your ex without ruining your relationship with your children. How to help a loved one forget his wife Women often face the question of how to help a man forget his ex-wife.
If you want to think about your wife, think, but don’t force yourself to forget. · Get rid of those things that remind you of your wife. · Stop remembering situations with your wife. She's gone, she's no more. · Distract yourself. Dear readers! We will be very grateful if you share with us your life experiences or comments related to this topic. This will help: How to forget your ex - a step-by-step course for a broken heart You probably constantly mentally ask yourself questions, how could things have been different? Maybe this relationship would have turned out differently? Or why did this happen to me? The course was created for those who want to: forget a girl stop delving into themselves find new love Brief description Regardless of whether it was a long marriage or first love, no matter how impossible it all seems - your mental wound can be healed.
Important
This is very helpful during the recovery period after divorce. One way to do this is to use visualization techniques on these memories to reduce their effect. For example: - Imagine your bad memories of your ex-wife as a layer of dirt on your body.
While it is on your body, you feel disgusted, perhaps even as if someone is crawling on you. I believe this is exactly how you feel. Now imagine taking a hot shower and erasing all the memories from your body. You are clean and the memories are gone. Can I really take a shower? It may seem stupid, but your brain, having reproduced the memories, will now see a double picture.
And over time they will completely go away. 2) Decrease in frequency: Frequency refers to how often these thoughts occur to you.
When children appear, the head of the family, of course, must provide for them too; every year a woman requires more attention and money, all this complicates the situation in the house. Many men, unable to cope with problems, seek salvation in alcohol, some even in drugs, others in other women, and all this inevitably leads to divorce and family destruction. Even if the love has not left, the marriage can still be dissolved.
And immediately after the divorce, a new wave of problems begins, one of which is how to forget the ex-wife you love. A woman can find a reason for everything if she wants to get a divorce. For example, there are cases where a marriage was dissolved because of a car, a beloved pet, or even a broken mug.
The most common reasons are, of course, infidelity, drunkenness, and assault.
Some cope with the task, allowing a woman to spend as much as her heart desires. The rest receive constant showdowns, insults, and humiliation from their partner or wife and her mother. The reason for divorce due to financial differences is unjustifiably blamed on the man.
Many women have forgotten that the words “spouses” originally meant “walking in the same harness,” “pulling a common cart equally.” Quarrels out of nowhere, disregard for the partner’s wishes, inattention are obligatory parts of conflicts that lead to the separation of two people. And here, alcohol consumption is not a cause, but a consequence.
Reproaches about low earnings are just a reason to make a scandal. The reason is that she does not love this person. But there are no apparent reasons to break up just like that. According to the “rules of public opinion,” a woman must be an unfortunate victim.
Not everyone can admit that she herself is to blame for the conflict, that she has fallen out of love with a good person.
Whether you are 20 or 60, life can be filled with joy again, perhaps even more than you experienced before. The only reason you can't become happy again is because you won't let go of the old situation. I'm very glad that you made the right choice and want to end the memories of your ex.
This is exactly the solution that will help you recover after a breakup. Let's be honest: breakup is a complex, painful topic. Most people actually need mental healing after a breakup.
And there is nothing wrong with using the right technique for this case. I've been in this situation myself, I know what it's like to wake up and think about your ex. How does it feel to beat yourself up that she now has someone else, and you are left all alone.
But he is ashamed to go into his forest - the flock, which he betrayed by leaving with Riding Hood, will laugh at him. Therefore, he goes to the neighboring forest, where he decides to start a new life: to finally try himself as a singer or wrestler. What will happen next - the storyteller composes to his own taste. It is important that he made the decision to act.
Attention
And a good ending (and in fairy tales it is always good) will definitely work out. Having seen how easy it really is to get out of the situation if you start taking action, the man receives a portion of energy, a push. This is how the principle of fairy tale therapy works. See what happened from the outside, outline a plan for further action - psychologically work through the situation.
Now she has chosen another man or chosen another... Well, yes, you were not the only one and it hurts to admit. This takes time and, possibly, the help of a psychologist.
What is her story - it is quite possible that she is codependent, since she chose an addict (but these are all my assumptions).
Question to a psychologist: Good afternoon! My name is Andrey, I am 29 years old. I got married very early, I was 22 years old, and my wife was 18. A daughter was born, she is almost 8 years old. We lived all these 7 years with scandals. As a result, they divorced a year ago in April.
The application was filed by the wife. The daughter lives with her mother. I suffered all summer and thought about my ex-wife, but I was able to forget her only in September, when I met a girl. Our relationship quickly gained momentum and I no longer remembered my ex-wife at all. But when my ex found out about this, she immediately got involved and began to lure me over to her place.
At first I wasn’t fooled and didn’t pay attention, but eternal tears, words like I’ll give birth to you and a son, I love you, come back to me played their role and I gave up, leaving my girlfriend... My ex-wife pleased me in everything - in bed, delicious food, beautiful words, and I fell in love with her again and was happy. All this lasted about 3 months.
Fighting thoughts about your ex-wife There are many techniques for improving brain memory, and there are also ways to forget your ex-wife. Imagine that thoughts about your ex are dirt that needs to be washed away, because it stains you not only in your eyes, but also in the eyes of your friends, acquaintances, and loved ones. After all, you constantly talk about your thoughts, and in a conversation, when you mention your ex, you hardly do it in a pleasant tone, but rather in a negative one. In addition, think not only about yourself, but also about those around you: none of your loved ones wants to see you depressed, and constant stories about your ex-spouse are one of the indicators of your bad mood. In order to be able to erase thoughts about your ex-wife, you need to reduce their intensity, frequency, and then stop completely. Intensity The more often you remember pleasant moments with your ex-wife, the more you suffer.
You should not quarrel with your loved one about this: he will most likely simply hide communication with her from you. It's better to talk to his ex-wife to resolve this issue. It happens that a “rival” not only communicates with a man, but also calls him to visit her, demands money and help. In this case, just ask for more attention so that your man doesn’t have time for her, but the main thing here is not to overdo it, so that in the end he won’t choose her between you and her. In any case, every man can cope with thoughts about his ex-wife; he just needs to remember the negative consequences they lead to. If a person himself wants to get rid of thoughts, he will live a happy and fulfilling life, when all the memories of marriage will remain just in the past. The main thing is not to look for peace in alcohol and drugs, because...
