“Why don’t you... - Yes, but...” (PBVDN). Example one. Psychological game "Why don't you... - Yes, but..." (PBVDN) is one of the most popular methods of psychological vampirism in everyday life. And here is a clear example from life. Recently a young girl came to my classes. We talked about choosing a future profession. I want to immediately note that the girl is very bright, beautiful and artistic. She started a conversation on this topic:
You know, I love the theater. I love performing on stage. I dance and participate in school amateur performances.
I was happy:
So this is wonderful! We have good theater studios in our city. You can study there. Theater is very interesting.
Yes, I thought about going to drama school but... you know, mmm... I have a lot of classes and I may not have time after school.
It's OK. - I didn’t let up. - Maybe they have classes on the weekends.
Yes, I thought about it, but theater studios are probably expensive.
Perhaps if you go with a subscription, it’s not so expensive.
Yes, maybe..., but you know how actresses get on stage...
After the third “Yes, ..., but...” I already understood what kind of game was being played. Therefore, she remained silent. But the young lady, let’s call her Lena, did not let up.
You know, I also like biology and I was thinking about becoming a massage therapist.
Yes, this is a good profession, but... very difficult. Yes, you can earn money working as a massage therapist, but stand on your feet all day...
She played “Why don’t you... Yes, but...” with herself for a few more minutes and calmed down. Then we talked only about the topic of the lesson.
This time, knowledge of psychological games saved me a lot of strength and energy. A few years ago I would have started play rescuer . Give her contacts of theater studios, convince her that any dreams are feasible and that if she wants to be an actress, then she needs to act, and everything else is prejudice. Not realizing that they were simply draining my vitality and psychic energy.
Now I got away with a 2-minute conversation and enjoyed watching how they unsuccessfully tried to drag me into the game “Why don’t you... Yes, but...”.
After some time, Lena found a valid excuse why our classes should be stopped.
“Why don’t you... - Yes, but...” (PBVDN). Example two. The following example happened to me during a therapeutic training on body-oriented practices. We were given the task to split into pairs. The first partner had to lie on his back, bend his knees, and place his feet on the floor. Then spread your legs, without lifting your feet from the floor, to a comfortable distance. The second partner, played by me, had to hold the first partner’s legs by the knees and say therapeutic phrases.
As soon as we started doing the practice, my partner said:
My feet are slipping.
Place them a little narrower.
Yes, but it's convenient for me.
Take off your socks.
Yes, but my feet will start to freeze.
Okay, let's cover our legs with a jacket.
Yes, but I don't have a sweater.
At that moment I looked into her eyes and asked.
Okay, what do you suggest we do?
Mmm... I don't know.
I raised my hand and called loudly for the coach. The legs were covered with another jacket and the practice continued. After that, nothing slipped anymore :-). Psychological vampires, playing the psychological game “Why don’t you... Yes, but...”, “pin” their problems on others, and then indirectly blame their failed “rescuers” that it is THEY who cannot solve the problem.
Triangle of fate. Victim - tyrant - savior. An example from life. In the dance group where I practice, a tradition has emerged - to congratulate everyone on their birthday and attend entertainment events together. The tradition is good and correct. One girl took the initiative. Let's call her Katya. She went to buy gifts, collected money, organized meetings, found out where to go and under what conditions, bought tickets and did a fairly large amount of organizational work. It is clear that in return Katya received her psychological “buns” in the form of satisfaction of her sense of self-worth, significance, leadership instinct, and so on. But now about something else.
I was sincerely grateful to her for the work that she does and called her “our elder.” I think that I was not the only one who was pleased to receive gifts for my birthday. Going out together to “hang out”, despite the fact that you don’t need to do anything for this. I transferred money to Katya’s card and you know that everything will be organized for you and everything will be agreed upon. And they will do it well.
But there were cases when Katya Karpman triangle acted as a “savior” and a “victim”, since she had to spend her personal time on organizational issues, report her money for a while if someone could not deliver on time and sacrifice her interests somewhere. Katya believed that if she organizes everything, then it is her responsibility to make sure everyone has a good time.
For example, when we went to the trampolines, the limit of people who could be in the section at the same time was exceeded. The “extra” were asked to go upstairs, to the so-called “auditorium”, and periodically change positions with those jumping. Katya immediately went upstairs and sat there almost the entire evening. The “jumpers” were having fun and not many people remembered that they needed to change with someone else.
In my opinion, too often Katya’s work was taken for granted. Therefore, I was pleasantly surprised and decided that this time the triangle of fate did not work. But... somehow it happened that one of the birthday people had to be congratulated a day earlier. It seems like nothing special, but here... I quote the letter verbatim: “And one more thing guys... Since there will still be birthday people - a request for the future... If someone ever wants to congratulate someone again on the previously agreed upon dates - warn me at least 24 hours in advance, and not like today... I’m like a wedding horse - my head is in flowers, and my ass is in soap... I still have a working day... Otherwise, I’ve decided to do good The thing is, I’m constantly reporting my money, and I’ve also ruined my whole day... The question in the problem book is - why do I need this? This is in no way a complaint, it’s a statement of fact... Please respect other people’s work... Thanks in advance"
The circle is closed. Katya moved to the Tyrant position. I don’t know about the others, but I felt like a naughty schoolgirl who didn’t warn “mommy” in time that the gift was needed a day earlier. Although in this case, no one stopped Katya from setting her boundaries and saying: “Guys, I should have warned you that the gift was needed earlier. Therefore, let one of you go get it. I have work.” And everyone would understand and someone would definitely go after him. Instead, in the evening after congratulations, we received this message in the general chat.
Could it have been different? I doubt.
People learn to become addicted to psychological games in the family. The little man looks at how his parents behave in various situations and copies the behavior model of one of them. A psychological game is a model of interaction between people in which one of the participants (I call him a psychological vampire) remains a winner.
For example, a psychological vampire Helpless person who loves to play “Why don’t you... Yes, but...” receives unconscious satisfaction when there is a pause after the next “Yes, but...”. For the one who started the psychological game “Why don’t you... - Yes, but...”, this means victory, because he demonstrated everyone else that It is they who cannot cope with the situation. In addition, during the game, the psychological vampire receives psychological stroking (attention, interest, sympathy, support, interest) from the opponent and increases his importance (he means something if they try to help him so hard).
Everything would be fine, but the psychological game “Why don’t you,.. Yes, but” is most often a waste of time. The vampire never uses advice, and therefore does not solve his problem. Relationships are deteriorating. Because the adviser sooner or later gets tired of giving advice. It’s not uncommon at the end of such a game to hear the phrase “Oh, do what you want” or something like that after the next “Yes, but...”. The vampire becomes the victim, and the savior becomes the tyrant. As a result, wasted time, effort and, most often, deterioration of relationships between people.
There can be many options here.
There are many more reasons. And in each case they are different.
Do I sympathize with those who fall victim to such psychological games and act as donors?
No. I don't sympathize. Eric Berne's transactional analysis and the theory of psychological games are not a closely guarded secret. And if desired, everyone can familiarize themselves with it in order to stop being a victim and take responsibility for their life. If Eric Berne's books are difficult to read, then there are books by Mikhail Efimovich Litvak that are easy to read :-).
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Psychological game theory is one of the key models of transactional analysis by Eric Berne. Therefore, we invite you to watch the video from which you will learn: the practical application of transactional analysis. Personality theory. Psychological games. 6 forms of communication. Causes of frigidity, headaches and many other diseases. Which doctor should I get treatment from? Who is a person without conscience and a hypocrite? How the character of a sadist and alcoholic is formed. How and when does a life scenario arise? What underlies the negative scenario. What kind of person can be considered psychologically healthy and capable of becoming a truly happy person. What type of personality can be considered stable. "
Excerpt from the audiobook “From Hell to Heaven” by Mikhail Efimovich Litvak
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My son is still a baby - he is almost 3 years old. On top of everything else, with a large delay in mental and speech development. At the same time, he, unknown to anyone, has taken on a heroic stature, and it turns out that in terms of intelligence he is two years younger than his peers, and in terms of height and strength, he looks two years older. As soon as he puts his little hand on someone’s shoulder, the child will fall to his death. Everything would be fine, the peculiarities of child development, so to speak.
But grown-up ladies and men are tormenting and tormenting us everywhere, and they don’t give us direct access. Looking at his appearance, they begin to make comments and scold him - oh, what a big boy and how badly he behaves, why did you go there, why did you push your aunt, why are you screaming, and so on. At the same time, I still don’t even have time to open my mouth to stop it, and other people’s uncles and aunts, instead of raising their children, push me away and jump out in front with instructive criticism.
My child is generally devoid of aggressiveness. He never fights or hurts other children or animals. He is very affectionate and sometimes comes up to children in the store and takes them by the hands and pats them on the head or leans over to kiss them. And then, as always, without understanding, mothers jump out screaming - don’t hit my child! This is when he reaches out his hand to stroke the child - by this he shows that “Lala is good and should be pitied” - well, I always taught him this way, but mothers misunderstand the gesture - well, a stranger comes up to your child and extends his hand - but why ? Of course, the first thought is to hit. It’s always strange to me, I pull my son away from the children, I say, don’t touch them, don’t throw yourself at them with the arms of love, you scare them, but every time he forgets with happiness what his mother said and just squeaks enthusiastically. Maybe because we don’t go to kindergarten and he doesn’t see children much and hasn’t yet been hit on the head by them in a dispute over a car.
Humanity is one of the most important and at the same time complex concepts. It is impossible to give it an unambiguous definition, because it manifests itself in a variety of human qualities. This is the desire for justice, honesty, and respect. Someone who can be called humane is capable of caring for others, helping and patronizing. He can see the good in people and emphasize their main advantages. All this can be confidently attributed to the main manifestations of this quality.
There are a large number of examples of humanity from life. These are the heroic actions of people in wartime, and very insignificant, seemingly insignificant actions in everyday life. Humanity and kindness are manifestations of compassion for one's neighbor. Motherhood is also synonymous with this quality. After all, every mother actually sacrifices the most precious thing she has - her own life - as a sacrifice to her baby. The brutal cruelty of the fascists can be called a quality opposite to humanity. A person only has the right to be called a person if he is capable of doing good.
An example of humanity from life is the act of a man who saved a dog in the subway. Once upon a time, a stray dog found itself in the lobby of the Kurskaya station of the Moscow metro. She ran along the platform. Maybe she was looking for someone, or maybe she was just chasing a departing train. But it so happened that the animal fell on the rails.
There were many passengers at the station then. People were scared - after all, there was less than a minute left before the next train arrived. The situation was saved by a brave police officer. He jumped onto the tracks, picked up the unlucky dog under his paws and carried him to the station. This story is a good example of humanity from life.
This quality is not complete without compassion and goodwill. There is a lot of evil in real life these days and people need to show each other compassion. An indicative example from life on the topic of humanity is the action of a 13-year-old New Yorker named Nach Elpstein. For his bar mitzvah (or coming of age in Judaism), he received a gift of 300 thousand shekels. The boy decided to donate all this money to Israeli children. It's not every day that you hear about such an act, which is a true example of humanity from life. The amount went towards the construction of a new generation bus for the work of young scientists on the periphery of Israel. This vehicle is a mobile classroom that will help young students become real scientists in the future.
There is no nobler act than giving your blood to someone else. This is real charity, and everyone who takes this step can be called a real citizen and a person with a capital “P.” Donors are strong-willed people who have a kind heart. An example of the manifestation of humanity in life is Australian resident James Harrison. He donates blood plasma almost every week. For a very long time he was awarded a unique nickname - “The Man with the Golden Arm”. After all, blood was taken from Harrison's right hand more than a thousand times. And in all the years that he has been donating, Harrison has managed to save more than 2 million people.
In his youth, the hero donor underwent a complex operation, as a result of which he had to have his lung removed. His life was saved only thanks to donors who donated 6.5 liters of blood. Harrison never knew the saviors, but decided that he would donate blood for the rest of his life. After talking with doctors, James learned that his blood type was unusual and could be used to save the lives of newborn babies. His blood contained very rare antibodies that can solve the problem of incompatibility of the Rh factor of the mother’s blood and the embryo. Because Harrison donated blood every week, doctors were able to constantly produce new batches of the vaccine for such cases.
One of the most striking literary examples of possessing this quality is Professor Preobrazhensky from Bulgakov’s work “The Heart of a Dog.” He dared to challenge the forces of nature and turn a street dog into a man. His attempts failed. However, Preobrazhensky feels responsible for his actions, and tries with all his might to turn Sharikov into a worthy member of society. This shows the highest qualities of the professor, his humanity.
However, everything is not so bad: Faktrum gives 10 wonderful examples of human kindness and compassion.
In 1999, on the threshold of the new millennium, Americans voted to recognize Mother Teresa as the most revered person of the century. And according to a CNN poll, she was more admired than Martin Luther King, John Kennedy, Albert Einstein and Helen Keller.
What makes her so special?
Mother Teresa, born Agnez Gonce Bojaxhiu and called the Angel of Mercy, was a missionary and nun of the Roman Catholic Church who dedicated her entire life to helping others. Today, when people think of saints, they usually think of Mother Teresa.
In 1950, Mother Teresa founded the Order of the Missionaries of Charity, whose main task was to care for the sick, homeless and helpless. In 1979, Mother Teresa was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. However, one highly controversial study conducted in 2013 suggested that Mother Teresa's reputation and saintliness may be somewhat exaggerated. She truly dedicated her life to helping others, but her homes for the dying sometimes could offer nothing more than prayer to alleviate suffering.
Mother Teresa died in 1997.
Project Linus is a non-profit organization that distributes blankets and homemade quilts to sick or injured infants, children and teens in hospitals, shelters, social service organizations and charities. The goal is simple: to give people a sense of security and comfort when they need it most.
Project Linus has local leaders in each state, and there are volunteers called "blanketeers".
For example, in Fayette County, Georgia, volunteers have sewn, crocheted, and then distributed 1,155 blankets to local children since 2010, and in 2012 they sent 147 hand-sewn blankets to children affected by Hurricane Sandy. .
Bikers Against Child Abuse (or BACA) is another non-profit organization. Since 1995, they have been working to protect children from violence and raise public awareness about child abuse. Their goal: to make children who have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused stop being afraid. Because the absence of fear is an important step towards healing. The group also helps fund therapy and therapeutic activities.
Volunteer bikers from this organization strive to make children feel safe. They also try to help in situations where children are abused by law enforcement officers, child care agency employees, and others. No matter where bikers are present - at a court hearing, at a parole hearing, whether they are accompanying a child to school, or just living in the neighborhood - the very fact of such presence makes those who abuse children think twice. No, bikers are not people's vigilantes. They're more like bodyguards. Wouldn't you feel safer if you had a big crowd of guys on Harleys on your side?
The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) is primarily known for its anti-gay stance. Representatives of this church are often seen at various high-profile military funerals. They organize pickets there, holding banners with various defiant slogans.
One can only imagine what started when this highly controversial church suddenly announced that its protests were nothing more than an attempt to stir up the public.
For example, when Vassar College students learned that the Westboro Church was planning to picket their LGBT-friendly campus, they immediately organized a counter-protest.
And students from Texas A&M University once formed a “human chain” just to stop any attempts by church representatives to picket a military funeral.
Other “anti-protesters” from the Angel Action organization brought with them three-meter angel wings, and covered the church representatives from all sides with them, thereby hiding them from view of others. Another group, the Patriot Guard Riders, also used “nonviolent means of defense” - shields, with which they prevented church representatives from picketing another military funeral.
The work of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation is not only a dramatic act of kindness, but also a dramatic act of charity.
Bill Gates, as part of a program he co-created with Warren Buffett, has publicly pledged to donate half the money he earned during his lifetime to charity. By 2011, Bill and Melinda Gates had already transferred $28 billion (that is, more than a third of their fortune) to the Foundation.
The Foundation provides money to a wide variety of organizations to help solve global problems such as poverty and hunger, solve global health issues such as preventative vaccinations and ensure access to reliable medicines. The foundation, for example, gave $112 million to Save the Children to help at-risk newborns and $456 million to MVI, which is developing new vaccines against malaria.
A Turkish assassin named Mehmet Ali Agca shot Pope John Paul II three times in St. Peter's Square in the Vatican. This happened on May 13, 1981. One bullet bounced off the Pope's index finger and hit him in the stomach. The other one hit my right elbow. Later, John Paul II would say that he survived only thanks to the divine intervention of the Virgin Mary.
On May 17, 1981, just four days after the assassination attempt, the pontiff publicly forgave Agca, saying that he had forgiven him even when he was being taken in an ambulance to the Gemelli Hospital. And in 1983, the Pope visited Agca in prison, where he was serving his 19-year sentence. During this meeting, John Paul II took his would-be killer by the hand and forgave him, this time looking into his eyes.
Nelson Mandela was convicted of sabotage during apartheid South Africa, after which he spent 27 years in prison on Robben Island.
When he was finally released in 1990, he had no desire to take revenge on his former captors. Moreover, he invited one of them, a white man named Christo Brand, to his presidential inauguration, which took place in 1994. Brand was also invited to the 20th anniversary of the release of Nelson Mandela. Another of Nelson Mandela's jailers, James Gregory, also talked and wrote a lot about his friendship with the famous political prisoner.
Both Gregory and Brand spoke of their deep respect for Mandela. Brand, in particular, spoke about his transformation from a person who supported apartheid to a person who was categorically against oppression and racial segregation. According to Brand, his life changed greatly under Mandela's influence, and their friendship became a lesson in forgiveness for many in this world.
Kenyan runner Abel Mutai led the cross-country race, which took place in Navarra, Spain in December 2012. The runner thought that he had already crossed the finish line, but in fact there were about 10 meters left to it.
The Spanish runner, Ivan Fernandez Anaya, claiming second place, could well have taken gold, but did not do so. Instead, Fernandez Anaya caught up with Mutai and motioned for him to finish first. Fernandez Anaya later stated that he did not deserve first place and chose honesty over victory.
By December 1914, the First World War had already claimed almost a million lives (and a total of 14 million would die in this war), but for one day - Christmas - a truce was established between British and German soldiers.
It is still unknown exactly how true this story is, and how much its details are exaggerated. But if she is to be believed, then the British soldiers in the trenches on the front line suddenly heard a familiar tune coming from the German trenches nearby. It was “Silent Night”, from which unauthorized fraternization between enemies began. There were no gunshots or explosions during the Christmas Truce. The soldiers, quite tired of the war, simply shook hands, and then shared cigarettes and threw canned goods throughout the Western Front.
In 1994, an ethnic war raged in Central Africa between the Hutu and Tutsi people. It was that year that Iphigenia Mukentebana's husband and five of her children were killed by Hutu militia. The actual culprit of the horror that befell her family was Iphigenia's neighbor named Jean Bosco Bizimana.
Ten years later, Iphigenia, while weaving baskets as part of the Rwanda's Path to Peace project, met a weaver named Epiphania Mukanundwi, who turned out to be the wife of Jean Bosco Biziman.
Jean Bosco himself served a 7-year sentence in prison for crimes he committed during the genocide, but it was his public request for forgiveness, delivered in a Rwandan court, that helped Iphigenia forgive this man and gave her the strength to move on.
Recently, one elderly man told me that only after he began to work on himself did he truly realize that all women, from classmates to his own wife and daughters, treated or treat him exactly the same way as his mother. The only exceptions were two colleagues who treated him with respect, but they appeared in his life when he had already worked hard on himself. He became so accustomed to the position of being humiliated that he could not imagine any other attitude towards himself if he had not fallen ill.
According to him, if not for his illness, then a little more, and he was ready, like a wild animal in a cage, to tear to pieces any woman who pestered him with constant training. Illness came to his aid, because, in spite of everything, he still wanted to remain a good person, even though he knew that he was considered bad. This knowledge was compensated by the feeling that he was a good person, or at least not as bad as disgruntled critics said about him.
A sick man who continues to trust his feelings is capable of a quick recovery. It is much more difficult for women, because they confuse feelings with emotions.
There are many diseases in which the physical body ceases to obey a person. Patients working on themselves have said more than once that if it weren’t for their illness, they would have killed someone. They recognize the full extent of the hatred they feel and release it. They understand why treatment produces a slower effect than desired. They often ask me how I dare to tell patients the truth. I don’t always dare. At least not on the first visit. Half of them understand me, and half of them don't understand.
When a person has committed a murder and the court brings charges against him, then if he confesses to the crime committed, but does not admit his guilt, he falls into apathy. A person in a state of apathy considers his action justified. Serial and mass killers a similar way of thinking is inherent. Even when they are already behind bars, they continue to believe that they killed this or that bad person with justice. They know that someone wants to kill them themselves. From childhood they were taught to reason with physical violence, and in the same way they reason with other people. Physical violence automatically develops into murder if the enemy does not accept edification.
A serial killer takes pleasure in the murders he commits and hopes to become famous for it. When he sees the victim's blood, he does not have any emotions. Why are you scared by the sight of blood? You are afraid to subconsciously reveal your love to everyone, because then it will cease to be true. Are you afraid of losing true love? because they have experienced it in their lives. But the serial killer did not. And he implements your desire to see true love at least once in your life: He sees blood, and blood is love. His goal was to see love, and the man achieves his goal.
A person who has fallen into apathy knows and feels that no one has ever loved him and that no one needs his love. So his love turns into love for everyone in whom he recognizes himself. Somewhere in the depths of his soul there glimmers a hope that does not allow him to commit suicide, but in moments of bitterness he is struck by the thought that people like him need to be killed so that they do not breed their own kind. His attitude towards his own mother and towards mothers in general is especially ruthless.
In a moment of mental crisis, in the midst of a quarrel with his mother or after a quarrel, he may have a desire to take revenge on his mother as painfully as possible, and he commits suicide in order to get rid of the torment and so that the mother gets what she deserves. The mother, who even after this does not understand her mistakes, begins to look for the culprits on the side. Often, the mother still realizes her guilt and, nevertheless, looks for the culprit among those around her, or others look for her at her request, just so that people do not point the finger at her. Despite this, her sense of guilt intensifies, plunging her into apathy, and she begins to look for culprits on an ever larger scale.
People involved in euthanasia , for the torment of a hopelessly ill person is truly worse than death. Why death does not come to the patient itself is something proponents of euthanasia do not think about. In some countries, euthanasia is legal. This means that in a given country the law allows the cultivation of karmic debt. Anyone who truly empathizes with those who are suffering knows how to really help them. When a terminally ill person comes to the realization of forgiveness, his torment ends. He helps himself, and death helps him.
Religious fanatics who believe in the end of the world, They kill their fellow believers and consider their act justified. Apparently, they believe that dying unexpectedly is not as scary as dying during the end of the world. Repressed fear turns into dogmatic knowledge. There is no force more powerful and indestructible than dogma. Since the magnitude of the feeling of guilt depends on the magnitude of fear, the feeling of guilt commensurate with dogma is nothing more than apathy comparable to a vacuum. Anyone who wants to survive under an avalanche of nightmares is forced to become an apathetic egoist. This is how he becomes and, firmly believing that he is right, begins to harass everyone in the same way as they did to him.
2. People who do good who consider themselves creators of good are much worse than criminals, since the criminal He considers only his own actions positive. And he who does good also evaluates his own person positively. The most good of all good deeds, with which he identifies himself, is passionate hatred of any manifestation of evil.
In his extreme, he who does good sees only evil everywhere and strives to be the first in its eradication. The smarter such a person is, the less human remains in him. He loses his human qualities due to merciless kindness and now does to people what he himself suffered from. This is what his ego tells him to do. Ruthless good people are able to live very long lives because they are not allowed into heaven or hell until they voluntarily admit their error.
For a long time I could not understand why people who constantly denounce their neighbors, scold them, criticize them, belittle them, etc., do not realize that with their attitude they are tormenting their neighbors to death. Why don't their conscience torment them? What is the reason for my misunderstanding? The fact that I saw myself in them. It hurts me very much when I am accused of something, so I am not in a hurry to judge others. I experienced this pain very clearly as a child, and this prompted me to search for ways to reduce it. As you can see, I found this method and am sharing it with everyone.
I once felt sympathy for a person from the same category of accusers. A visitor sat opposite me, thoroughly positive, and meekly told me how much she had to endure because those around her were completely bad and did not intend to improve. I listened to her and wondered why I even listen to her. I I could have interrupted her, but I didn’t do it, because I felt that it was for a reason. For a moment I felt sympathy for her. And the next moment it became clear to me what impact empathy has. This is how I experienced energy for the first time sympathy, which she told the readers about.
Sympathy is a feeling that says, I feel the same way that you feel. What did I feel from what was happening in the soul of this good man? I didn't feel anything. Just an eerie, frightening emptiness, or rather a vacuum, and nothing more. This feeling was enough to drive me crazy. It seemed to me that a person could not experience anything worse. Because of the feeling I experienced in a split second, I did not want to sympathize with anyone for six months. Now I understand people who avoid heartfelt communication much better. They take a defensive position because they are not ready to let through themselves all the bad things that exist in their fellow citizens. And I wasn’t ready either.
A person in a state of apathy lives by knowledge. How terrible it is to know that you are a human being, and to feel that you are nobody and that if you don’t do anything, you will remain an empty place. Even a microbe evokes some kind of attitude towards itself, but you are an empty place. Nobody cares about you. Nobody needs you. This gives rise to complete contempt for the human race, as well as a fight against such an attitude, which is essentially a fight against oneself. Those around them would never have thought of what the offended person accuses them of in unison with a whole chorus of similar accusers.
A person who has fallen into apathy from the category of those who do good feels nothing, but knows everything, even what never happened. The smarter he is, the higher his ambitions and the more utopian his inventions are. This means that apathy is a machine that continuously produces slander, Moreover, there will never be an end to the raw materials in use. Apathy products are in high demand when dealing with a spiritual person. Whoever is afraid of such an attitude brings it upon himself and suffers, turning into an absolute materialist, or, in modern terminology, into an egoist. The egoist is protected from the feelings of his neighbors, because from the insensitive, other people's feelings bounce off like peas off a wall.
This is how we perish spiritually, although it seems to us that we are developing. What to do? Give up and shed tears? Not at all - the matter is not so hopeless. Do not forget - while we are alive, there is still more than 50% good in us, and less than 50% bad.
Unconscious knowledge results in suffering, while conscious knowledge - awareness - eliminates suffering and allows you to experience life as a human being. The hardest thing is for an apathetic person, because apathy is the worst state in which a person can find himself. Whether a young man or an old man is seized by apathy, it still forces a person to fight for the improvement of the world. Until the world becomes perfect, his soul will not rest.
A young creator of good, experiencing apathy, fights, for his soul will be torment, if he does not atone for his guilt. The old creator of good, experiencing apathy, fights, for his soul will be get sick, if he does not atone for his guilt.
The difference is that the young one talks more about his work and accomplishments, while the old one talks about his health and illnesses. Time, that merciless joker, has a habit of proving that victory is nothing but defeat.
The young becomes an old man, and experiences turn into torture, and apathy remains the same fire-breathing dragon: if you don’t spew fire, you will burn alive in it. Thus, apathy gives a person a sign to free it from captivity. A person who is overcome by apathy will not help himself, because he is not able to feel sorry for himself and sympathize, but this does not mean that his affairs are hopeless. If you consider him a person and sympathize with him, then you are helping him, and perhaps he will find himself again. Feeling that someone is ready to believe his suffering, the person opens up. This happens very slowly, but that’s not what we’re talking about now.
Usually they stay away from such people and their stories, because a person who does good, oppressed by apathy, even near the bed of a dying person will talk about how he is the sickest person in the world. He knows that no one believes his words, and this makes him furious. If you look at it, he's right. There is a remedy for any physical pain, but there is no material remedy that would be able to relieve mental pain.
Pain can be dulled only by deeds, of which the most effective is struggle. Fighting with people and with life. Whoever has such an opportunity lives long because he realizes his desire. Anyone who wants to remain an intellectual does not have such an opportunity, and he has to suffer from his own apathy, as if on fire. The more he hates the whole world and all people, the more he longs for death, for burning in hellish flames is more painful than death. He wants people to believe in his suffering, but no one believes. How can you trust a person who tortures himself? It is always clearer from the outside than to the person himself.
How do you feel after reading the book this far? Do you think with horror about what kind of people you have to live side by side with? Do you feel like giving up on everything when you think about the future? Or maybe you are one of those who runs from problems? Do you remember that at the beginning of the chapter we were talking about feelings of guilt and that apathy is not a monstrously scary person, but simply an extremely severe feeling of guilt that says: “Look me in the eyes and start releasing me, then everything will gradually get better. Big things start from small things, and complex problems arise from simple ones. If you get to the simple essence of your next complex problem, it will be easy to release it.”
Do you have apathy? Speaking about energies of the extreme kind, every person would like to say that he does not have this, but in fact, we all have everything that exists in the world. How do you know if apathy has settled in you or not? The word “apathy” itself is foreign, but in order to understand the essence of the phenomenon, we will use such concepts as indifference, passivity, isolation and indifference. All my adult life, my greatest fear was indifference. If someone said: “I don’t care!” I shuddered. I couldn't tell him: “Just don’t be indifferent - be good or bad, be anything, but not indifferent!”, but in my thoughts I addressed him with these words.
The older I became, the more painfully I reacted to any manifestation of passivity, because it is also indifference, and the more often I said to myself: I will never become indifferent. A person should not say such things to himself, because the self-confidence with which such decisions are made is self-defense, which can work on the physical level, but it cannot protect the spiritual level. Making a promise to yourself is the same as making a promise to God, and this cannot be done out of fear, shame, or contempt.
Self-defense is the fearful anger with which a person brings upon himself the thing from which he is defending himself. As a result of the struggle and the experiences associated with it, a person sooner or later is overcome by the most dangerous type of indifference - indifference to oneself. He is still capable of showing kindness towards his neighbors, but is merciless towards himself. Indifference to oneself is the best defense against indifference from others. This means that people don't even have to destroy him as a person. He destroys himself.
Indifference is born desire a person to be in harmony with everyone, to feel unity with all that exists. At the same time, he does not ask the question whether it is necessary and whether it is necessary in this form. First, there is no need for what is already there. Even if a person does not feel unity with all that exists, it is nevertheless present. Secondly, maybe there is no need to sacrifice yourself at all.
Unity with everything And unity- these are two sides of a single whole that cannot close if they are separated by fear. The man who wishes unity with everyone, he can try his best and can in the physical sense be an excellent family man, friend, member of society and the human race, but the more he tries, the more often he notices indifference in those around him, and this begins to hurt and irritate him more and more.
Unbeknownst to himself, a person begins to fight human indifference. As long as he lives in it wish being a positive person, he tries to fight in a good way. When his strength runs out, he abandons his idea, praising God for not dealing with his indifferent neighbor. A period of mental peace begins, which, against one’s will, over time develops into tragic apathy, indifference.
Indifference to the world of things leads to their breakdown, indifference to plants and animals destroys plants and animals, and indifference to man destroys him both physically and spiritually. Passivity, self-isolation and indifference are only a prelude to indifference. At the next stage, a person moves on to the deliberate destruction of his neighbors.
For a person overcome by fears, the arithmetic is simple: if he wishes good and achieves good, this means that he himself is good.
1 + 1= 2.
If he doesn’t achieve good things, he believes that he has the right to demand, and does so. The stronger the desire to be good, the more militant his demands sound. If he does not get the good, he considers himself bad and therefore fights with everything that prevents him from getting the good. He identifies the spiritual with the earthly and the more he gets used to receiving earthly goods, the more persistently he demands spiritual ones for himself. He does not resign himself to the fact that spiritual benefits are not obtained. He is capable of killing anyone who tries to prove him otherwise. That’s why people in manic-depressive states are dangerous to society.
A characteristic sign of apathy is indifferent attitude towards love. This makes a person a consumer, taking everything he can from life. The worst kind of apathy is indifference to oneself, because it gives rise to indifference to people.
To prevent this disaster, the body becomes sick. Being a reflection of a person’s mental state, the body can become loose and cry out for help, but a good person pushes himself to do as much as possible before death, that is, to do as much as possible errors. The body tells the person that the deadline has come do something for yourself and the person thinks that the last time has come to run for the sake of others. Some people fulfill their mission almost at a crawl, despite all the signs that no one cares about his heroism.
Remember - indifference towards you from others is a sign that you should treat yourself more caringly . The most obvious indication of the problem is indifference on the part of family members. You can do something extremely important for all of humanity, but if you don’t start this business by working on yourself, then it will remain unclaimed until the end of your days. If you take care of yourself, those around you will become imbued with the importance of your business. A person who cares about himself treats people with attention, considers them and cares about them, but since he does not do this for show, his attitude goes unnoticed.
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