There is always a way out, it’s 100%. It's just not necessarily the way you see it. It makes sense for you to look at the situation from the outside or rise higher above the clouds and look at it all from above. No emotions - just options. Take this situation away from yourself and imagine that this situation is someone else’s. Here are another man and woman, and they have the same situation.
Imagine that you are watching a movie. We love, when the series is on, to say: “No need, where are you going... Why are you with him again? Yes, he’s like that again, go over there.” We try to solve everything for the heroes, advise them the best option. So you advise this woman (yourself) what to do.
Imagine this is a series. Tell me what you think would be the right thing to do and what options there are. Is there an option to go to another country, to live with your parents? Why is this an obstacle for you? Changing your place of residence is interesting. There may be another man there. You can shake yourself up, change, change your life altogether.
An example from personal life
I'm actually from Ulyanovsk. I studied there. She got divorced there. And I can’t wrap my head around divorcing my husband and living in the same apartment with him. This is not for me. I didn’t even have this in my thoughts, I just got divorced and left right away. Moved, exchanged. That's it... Well, let's say, already in the process I decided that I was moving to live in Moscow.
I'm going there to earn money and look for work. Because I had just defended my dissertation and needed a job. The parents resisted very strongly at that time, and their daughter was only one and a half years old. They told me: “We won’t go with you, you won’t be able to go there.”
But I decided that I would go there anyway, life changes - that means it needs to be changed. It's easier to do this now. When some changes happen in life, it’s easier to change everything else to the heap. Here I am in Moscow, 2003. From now on I am in Moscow. In the first year, I managed to sell what I had in Ulyanovsk. We bought an apartment here.
That is, the parents arrived, the granddaughter and all that. And there were no other options for me, I didn’t think: “How will I live in Moscow?” Everyone lives, so I will live. There are problems that I solve that I try to look at positively. If I constantly think negatively, then, in general, life will turn out that way. This is also a definite scenario.
The situations can be very different. Someone has this: “I have a daughter, but I can’t change the apartment: my ex doesn’t give consent. I can only move to a new man.” But even here there are ways out. You can separate housing through the court. After you separate your property through the court, a certain amount is assigned to you square meters, and you can do whatever you want with them. You can sell them. Officially, the court will assign a certain number of rooms to you, and you can either sell them or change them. There are always options.
And even to the phrase “This is not profitable. “I won’t buy anything with this money,” one might object. What does "don't buy" mean? Finally, buy yourself a house outside the city. You need to find out, do something, watch and estimate. Not in this city, in another. And here the reluctance to do anything is clearly visible. If you do not see other options, then you will have exactly the option that you ordered for yourself. You can suffer like this for the rest of your life. It's sad, but that's how it is. Until you yourself want to change something in your life, you will always have various excuses: it’s not profitable, I won’t buy anything, I won’t succeed, or some other nonsense. If you wanted something and it didn’t happen, it means you didn’t really want it.
How do you cope with difficult situations?
Due to lack of funds, students living in a hostel or renting an apartment are forced to use tricks and be creative to save money. After all, DIY items can save you a lot of money, and this list of thrifty solutions to everyday problems is a great proof of that! Whether you're a student or just someone trying to cut costs, these ideas will inspire you to become more resourceful and think beyond standard solutions.
I looked out the window and watched with envy the birds and the dogs running along the paths of the yard... How easily and painlessly they move!
While I was tormented by unbearable pain at the slightest movement of my arm or leg. And I decided to die. Once and for all, put an end to constant painful sensations and free your loved ones from the “heavy burden.”
In front of me was a glass of water and a handful of sleeping pills. All that remained was to swallow and wash it all down... And then my devoted dog began to give birth. With her gaze she begged me for help. Thoughts of suicide immediately evaporated. Cute puppies were born. They needed me, so it was worth living on. At that time I was a little over 20 years old...
For as long as I can remember, I was an active child, then an equally active teenager. I really didn’t like sitting at home and didn’t understand those who spend hours and hours of their young years watching TV or the computer: I went with friends to a disco, went camping, visited the fitness center, and the swimming pool. I had everything to consider myself happy, and it didn’t even occur to me that one morning I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed.
Before all this happened, I managed to get a diploma from a medical school and get a job in my specialty. She loved her work and did it with pleasure. But at some point I began to notice that I was experiencing pain from basic actions, for example, when I tightened the tourniquet on the patient’s arm. I shared my experiences with my colleagues and, on their advice, took rheumatic tests.
The tests confirmed the fears - an inflammatory process was detected in the body. At the hospital where I was admitted for examination, a disappointing verdict was given - rheumatoid arthritis. And this is at the age of 20, when you are overwhelmed with a thirst for life and have so many goals and desires ahead... So, completely unexpectedly for myself, I became a group II disabled person. The doctors’ recommendations were categorical: forget about the possibility of becoming a mother and get used to the idea of having to “sit” on hormones.
Gradually, all the joints of the body were in the grip of the disease. I couldn't move my fingers when I woke up in the morning. Sometimes I even had to brush my teeth with the help of my parents. They dressed me up and went for walks with me. Frequent fainting, nausea, fever. The basis of the diet was numerous medications, which took up all my disability benefits. I had to quit my job, I spent almost all my time lying in bed.
The feeling of helplessness was unbearable! I was ashamed in front of my parents for my inability to take care of myself. I constantly thought about the same thought: how to live further? I absolutely did not see the point in a “vegetative existence” and the complete dependence of my existence on my loved ones. It is clear that such thoughts did not add optimism, and I decided to take the most terrible step - to die. But, fortunately, my idea did not come true.
Later, when I calmed down, I began to think about the consequences of such an act: I imagined the suffering of people close to me, and I felt ashamed of my cowardice. I made a promise to myself - to fight for my happiness, despite all the hardships of my situation. And I began to act - step by step, overcoming the excruciating pain.
At the first moment, my friend became the “motivator” for the movement. He bought various goodies (I can’t live without fruit, especially bananas) and filled the refrigerator with them. Since everyone went to work every day, I had to get out of bed to eat. This was my first incentive to move.
I realized that in principle I can, although limited space, but still move independently. After that, I consciously began to look for activities for which I would not only need to get out of bed, but also get myself in order and leave the house. For example, feed the stray cat living in our basement, go to the store for bread, or buy your own medicine without asking your family for help.
A separate topic is my mood. Depression became my companion for a long time. I understood that this was very upsetting to my loved ones. In order to somehow smooth out the situation, I tried to cope with the blues - I tried at least not to show my mood, not to complain and to smile more often. Interestingly, this immediately affected my lifestyle. Friends, former colleagues, classmates flocked to my house.
I didn’t even notice how the guests began integral part my existence. And this really helped to cope with gloomy thoughts - it distracted me from the topic of illness and switched to other interests. I suddenly began to notice that life was not so easy for my healthy friends either, to delve into the essence of their problems, to give advice. A psychological role change occurred: I was no longer a “victim” of the disease: at first I became a hospitable hostess of the house, and gradually I felt that I was becoming the mistress of my destiny. And she no longer expected mercy from the outside - from medicines, doctors, but she herself tried to build her life in the proposed circumstances.
At some point I came to the decision that I needed daily communication, and therefore I had to go to work! I won't say that it was completely simple. I constantly felt the difference between myself and those around me. But thanks to my colleagues - they found me a job that did not require active travel, and tried to help me in everything. I still got to work and home with the help of my parents - my father drove me in an old car.
And one fine day a new guy got a job with us. I didn’t even notice how we developed a particularly trusting relationship: at any opportunity he was nearby, we were interested in communicating, it turned out that we had a lot in common in character and interests. In short, it started love affair at work. At some point, I began to think about the prospects of this relationship and was afraid of my own thoughts: who needs a sick wife? And I myself didn’t want to be a burden to my loved one, so thoughts about marriage became taboo for me. But the anxiety still did not leave me and I honestly told my loved one about my doubts. Oddly enough, this conversation, on the contrary, accelerated the development of our relationship.
People say correctly that true love there are no barriers. We got married and have been together for more than 10 years. My husband is my support in everything. What’s interesting is that he perceives me as a full-fledged person. I began to perceive myself this way. The self-pity caused by the disease disappeared. I just always feel a reliable shoulder nearby.
Our family turned out to be the envy of those around us! The only thing that was depressing was the lack of children. I remembered the doctors' warning. And the husband did not insist, he said: make the decision yourself. I was afraid of harming my health. I understood that a child is a risk. In addition, it is a great responsibility. And if the baby arrives, excuses about not feeling well (even if this is really the case!) will become completely inappropriate. But...I decided to take this step, which I don’t regret at all now!
Thank you so much for your support and help in raising children (we now have two!) to our family and friends. Without them, I would hardly be able to withstand all the hardships of pregnancy and raising children. And, despite the increased number of worries, my son and daughter became the meaning of my whole life for me. This was the final touch that completed my life and made me a completely happy person, despite my health problems. Communication with children makes you forget about illnesses and tune in only to the positive! After all, I still have to raise them to their feet, how can I allow myself to “sour”?
Now I live a normal life without pain and medications. I think a lot of credit for this goes to the rheumatologist whom I saw at the beginning of my illness. I remember that only pensioners were in the room with me. They spent the whole day lying down reading magazines. And the doctor said: “I can’t make grandmothers run, but you have to do it yourself. After all, movement is your health and life.”
I have already talked above about how difficult it was to follow these recommendations in the first months and years. But over time, my health improved. And I realized the main thing: movement really makes me healthier. And I began to look for ways to additionally physical activity. I started going to the gym and joined a special group for people with health problems. After a year of regular training, I felt a significant improvement: I was able to easily go up and down the stairs to any floor (although before that I had difficulty going up to the 3rd floor!).
Today I am already over 30. I swim, dance, raise children, am loved and love my husband, have many friends and enjoy life. But a little more than 10 years have passed since then, when I was simply convinced that my life was over.
