The world's population has already exceeded 3 billion. And all people are different. Some people go through life laughing; easily and simply overcomes all life's adversities; finds new friends everywhere and does not forget to honor old ones with attention; Everyone knows him and everyone loves him, because he is a holiday man. And someone just dreams of such a fate and day after day asks the question: “How to change your character so that you are at least a little like those lucky ones who are adored by everyone?”
But everyone has shortcomings, and outward carefreeness is just one side of the coin. But not everyone understands this. But imperfections are more easily perceived by others if a person is easy-going, positive and sociable. So how can you change your character? Psychology provides the answer to this question and many side questions. And one of the main ones sounds like this: what is the problem of those who want to change? The answers are obvious:
Innate character traits;
Fear of change;
External aggravating circumstances.
How to fight? First, understand what you can overcome on your own and what you cannot. And then turn to professionals for help.
1. Selfishness. Someone is completely in love with himself, considers himself a unique and incredible person. He does not admit mistakes, and chalks up successes only to his own account. And thus he simply does not allow other people into his life, even his parents and loved ones. Of course, this is an extreme manifestation of selfishness, expressed in pure narcissism, but such people really exist. Is it worth it and how to change your character for the sake of your loved one? Costs. Only determination and effort will lead to real results.
2. Inconsistency. Someone’s mood is like a sine wave: it either rises rapidly, then rolls downward at speed. People around are at a loss: what to expect from such a person? But he himself is not happy, he himself cannot sort out his thoughts and intentions.
3. Infantility. There is a child inside every adult. The question is how much space an adult takes up in his soul. Enjoying life without regard to troubles is a wonderful quality. But not taking on at least some responsibility is, alas, repulsive. Such people should think about how to change their character to a more mature one.
4. Closedness. If someone deliberately fences himself off from the world around him, erects walls and obstacles on the way to his soul, he is most likely doomed to loneliness. Too few people want to overcome the barriers someone else has built.
5. Bitchiness. If your fighting spirit is a consequence of the feeling that you are surrounded by competitors and envious people, it’s time to think about how this rejection of others can help you find true friends. No, not useful connections, but people for whom the person himself is important. By the way, bitchiness is not only a female trait.
6. Softness. People rarely become friends with a person who cannot refuse. Rather, they are used, giving preference to reliability rather than character traits. How to change your character to a tougher one? The answer is ambiguous.
But if a goal appeared, then there was also a chance to change in better side. To achieve results, use several proven methods.
Who, if not relatives, know a person best? Therefore, their help is difficult to overestimate. Be prepared to soberly listen to other people's opinions and directly ask them about your negative traits. Most likely, each judgment individually will be subjective, but several put together can set you on the right path.
Another way to look at yourself from the outside is to ask someone to make a video recording. Not the whole day, of course, but the moment when you are at the peak of irritation, begin to make a row or argue irreconcilably with someone (it is especially important to catch the moment when you are the initiator of the conflict). You can analyze the video yourself, but it is better to seek comments from a specialist - he will certainly tell you how to get out of the situation, as well as how to change your character for the better. In any case, the scene you see from the outside will clearly demonstrate the shortcomings of your own nature. Most likely, one video will not solve the problem, but it will definitely motivate you to improve yourself.
Yes, yes, find a friend who will be completely similar to you - the same habits, hobbies, outlook on life... and most importantly, the same problems. With its help, it will be even easier for you to look at yourself from the outside, understand what repels others in your behavior, and what exactly needs to be changed in your character.
It's easy to say, "Find it." But, on the other hand, fate often pits similar people against each other. You just need to take a closer look. And you know better than anyone how to get to know each other and get closer. Just ask yourself what you expect from a stranger. And there will definitely be common topics for conversation.
Spend as much time as possible together, because the more communication, the more unforeseen situations you can get into and reveal hidden character traits. Look at your new friend like in a mirror before leaving the house. Note to yourself your attitude towards other people, loved ones and relatives. After some time, the answer to the question will come by itself: “How to change your character?”
Positively minded people find solutions to problems faster. It's simple - they knock out a wedge with a wedge. Therefore, spend more time with kind and optimistic people. Try to imitate them. As soon as you notice the first signs of irritation in yourself, fight! Hold on with all your might good mood. Deep inhalations and exhalations, counting to yourself from 0 to 10, or bright images from memories help maintain balance.
Literature from the category of Eastern philosophy helps to get out of depression and move into a peaceful state.
How to change your character? Deliberately make yourself nervous, and then suddenly feel elated. Disabled children, orphans, and elderly people need love and care. All this is not an easy task for strangers. But the very awareness of a good deed helps to improve oneself. Fate offended them, did not give them human warmth much more than you. Using the example of other people's failures, it is much easier to feel the joy of your own successes. In addition, as a bonus for your kindness, you will receive long-awaited attention and participation in your life. strangers. What will give you confidence in your own abilities.
Any notebook or any popular Internet service is suitable for a diary. Write down thoughts, negative, positive - it doesn’t matter. Set goals for yourself. Write about your achievements. And be sure to re-read it. Paper and the Internet will bear everything, and with the passage of time you will be able to look back at your problems and look at them with fresh, critical eyes. Analyze carefully. Don't run from your shortcomings, recognize the enemy and fight.
Are you still asking yourself how to change your character? And yet you already know the answer: “It’s not easy at all.” Great! Awareness is one of the stages of self-improvement. Make an effort, try and don’t give up - you will succeed. Victory over yourself is worth all the effort and time spent. You will soon notice that you have become happier, more popular, more loved, more successful. So don’t hesitate, wasting precious minutes - start acting right now.
There are no ideal people. Each of us can be cheerful, sociable, nervous or withdrawn. There are predominant qualities and it is by them that a person’s character is determined. It greatly influences interpersonal relationships and achieving success in various industries. If the chosen model of behavior causes inconvenience: aggressiveness scares people away, tearfulness annoys others, and isolation does not allow making new acquaintances at all, a person thinks about how to change his character.
Is it possible to change your character? Most experts believe that this is impossible. This is not entirely true. Any person can change his character and, thereby, change his life. But it is not easy process which requires maximum responsibility, preparation and a clear action plan.
It is much easier to change your behavior in specific situation. Let’s say that a person is unrestrained and in anger can yell at anyone, be it a dog, an acquaintance or a boss. Learn to react calmly conflict situations It will be easier than excessive emotionality in life, which can manifest itself not only in hot temper, but also in uncontrollable positive outbursts. Few people will like the hugs and kisses of a stranger when he finds out about a promotion and, from an overabundance of feelings, shares his joy with others.
Essentially, character is habits, behavior, a stable way of thinking and reacting in different situations. All this is adjustable. Character is not a rigid system that cannot be reconfigured. It simply determines the tendency to act in one way or another.
Before you begin to change your character, it is important to understand how it is formed.
It is worth considering that innate ability to change is not the same. Just like inner strength. Therefore, for some it may be harder. And don't despair. And apply maximum patience.
You can wait until the character itself changes throughout life and different situations, or you can act immediately yourself. It's time to move on to the question of how to change your character.
Necessary steps:
Without a clear understanding of what he is, all attempts to radically change his character will be doomed to failure. For several weeks, write down in a notebook all the character traits that you discover in yourself. This is a natural experiment, there is no need to hide anything. It would be good if, in addition to the main qualities, those that rarely appear were also found. Let's say in emergency situations.
It is important to understand why you decided to become different. Is this desire true? Otherwise, nothing will work. If it is not you who want change, but someone close to you or your environment, and not you personally, it is better to change your environment, not your character. It will be impossible to advance without your own motivation. If there are character changes, they will be temporary. There is no way to do this without personal enthusiasm.
Many people think about how to change their character for the better, and fail in the battle with themselves. This happens because there is no clear understanding of what the desired character should ultimately look like. But without this it is impossible to find the most correct and effective ways to achieve the goal. It is better to devote a couple of days to analyzing your existing and desired character than to pointlessly take some action in the hope of a result.
This is not about mindlessly cloning the entire image of another person. But, for sure, there are people in your environment who inspire you or admire you with some qualities. The best way cultivate individual traits in yourself - watch how people with the desired character act and react in certain situations.
This is especially important in critical situations, when habitual reactions, tightly ingrained in the brain, take over your behavior. Imagining what someone else would do can help.
Of course, you can do without this by educating yourself on your own, but this will be an approximate guideline that will help you track how well your own work is progressing.
A person who possesses your negative qualities in an even more pronounced form. Communicating with him, observing all the consequences of his actions, you hardly want to become like that. The action of an anti-motivator can also help you realize and periodically remember why you decided to change.
If you cannot control yourself, your feelings and emotions, it is not possible to change your character. Enter a certain daily routine, write down your cherished goals and ways to achieve them. By doing some small actions at first, through strength, you can develop real fortitude.
Having become accustomed to overcoming difficulties, all further actions will be done faster, automatically, since the necessary experience has already been gained. You should never deviate from your goals, even if something doesn’t work out, you’re lazy, or you don’t have the strength. It’s scary for everyone, but nothing will come of it without effort.
The question is not only how to change your character for the better, but also how to change yourself. Often these are interdependent processes. Having a whole list of bad habits that control you, it is difficult to find the strength to change and develop new qualities.
Certain habits greatly influence a person, shaping his personality. If you want to become fundamentally different, you need to change your life as a whole. Smoking, alcohol or drugs, constant laziness and poor grooming, a tendency to overeat and nervous nail biting will not help with this. On the contrary, it is worth understanding how they affect your life, why they are present in it and how to get rid of them. By engaging in self-development, improving existing skills and acquiring new ones, it will only become easier on the path of change.
All changes, although they begin from the head, are first reflected in the body. It is worth monitoring your behavior physical level. Keep your head straight, shoulders back, speed up or slow down your gait, depending on the desired qualities, voice your opinion loudly and clearly, look your interlocutor straight in the eyes.
To show your new qualities. It is important to change your usual living environment. Try something new. To practice or consolidate developed qualities.
This will help you renounce the formed image of yourself. Clothes can also emphasize certain qualities. To do this, you just have to look at businessmen, hippies and Rastafarians, athletes, fashionistas or teachers. Everyone's dressing style will be different according to their behavior.
The transformation process is not easy. To understand which techniques work and which don't, it's important to get all these details in writing.
The path to changing your character will be long, you will have to rethink a lot in life, change even the most obvious things in your behavior. You should be prepared that the transformation may not be to everyone’s liking. Therefore, it is important to know why and why you are doing it. And remember this. Making a change for the better always pays off.
In their youth, people do not often think about how to change their character. As a rule, this thought comes with growing up and the desire to fully communicate with others. A person realizes that everyone around him does not have to love him if he is not himself, constantly whines and complains about life, is angry or lazy.
The moment you realize that your character is the cause of difficult relationships in the family or at work, you urgently need to take measures to correct the situation.
In essence, a bad character is like a bad habit, only it is more difficult to get rid of than, for example, quitting smoking. If you can control yourself and not buy a pack of cigarettes, then there will be no reason to smoke, but it will be more difficult to get unnecessary thoughts out of your head.
Remember, your character is your idea of life. What you think about yourself will grow and develop in you. Therefore, always imagine what kind of person you want to become.
If you are used to constantly regretting something and telling how unlucky you are in life, think about what you have. Every person has something to be grateful for: health, children, work, appearance. If you think there is nothing, this is your chance to start everything with clean slate. The first thing you need to do before changing your character is to learn to think positively.
Eat interesting technique, which can help you with this. Take a simple elastic band for money and put it on your hand. As soon as a negative thought creeps into your head, immediately pull back the rubber band and “click” - remember that everything is fine, and it will be even better. The habit of controlling your thoughts and not allowing yourself to slide into the swamp of envy, resentment, scandals will make you an optimist, and happiness without optimism is impossible. In turn, a happy person is confident in himself, he is happy for himself and for others, and gives a good mood to those around him.
The second thing without which you cannot change your character is self-love. Every morning, when you wake up and sweetly stretch, go to the mirror, smile and say: “I love you.” Repeat to yourself as often as possible that every minute you are becoming better, kinder, more confident.
Such auto-training will set the right mood for the whole day, and after receiving correct installation, you will follow it automatically.
Not loving yourself because you don't like your character is pointless. Until you accept yourself as you are, you will be filled with negativity towards yourself, and this only destroys. On the contrary, you need to learn to create - to create a new person who will correspond to your ideas.
Character is a set of habits to react in some way to emerging situations. Considering that life consists of repeating moments, learn to analyze your behavior. Great idea will start keeping a diary. Describe what happened to you that day, how you behaved and what you should have done.
For example, you want to, but today your boss suggested filling out the vacation schedule. You, of course, modestly remained silent, although you dreamed of going on vacation in August. Describe the current situation and the reasons for your timidity, draw up an approximate dialogue with your boss that could take place. The next day, with this conversation plan, go and boldly explain to your boss that August is ideal for your vacation. Several such situations, and soon you will be able to stand up for yourself.
Before you change your character, think about whether you really need it. If you do not experience discomfort in communicating with other people and live in harmony with yourself, perhaps you do not need change. You should not rely on the opinion of one person who does not like something about you.
No matter what character trait you decide to combat, you will need to follow a simple plan. First, determine what exactly is behind the problem, what caused it, and what you want to replace it with. For example, if you want to stop getting angry over stupid things, start smiling. Research has shown that a habit is formed within 30 days. This means that if you control your emotions for a month, then after this time the changes will be obvious. If the list of what you want to change is quite extensive, highlight the main points (1-2) that you will work on first.
Having thought about how you can change your character, you should understand that thinking alone is not enough; serious work on yourself will be required. When a person is not satisfied with his body, he goes on a diet and goes to the gym. Actions are always needed to get results. Therefore, having decided to change, act, because the quality of your life depends on this.
Anna, Taganrog
Character is a set of stable mental properties and habitual standard ways of behavior. Very often, character is described through a set of “character traits.” Is it possible to change your character at all? The answer is yes, although it is not an easy task. Character is a secondary formation, it depends on personal development. A personality can, in its development, overcome those traits that are unacceptable to it, for example, as the author of the article writes, when “character is the cause of difficult relationships in the family or at work.” Please note that there is a difference between personality, what a person lives for (what is important to him, what is indifferent) and character, which determines exactly how the process of interaction with the world is realized. There is even an expression: “ Good man with a bad character."
Why does a person need character? It is necessary to preserve the personality itself and the motives that drive a person, i.e. it has a protective function. In order to systematize and simplify life in society, a person accumulates a set of habits - stereotypical ways of behavior (in order not to constantly encounter situations of uncertainty and not to solve constant intrapersonal problems in everyday life).
Remember the beginning of the well-known proverb: “If you sow an action, you will reap a habit...”. Character begins with action in an uncertain situation. “Basically, a bad character is like a bad habit,” in principle, this is true. But we must remember that character begins to be built from childhood around the innate properties of a person: such as nervous system, temperament.
The author of the article points out that the desire to change character comes, as a rule, in adulthood with the emergence of problems in communication, when “a person realizes that everyone around him does not have to love him if he does not love himself, constantly whines and complains about life, gets angry or being lazy." The main reason why a person wants to change is to receive love, respect, recognition from other people. What lies even deeper? It can be difficult to figure this out on your own. It may be a fear of loneliness or emotional dependence on another person who wants you to change. There is a danger here to please others, to ignore your own needs, interests, even fears, i.e. actually “not loving yourself.”
Even if you independently analyze the causes and consequences of your behavior and get to the bottom of the truth, implementing changes in your life can be difficult. A psychologist will spot pitfalls and create a supportive environment for you to try new behaviors and gain new experiences in a safe but meaningful environment.
What problems might a person face if he decides to change his character on his own? On his way, he will most likely encounter relapses, a return to the old, with a feeling of guilt about this, and as a result, a decrease in mood and motivation for change; he may have intrapersonal conflicts, a “rebellion” against a demanding “inner parent” , and he will also discover that self-hypnosis works for a limited time. And further important point– other unexpected changes will follow that will occupy your attention and time (by changing an element of the system, we affect the entire system). Remember that you need to give yourself time so that changes have time to integrate into your life.
Now let's look at several individual traits that the author suggests working on. If a person is “angry,” then it is possible that this is a signal that the situation does not suit him (he wants changes and even has the energy for this), perhaps he is carrying an excessive load, is overexerting himself, or those around him do not hear him.
You also need to understand what it means when a person is “lazy” in each specific case and the reasons for laziness. This can be either chronic fatigue or burnout syndrome. Laziness can be the cause of intrapersonal conflict when, for example, there are arguments for doing something, and others against resistance. Perhaps an internal feeling of the meaninglessness of any actions and at the same time hope for a miracle.
It may turn out that a person has a weak type of nervous system, he needs more rest (others see him as lazy), and this congenital feature. You need to take into account your characteristics in shaping your individual style (then you can compensate for the innate qualities of the nervous system, such as fatigue, excitability, etc.). And here there are other tasks - to accept yourself, adapt and explain to others that everything is fine with you - you are just that way by nature. Try to declare love for yourself! Here a string of new problems and situations may arise when others do not allow you to be who you are. A person learns his character, as well as its changes, through other people. In terms of “seriously working on yourself,” you can completely agree with the author. And sometimes it may turn out that a person wants to change his environment, and not change his character.
The author of the article outlines a sequence of three steps for changing character - self-love and behavior analysis. In itself, positive thinking and self-love, achieving these states is already a goal and a great value. Here we can already talk about a change in character. “Your character is your idea of life. What you think about yourself will grow and develop in you.” I would say the first step is increasing awareness. You need to change your character by changing your attitude towards the world, towards yourself (I agree with the author), if this takes root, then we can consider that the character has changed.
We can agree with the phrase that “a happy person is confident in himself, he is happy for himself and for others, and gives a good mood to those around him.” And a happy person knows his own characteristics, weaknesses and strengths, and accepts himself. There is self-sufficiency and completeness here. Other people perfectly sense our mood, what can be expected from you, and try to be closer.
In conclusion, I would like to add that a person grows and changes - this is normal and natural. You can change spontaneously under the influence of your environment (the opinions of other people, society, circumstances), or you can cultivate what you think is important to develop or preserve in yourself. Train your skill like a muscle! Therefore, it is important to discuss with other people and experiment. The most effective way to do this is with a professional psychologist.
Psychologist-consultant Natalia Sushinina
How to change character? The first thing you need to do is take a piece of paper, a pen and make a list: first, indicate those traits that you think are preventing you from living, and then write down those that you would like to acquire.
To more accurately determine what is negative about you, ask your loved ones. Let them tell you what annoys them about you. This way you can look at yourself from the outside.
Often we ourselves do not see any shortcomings in ourselves, but in this case we can identify a couple more character traits in ourselves that we can correct at the same time.
The next step after compiling a list of necessary and unnecessary character traits, indicate next to the desired ways how to implement this.
For example, laziness can be overcome only by vigorous activity, pessimism - by a positive attitude, anger - by cultivating goodwill, indecision - by taking active actions in relation to what is planned, etc.
Think about what changes your character will bring to you. This will motivate you. But know that changing your character is a long and labor-intensive task, but it perfectly develops willpower.
The task of changing your character is not an easy one, remember this, and in an effort to improve your character, also pay attention to not acquiring others. negative traits. Control this and get rid of them in time.
Thinking about what prevents us from living, we place all the blame on our character and are killed that we were unlucky and we were not born that way. And then we pour from empty to empty, trying to transform someone we don’t know into someone we would like to be. And we make ourselves unhappy even more unhappy. Good news is that everything can be changed.
You smile like an idiot, but irritation shoots up from within like prickly needles - you can’t hide your character with a smile, no matter how hard you try. How to change your character without feeling annoyed for wasted time?
As long as character causes inconvenience to others, we will always find a way to justify ourselves. But when character interferes with our plans and dreams, we have a problem. We can no longer live in the old way, but we have not yet learned to live in the new way.
How to change your character for the better? And it doesn’t matter what exactly is needed: whether to get rid of irritability, become more decisive, or, finally, show character and stop being soft-hearted - everyone has their own list. But ahead of us are vertical races, tests of strength and real hell.
We try, try to remake ourselves, listen to the opinions of others. Some write down negative traits on paper, others use willpower.
Control yourself and you will be happy. Can't control it? Imitate your idol! Don't know who to imitate? Count to 10! No, better up to 100! At worst, open up to the world and to you... Well, you know.
And it seems like everything is starting to change. People aren't so annoying anymore. They listened at work, smiled on the street, obsessive thoughts receded. Life gets better... until the next stress. When the old rake ends up in a new place, and we get the same result - the character was never changed.
Why are we failing?
We are trying to change the internal through external manipulation. We act at random: maybe it will help. Ready to listen to others, but not to hear yourself. We look at ourselves, but we see only the framework that we want to adapt to. We don’t understand the reasons why character deteriorates.
Character is not something cast in stone and unchangeable. These are our habits to live in a certain way. And getting rid of old habits is like fighting windmills. Therefore, it will be more effective to focus on something else - on how to create new habits in yourself, how to cultivate a new character.
Is it possible? Can, for example, a person who is naturally hot-tempered and accustomed to acting in the heat of the moment, suddenly become patient?
How can such a person change his character? He lives as if he were shooting at a target every day. Status, money, ambition - that means you hit the top ten. Fussing, fidgeting, losing money and opportunities - that means she’s a bastard. The first is disciplined, organized, determined and loves to live according to plan. The second is its absolute opposite. But there is much more in common between them than might seem at first glance.
Both have the same set of mental properties, but these properties manifest themselves in different ways.
In System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan, such “shooters at the target of success” are called carriers. The psyche of a skin worker is like a match: it flares up quickly and goes out quickly. The new attracts, the old weighs down. It's easy to start, but it's no longer interesting to finish. Higher, faster, stronger - first! But this does not mean that a leather worker can only be annoyed if everything does not go according to plan or someone is slower than him.
The secret of his calm is how developed he is and how he realizes himself. The more developed and realized a skinner is, the more organized and calm he is. If he doesn’t know how to use himself, he fusses and fidgets, he easily loses his temper and gets irritated.
In other words, character is an unplowed field for development, not struggle with oneself. And this is the first little secret.
The second secret is what motivates us. What motives shape us and influence our character. So, an irritable skin person is enraged by one thing, and the wearer becomes enraged by something completely different.
If a skinman gets irritated and angry when he is unable to control himself or others, then for a peace-loving muscleman to rage, it is enough to suddenly wake him up or not allow him to finish eating like a human being.
A person with... reacts just as suddenly and uncontrollably, but for other reasons. If someone encroaches on his natural rank as a leader, in anger he is more terrible than any man of skin and muscle combined.
Thinking about what prevents us from living, we place all the blame on our character and are killed that we were unlucky and we were not born like that. And then we pour from empty to empty, trying to transform someone we don’t know into someone we would like to be. And we make ourselves unhappy even more unhappy. The good news is that everything can change. Understand yourself, see not negative traits, but strengths that will become a support for us.
The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»
