Listening is a process during which invisible connections are established between people, a feeling of mutual understanding arises, making the communication process more effective.
Listening can be passive or active.
When listening passively, it is difficult for us to understand whether the interlocutor perceives our speech. At the same time, there are no facial or physical reactions to the information received. It seems that the interlocutor is only looking at us, but thinking about his own things. Feeling of not being included in the process.
Active listening helps you understand, evaluate and remember information received from your interlocutor. In addition, the use of active listening techniques can encourage the interlocutor to respond, direct the conversation in the right direction and contribute to a better understanding and correct interpretation of the information received from the interlocutor during your communication. This is especially important when negotiating and communicating with victims in an emergency zone.
Thus, we can say with confidence that the ability to hear and be heard is important not only in our everyday life, but also directly in our work. For example, in minimal short time dialogue with the victim, collect the most significant information for us (including information about the whereabouts of other victims). And this skill needs to be developed.
There are several active listening techniques that can help you demonstrate interest and inclusion in your conversation with the victim.
Active listening techniques:
“Uh-huh” - assent. This is the simplest active listening technique. Anyone uses it almost intuitively. During a conversation, it is recommended to periodically nod your head, say “yes,” “uh-huh,” “uh-huh,” etc. By doing this, you let your interlocutor know that you are listening to him and are interested in him. For example, when you are talking about something on the phone, the use of such techniques by the interlocutor lets you know that you are being listened to. Silence throughout the entire story would make you doubt your partner’s interest in your information.
Pause. A pause is necessary in a conversation in order to help the interlocutor speak out to the end. Firstly, a person often needs time to formulate his thoughts and feelings, and secondly, pauses free the conversation from unnecessary and unnecessary necessary information. For example, when telling a story, a person most likely imagines it. And, in order to transfer a figurative representation into a verbal story, it is necessary to select the right words. And the pauses here are necessary means“transformation” of an image into a word.
Features of asking questions. Open and closed questions.
Closed questions are appropriate not when you want to get as much information as possible from your interlocutor, but when you need to speed up obtaining consent or confirmation of a previously reached agreement, confirm or refute your assumptions. Questions of this type require “yes” or “no” answers. For example, you can give the following questions: “Have you eaten today?”, “Are you healthy?”, “Have you been here long?” “Were you alone?” and so on.
Open questions characterized by the fact that they cannot be answered “yes” or “no”. They require some kind of explanation. They usually start with the words: “what”, “who”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what is your opinion”. With this type of question, you allow the interlocutor to maneuver, and the conversation to move from monologue to dialogue. These types of questions might include: “What did you eat today?”, “How are you feeling?”, “How long have you been here?”
Paraphrasing. This is a formulation of the same thought, but in different words. Paraphrasing makes it possible to the talking person to see that he is correctly understood. And if not, he has the opportunity to make adjustments in time. When paraphrasing, focus on the meaning and content of the message, and not on the emotions that accompany it.
Paraphrasing can begin with the following phrases:
- “If I understand you correctly, then...”;
- “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re saying that...”;
- “In other words, you think that...”;
This technique is appropriate when the speaker has logically completed one of the fragments of the story and is gathering his thoughts to continue. You should not interrupt him until the fragment of the story is completed.
For example, your interlocutor says that one day he came home tired, put down his briefcase and took off his shoes, and when he walked into the room, he saw a pot of flowers there, broken and lying on the floor, and his beloved cat was sitting next to him, but he I decided not to punish her, although I was very upset. In this case, the paraphrasing technique can be used like this: if I understand you correctly, then when you came home, you saw a broken pot of flowers and your cat next to it. But, despite the fact that you were upset by what you saw, you decided not to punish your pet.
Summary. This technique summarizes the main ideas and feelings. This is, as it were, a conclusion from everything that has already been said by man. A summary phrase represents the interlocutor’s speech in a “collapsed” form. This technique of active listening is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which, as you remember, is to repeat the opponent’s thoughts, but in your own words (which shows the interlocutor our attention and understanding). When summarizing, from the whole part of the conversation, only the main idea, phrases such as:
- “Your main idea, as I understand it, is that...”;
- “To summarize what has been said, then...”
For example, your boss told you that “due to the fact that relations with colleagues from Italy have become tense and may threaten conflict, you need to go on a business trip for negotiations, establish relations with them and try to conclude a contract.” Here the summing up technique would sound like this: “to summarize what has been said, you are asking me to go to Italy in order to establish contact with colleagues and conclude an agreement with them.”
Rapport. Rapport involves “joining” a person through certain “channels”: intonation, rate of speech and breathing.
Joining by intonation; The same words, pronounced with different intonations, can convey different meanings, even opposite ones. Even the simplest word “yes”, with different intonations, can carry a denial. Intonation is capable of conveying deep emotions: sadness, pity, tender feelings, etc., and various states: indifference, curiosity, peace, anger, anxiety, etc. Therefore, in order to be understood correctly, it is very important to monitor your own intonation.
For example, the phrase “I'm glad to see you” can have different meanings with different intonations. In one case, we understand that the person is sincerely glad to see us, and in the other, that this phrase was said only out of politeness.
When communicating with the victim, joining by intonation sometimes gives a colossal result, as if identifying him and you, creating the impression of kinship, similarity, understanding of the victim’s condition, which greatly facilitates further interaction with him.
Joining according to speech rate. Pace includes the speed of speech in general, the duration of individual words and pauses.
Speech that is too fast may indicate excitement and high internal tension, even some kind of nervousness. Too slow and sluggish speech may indicate a depressed, apathetic state of a person. But in order to determine what state actually prevails in our interlocutor at the moment, this factor alone is not enough, since for some people, due to the characteristics of their temperament, fast or slow pace speech is everyday. If the victim’s speech is very fast, we can gradually, by slowing down our pace, somewhat reduce the opponent’s nervousness and internal tension.
Breathing connection. By “joining” the interlocutor’s breathing, on the one hand, it is much easier to talk at the same pace with the interlocutor (since the rate of speech depends on breathing), and on the other hand, it becomes possible to change his emotional state by changing both the pace and his breathing. For example, an angry friend barges in on you because of the service at a local restaurant. His speech is fast, his breathing is rapid. And in this situation, it is necessary to join him both emotionally and in terms of breathing frequency, and conduct a dialogue with him. In this case, the interlocutor will feel that you hear him and understand his feelings. After you understand that an interaction has occurred, you need to reduce your breathing rate and reduce the emotional background of your speech. After a while, you will see that your interlocutor is talking to you in the same way.
Reflection of feelings, empathy. The concept of “empathy” means a person’s ability to experience the emotions that arise in another person in the process of communicating with him. This is the ability to imagine yourself in the place of another and understand his feelings, desires, ideas and actions.
To establish effective interaction, it is necessary to use the technique of “reflecting feelings”, and then the conversation becomes more sincere, a feeling of understanding and empathy is created, and the interlocutor has a desire to continue contact. The “reflection of feelings” technique includes two components:
Reflection of the interlocutor's feelings. When you name the feelings that a person is experiencing, understand him and “get into” his feelings, your interlocutor feels a “kinship of souls”, begins to trust you more and communication moves to a qualitatively new level.
Reflection of your feelings. Talking about your feelings can solve several problems at once. Firstly, negative feelings and experiences can be significantly reduced by the very fact that these feelings are voiced. Secondly, the conversation itself becomes more sincere. And thirdly, it encourages the interlocutor to openly express his feelings.
During the listening process, it is important not to forget about the vocal characteristics of a person experiencing a state of anxiety or nervous tension during a conversation. Such characteristics could be:
Frequent coughing can tell us about deceit, self-doubt, and anxiety. But we must not forget that coughing can be the result of respiratory diseases, for example, bronchitis;
Sudden laughter that is inappropriate for the moment can characterize tension and lack of control over what is happening.
All these features, of course, must be taken into account in a conversation, but do not forget that each person and his reaction is individual and does not always mean the same thing.
There are some indicators that are decisive for the success of using this method in a conversation:
1. Progress in solving the interlocutor’s problem.
A person, speaking out, begins to see possible ways out of a problematic situation.
2. Visible decrease in the intensity of negative experiences.
The rule here is that grief shared with someone becomes twice as easy, and joy becomes twice as great. If a person begins to talk more about himself or about an issue that interests him, this is another indicator of the effectiveness of active listening.
Thus, these techniques help not only in communicating with loved ones, but also when working in emergencies (both with victims and with colleagues).
Leading modalities
Different people describe the same situations differently. This is due to the fact that the world looks different to us. Each of us is characterized by the perception of the situation through different so-called “channels”. These “channels” are usually called “leading modalities”. Modality is the predominant system of human perception of the surrounding world. There are three main modalities: auditory, visual and kinesthetic. Knowledge about modalities and the ability to determine the leading modality of a particular person is necessary to more effectively and quickly establish contact with him.
Types of modalities
The auditory modality is characterized by the perception of the world through auditory sensations, that is, a person is mainly guided by what he heard.
For the visual, the main thing is vision, what a person sees.
With the leading kinesthetic modality, a person perceives the world through the prism of bodily sensations.
In life, it is very rare to meet a “pure” visual, kinesthetic or auditory learner. More often there are people with mixed types of modalities, but there is always a leading modality. It may well be that in some situation another modality may temporarily replace the leading one and become the main one. But in most situations, it is through the leading modality that a person perceives the world.
You can determine the predominant modality of a person using the speech of the interlocutor, in his words, how and what he says. People present the same information in different ways. It is necessary to pay attention to the words a person uses. This will allow you in further communication (having already determined the leading modality) to speak with the person “in the same language,” which will help your interlocutor to “receive” information from you faster. As a result, the actions of your interlocutor will be more productive (especially important when communicating between a manager and a subordinate; when providing support and assistance to someone).
Determining which leading modality a person has is useful not only for working with emergency victims, but also in Everyday life, communicating with your friends and colleagues, as well as to better establish contact with people you barely know.
There are certain techniques and techniques for active listening, methods. Let's look at examples of how it manifests itself, and use exercises to show how to develop it.
People can rarely hear each other. Unfortunately, the inability to listen to the interlocutor leads to the fact that people do not understand each other, do not find solutions to problematic situations, disagree and remain with their grievances. This is why active listening becomes important when a person understands what the other person is saying to him.
You need to be able not only to speak, but also to listen. Success comes to people who know how to hear what is being said to them. As they say, “silence is golden.” But if at the same time a person is included in the understanding of the interlocutor’s words, then his silence turns into a priceless jewel.
When talking about active listening, it is difficult to convey its full meaning. What it is? Active listening is the perception of someone else's speech, in which there is direct and indirect interaction between the participants in the process. A person seems to be involved in the conversation process, he hears and understands the meaning of the speaker’s words, perceives his speech.
To understand another person, you first need to hear him. How can you communicate and not hear the other person? Many people think this is absurd. In fact, most people's communication is superficial and one-sided. While the interlocutor is saying something, his opponent is thinking about his own thoughts, listening to his feelings that arise in response to the words of the speaker.
If you remember, many will note that at the moment when they hear some unpleasant word, everything that is said after it remains unheard. Having heard a word that is meaningful to him, a person focuses his attention on it. He gets emotional, while thinking about what to say to his interlocutor. You may not even notice that the conversation has already gone in a different direction.
Listening is called active only because a person does not focus solely on his own experiences and emotions, but perceives the speech that is said by the interlocutor.
Active listening helps:
In general, active listening helps to establish contact with the interlocutor and obtain the necessary information from him.
If you are interested in active listening techniques, then you should read Gippenreiter’s book “The Miracles of Active Listening,” where he notes the critical role of this phenomenon. If people want to establish effective contacts with loved ones and people around them, then they should be able not only to speak, but also to listen.
When a person is interested in the topic of a conversation, he usually becomes involved in it. He leans or turns towards the interlocutor to better understand him. This is one of the techniques of active listening, when a person is interested in hearing and understanding information.
Other factors that influence effective active listening are:
Active listening techniques:
Through active listening, a person empathizes and clarifies information for himself, clarifies and asks questions, and moves the conversation to the desired topic. It greatly increases the sense of self-worth if a person is proficient in communication techniques.
Eye contact reveals a lot about what a person is interested in:
- Contact at eye level indicates that the person is interested in the interlocutor and the information he gives out.
- Looking at the interlocutor speaks more about interest in the personality of the speaker than about the information he gives out.
- A look at surrounding objects indicates that the person is not interested in either the information or the interlocutor himself.
Active listening includes head nods and affirmative exclamations (“Yes,” “I understand,” etc.). It is not recommended to finish a person’s sentences, even if you understand him. Allow him to fully and independently express his thoughts.
An important element of active listening is asking questions. If you ask questions, it means you are listening. Answers help you clarify information, help the other person clarify it, or move on to the desired topic.
You should notice a person's emotions. If you say that you notice what emotions he experiences, it means that he is imbued with trust in you.
Let's look at active listening techniques:
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Speaking about active listening techniques, we're talking about about understanding the speaker’s words more than they convey. This is the so-called penetration inner world speaker, understanding his feelings, emotions and motives.
In everyday life this method called empathy, which manifests itself on three levels:
Some people are born with an innate tendency to empathy, others are forced to learn it. This is possible through I-statements and active listening techniques.
To penetrate the inner world of your interlocutor, Carl Rogers offers the following techniques:
We are talking about empathic listening, when a person not only listens to what is said to him, but also perceives hidden information and participates in a monologue in simple phrases, expresses appropriate emotions, paraphrases the words of the interlocutor and directs them in the right direction.
Empathic listening involves remaining silent and allowing the other person to talk. A person must distance himself from his own thoughts, emotions and desires. He completely focuses on the interests of the interlocutor. Here you should not express your opinion or evaluate information. To a greater extent, we are talking about empathy, support, sympathy.
Active listening techniques are discussed at psytheater.com:
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Active listening can be used anywhere two people meet. To a greater extent, it plays an important role in the sphere of work and relationships. A striking example would be sales, when the seller listens carefully to what the buyer needs and offers possible options, expands the range.
Active listening in sales, as in other areas of life, is necessary to allow a person to trust and talk about his problems. When making contact, people have certain motives that are often unspoken. To help a person open up, you need to establish contact with him.
Another example of active listening is communicating with a child. He should be understood, his experiences should be recognized, the problems with which he came should be clarified. Often active listening is useful for encouraging a child to take action when he not only complains, but also receives helpful advice, what can be done next.
Active listening is used in all types of relationships where the element of trust and cooperation becomes important. Between friends, between relatives, between business partners and other categories of people, active listening is effective.
Active listening should be developed in yourself. This becomes possible with the following exercise:
At the end of the exercise, the results are summed up: which role was the most difficult, what were the mistakes of the participants, what should have been done, etc. This exercise not only allows you to rehearse active listening skills, but also to see the barriers of communication between people, to see them in real life.
People contact each other through communication. Speech is one of the ways to build relationships and connections. Active listening is a method of successfully establishing contacts between people who are interested in it. The result of its application can please and surprise many people.
The culture of modern communication is quite low. People talk a lot, often without listening to their interlocutors. When silence occurs, most often people are immersed in their own thoughts. And when a conversation arises, people try to interpret what they hear in their own way. All this leads to misunderstanding and incorrect decision-making based on the results.
Developing active listening eliminates all communication problems. Establishing friendly contacts is the initial advantage of this technique.
Man is a social being. In the course of our lives we constantly interact with big amount of people. Career growth depends on the quality of this communication. family well-being and the material wealth of the individual. It seems that there is nothing easier to communicate with other people, to receive in the process necessary information and apply it in certain situations. However, as practice shows, many people are born with difficulty communicating at any level. In the future, this leads to serious problems and significantly reduces the quality of life.
Therefore, in psychology, active listening techniques have been developed that make it possible to establish relationships not only between two individuals, but also within an entire social group. IN Lately These methods and techniques are in great demand in the age high technology Not everyone has the gift of understanding the interlocutor, and therefore turns to specialists for help. In today's article we will talk about the methods, techniques and techniques of active listening, which many people successfully use in their lives, noting their unprecedented effectiveness.
The concept of active listening is quite simple and complex at the same time. It implies a special communication skill that involves the semantic perception of the interlocutor’s speech.
This technique shows that all participants are interested in the conversation, makes it possible to correctly evaluate the words and presentation of the speaker, direct the conversation in the right direction and leave only the most pleasant impressions about yourself.
In addition, the process of active listening is always aimed at creating an atmosphere of trust and a desire to better understand and also accept the position of your interlocutor. This technique is actively used during the provision of psychological assistance. After all, a specialist, in order to help his client, must fully enter into his position and experience the same range of emotions.
Many psychologists claim that thanks to the techniques of active listening, you can quickly improve relationships between parents and children, as well as resolve intra-family conflicts that have long tormented the couple. Some virtuosos use this technique at work, and say that it is extremely effective.
The Soviet public learned about active listening from Yulia Gippenreiter, a successful practicing psychologist specializing in family problems. It was she who drew attention to the fact that understanding, perception and attention are important for resolving many intra-family conflicts.
Based on her practice, she developed active listening techniques that are still used today. With their help, you can relieve tension in relationships in a few minutes and create a special atmosphere of trust that is conducive to conversation. During the conversation, it is enough to use several methods and techniques to understand all the emotional experiences of your interlocutor and become closer to him.
But emotional intimacy is the foundation on which you can build a strong family and become not just an authoritative parent for your child, but first of all a friend. Therefore, it can be argued that the methods and techniques of active listening will be useful to every person, without exception.
What is the purpose of listening to your interlocutor? This question cannot always be answered unambiguously. But psychologists say that the goal should always be information. The listener tries to extract as much information as possible from the conversation in order to correctly evaluate it and come to certain conclusions. However, the result of a conversation does not always depend on the eloquence of the speaker; the ability to listen is a rare gift that can bring invaluable benefits to its owner.
Psychologists can always distinguish an active listener from any other. They argue that an interested person always listens as if with his whole body. He is turned to face the interlocutor, maintains visual contact with him, often the body is tilted towards the speaker. All this is certain conditions for active listening, because at the non-verbal level our brain perceives all these actions as readiness to talk. The person relaxes and is ready to convey to us exactly what worries him. This is where active listening techniques come in handy; there are three of them:
The “echo” technique is used very often in the active listening technique. It consists of repeating the last words of the interlocutor, but with a questioning intonation. It implies clarification. It's as if you're trying to figure out whether you've understood your opponent correctly. He, in turn, feels his importance and your interest in the information presented.
Paraphrasing is also necessary for clarification. You retell the essence of what was said in your own words, wondering whether your interlocutor meant it. This technique prevents misunderstandings from occurring in a conversation. Each of the speakers will know for sure that the information was conveyed and understood correctly.
Interpretation also serves to increase the level of trust and understanding between two interlocutors. After the information has been voiced, the listener can retell it in his own words and make an assumption about the meaning that the speaker intended in it. Thus, they are leveled possible conflicts, and the importance of the conversation increases significantly.
I would like to note that for all its apparent simplicity, active listening is a rather complex system that requires careful study. It is a multi-level structure consisting of several elements.
The most important of them is unconditional acceptance of the interlocutor. This is the only way to improve relationships with loved ones. By nature, humans are more inclined to talk rather than listen. Against this background, everyone who knows how to listen and hear looks more advantageous and has every chance of success. Unconditional acceptance can be thought of as being deeply interested in another person who feels valued and becomes more open. Acceptance is often expressed in numerous questions asked of the interlocutor. They allow you to learn a lot of new information and show how important the speaker is to you.
Another element of active listening is nonverbal cues. Periodically nodding your head, shaking it, moving closer to your interlocutor - all this makes him feel your interest in the conversation. Sometimes you can insert interjections to make it clear that you are still listening carefully to the person and understand everything he wants to tell you.
It is also impossible to imagine active listening without insight into the emotional state of your partner. Empathy expressed in in simple words, increases the level of understanding between interlocutors. However, you should not overuse phrases. It is enough to simply support a person, showing that you completely share his emotions in a particular situation.
Verbal feedback is no less important in communication. Thanks to leading questions, you will receive confirmation that you understand your partner correctly. There will be no doubt about sincerity between you. In addition, the interlocutor will be sure that he is treated without prejudice. Don't hesitate to contact your partner for clarification. However, never continue his thoughts, even when it seems to you that you know exactly what will be discussed. The development of thought should proceed smoothly and it is necessary for the one who started it to finish it. In this case, you show your respect, interest and acceptance of the interlocutor.
Some psychologists equate active listening and empathy. Despite the differences in these concepts, there is quite a lot in common between them. After all, without the ability to empathize, read and feel other people’s emotions, it is impossible to find mutual understanding and learn not only to listen, but also to hear a person. This gives him a feeling of importance and increases self-esteem. Therefore, do not forget about the basic principles of active perception:
Remember that you can understand the speaker only when you feel his emotional background, but concentrate on the words spoken. If you allow yourself to become completely immersed in someone else's emotions, you will likely miss the point of the conversation.
Most psychologists advise anyone who strives to gain new contacts and wants to be successful in all social groups to master the techniques of active perception of information. In addition, this will help you better understand your other half and children.
Active listening techniques include:
Mastery of all seven techniques greatly simplifies a person’s life, because he will be able to establish contact with any interlocutor. Such skills are highly valued in modern world. Therefore, in further sections of the article we will go through each item in the above list in detail.
People often underestimate the capabilities of this technique. But it gives the speaker the opportunity to collect his thoughts, consider the information and continue the conversation with new details. Indeed, sometimes after taking an active listening “pause” the interlocutor opens up even more fully.
For the listener, forced short silence is also useful. It allows you to step away a little from the emotions of your verbal partner and completely focus on his words.
An ordinary conversation involves a lot of omissions, omissions and understatements. They are thought up by both sides in an arbitrary order, but with active perception this cannot be allowed. After all, the main goal is to extract the truthful and maximum complete information on the topic of conversation, as well as establishing contact with a partner.
Therefore, clarification performs two functions at once:
This maintains mutual understanding and trust between interlocutors.
Sometimes the speaker becomes so immersed in his emotions that he gradually loses the thread of the conversation. The “thought development” technique consists of unobtrusively directing the conversation in the right direction. The listener repeats the previously expressed thought, and his interlocutor returns to it and develops it.
This technique can be called a kind of feedback. After big block After expressing thoughts and voiced emotions, the listener briefly retells everything he heard. The speaker emphasizes the most important thing, which in some cases becomes an intermediate result of the conversation.
Often, retelling becomes an indicator of understanding between the interlocutors and the listener’s interest in the ongoing conversation.
This technique is good for communication between spouses or parents and children. As a result of the conversation or during its process, the listener reports the impression that the verbal partner and the conversation itself made on him.
At the moment of communication, the listener can talk about his emotional reaction to certain words of the interlocutor. It can be positive or negative. However, in any case, the reaction should be communicated in a calm and friendly tone.
At the conclusion of the conversation, the listener sums up certain results that give a certain coloring and meaning to the conversation. The speaker can confirm or refute these conclusions.
Where can you apply the acquired knowledge in practice? Believe me, you will definitely use them, for example, in communicating with children. The conversation will always be effective if you can adhere to some rules of active listening:
In any personal interaction, the techniques and techniques we described earlier can be expressed in correctly constructed phrases. For example, the following options can be given:
It is impossible to imagine the sales field without the use of active listening techniques. They are especially relevant in the process of communication between the client and the manager.
Psychologists believe that the ability to hear an interlocutor and ask him the right questions can work real miracles. Try active listening in practice and perhaps your life will become a little different.
Create rapport - a comfortable and safe environment for the interlocutor for communication and mutual understanding
Active Listening Technique“Joining” implies that you don’t immediately agree, but don’t argue either. Use neutral words. Try to reproduce the intonation, gestures, posture, and themes of speech of your interlocutor
Show empathy. Show that you understand the other person's feelings. Recognize the importance and express respect for the opinion of the interlocutor.
Using the active listening technique “Empathy” is to grasp the emotion of the interlocutor. Ask questions that enhance or extinguish it. Acknowledge the significance of the other person's problems and feelings. Express your appreciation for his efforts and actions.
You must be very pleased...?
I see that you are upset...?
I think this information has interested you...
It looks like you were pleased with this news...
I appreciate your willingness to resolve this issue.
Demonstrate attention and respect to the interlocutor’s words. Draw his attention to what was important to you. Help the speaker see other aspects by hearing himself from the outside.
Repeat the most significant phrases of the interlocutor for you. Speak the other person's language. Just repeat the last few words the other person said.
And returning to your words about what.
You just mentioned that.
- “….5 branches and 700 employees.”
When using the “Summation” active listening technique, focus on key points. Bring the conversation to a constructive conclusion.
Briefly list important facts, which became clear during the conversation. Structure and summarize the agreements reached.
So that we can summarize the results, I will list the important points of our agreements. So, we found out that 1. . 2. . 3
Active listening technique “Summarizing” - bring together important facts and ideas. Show that you have jointly made progress in the negotiations. Create a basis for further discussion.
Restate the main ideas and agreements reached. Summarize. Enter sentences based on summation. Draw conclusions (remember, if you haven’t made conclusions, they will be drawn for you!)
So, to summarize our meeting, I propose to agree.
You and I can agree that in 2 days we will hold a meeting with the same team and discuss in detail. We are preparing for the meeting. and I kindly ask you to send information on tomorrow by the end of the day.
Go to the beginning page of the article about active listening in sales active listening in sales
Probably, everyone has had situations in their life when you told a person about something important, meaningful to you, and realized that they did not hear you, did not listen. Why? A person sits opposite you, looks at you, and you get the impression that he seems to be “not here.” Remember your state, your feelings at the same time. Most likely, you lost all desire not only to share something with him, but also to talk at all. And a state of depression and discomfort arose in my soul. This happens because we don't always know how to listen. What then is listening actually and why is it necessary at all?
Listening is a process during which invisible connections are established between people, a feeling of mutual understanding arises, making the communication process more effective.
Listening can be passive or active.
When listening passively, it is difficult for us to understand whether the interlocutor perceives our speech. At the same time, there are no facial or physical reactions to the information received. It seems that the interlocutor is only looking at us, but thinking about his own things. Feeling of not being included in the process.
Active listening helps you understand, evaluate and remember information received from your interlocutor. In addition, the use of active listening techniques can encourage the interlocutor to respond, direct the conversation in the right direction and contribute to a better understanding and correct interpretation of the information received from the interlocutor during your communication. This is especially important when negotiating and communicating with victims in an emergency zone.
According to one very common myth, listening is a skill that, like breathing, a person receives at birth and then uses throughout his life. This is wrong. Active listening can be learned, and listening turns out to be a more useful skill than speaking eloquently and persuading. If you skillfully ask questions, but do not know how to listen to the answers, then the price of such communication is small.
CONCLUSION: thus, we can say with confidence that the ability to hear and be heard is important not only in our everyday life, but also directly in our work. For example, in the shortest possible time of dialogue with the victim, collect the most significant information for us (including information about the whereabouts of other victims). And this skill needs to be developed.
The listening process itself is of two types: passive and active. When listening passively, it is difficult for your interlocutor to understand whether you hear him or not, since this type involves dim, meager emotions, which means little involvement in the communication process. The method of active listening appeared as a communication technology as a result of an analysis of the behavior of people who have the ability to extract from their interlocutor during a conversation desired results. For example, in order to correctly understand the information told to you, quickly isolate from the conversation what you need, and also be able to be a grateful listener with whom you want to communicate. These skills are especially important when working with victims. Any information coming from the victim can significantly reduce the time spent searching for others (in the case of working with an eyewitness to the incident), as well as understand the experiences, anxieties and fears of the person with subsequent prediction of the dynamics of his condition ( possible appearance acute stress reactions, or a high probability of the formation of an active crowd).
There are several active listening techniques that can help you demonstrate interest and inclusion in your conversation with the victim.
Active listening is a process during which the listener not only perceives information from the interlocutor, but also actively shows understanding of this information. Sometimes you can also call these types of active listening.
Active listening techniques in the table
Active Listening Technique
“If I understand you correctly, then...”
“to summarize what has been said, then...”
This is the simplest active listening technique. Anyone uses it almost intuitively. During a conversation, it is recommended to periodically nod your head, say “yes,” “uh-huh,” “uh-huh,” etc. By doing this, you let your interlocutor know that you are listening to him and are interested in him. For example, when you are talking about something on the phone, the use of such techniques by the interlocutor lets you know that you are being listened to. Silence throughout the entire story would make you doubt your partner’s interest in your information.
It is necessary in a conversation in order to help the interlocutor speak out to the end. Firstly, a person often needs time to formulate his thoughts and feelings, and secondly, pauses free the conversation from unnecessary and unnecessary information. For example, when telling a story, a person most likely imagines it. And, in order to transfer a figurative representation into a verbal story, it is necessary to select the right words. And pauses here are a necessary means of “transforming” an image into a word.
There are two types of questions: closed and open.
Closed questions are appropriate not when you want to get as much information as possible from your interlocutor, but when you need to speed up obtaining consent or confirmation of a previously reached agreement, confirm or refute your assumptions. Questions of this type require “yes” or “no” answers. For example, you can give the following questions: “Have you eaten today?”, “Are you healthy?”, “Have you been here long?” “Were you alone?” and so on.
Open-ended questions are characterized by the fact that they cannot be answered with a “yes” or “no.” They require some kind of explanation. They usually start with the words: “what”, “who”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what is your opinion”. With this type of question, you allow the interlocutor to maneuver, and the conversation to move from monologue to dialogue. These types of questions might include: “What did you eat today?”, “How are you feeling?”, “How long have you been here?”
This is a formulation of the same thought, but in different words. Paraphrasing allows the speaker to see that he is being understood correctly. And if not, he has the opportunity to make adjustments in time. When paraphrasing, focus on the meaning and content of the message, and not on the emotions that accompany it.
Paraphrasing can begin with the following phrases:
– “If I understand you correctly, then...”;
– “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re saying that...”;
– “In other words, you think that...”;
This technique is appropriate when the speaker has logically completed one of the fragments of the story and is gathering his thoughts to continue. You should not interrupt him until the fragment of the story is completed.
For example, your interlocutor says that one day he came home tired, put down his briefcase and took off his shoes, and when he walked into the room, he saw a pot of flowers there, broken and lying on the floor, and his beloved cat was sitting next to him, but he I decided not to punish her, although I was very upset. In this case, the paraphrasing technique can be used like this: if I understand you correctly, then when you came home, you saw a broken pot of flowers and your cat next to it. But, despite the fact that you were upset by what you saw, you decided not to punish your pet.
This technique summarizes the main ideas and feelings. This is, as it were, a conclusion from everything that has already been said by man. A summary phrase represents the interlocutor’s speech in a “collapsed” form. This technique of active listening is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which, as you remember, is to repeat the opponent’s thoughts, but in your own words (which shows the interlocutor our attention and understanding). When summarizing, from an entire part of a conversation, only the main idea is highlighted, for which phrases such as:
– “Your main idea, as I understand it, is that...”;
- “If I sum up what has been said, then...”
For example, your boss told you that “due to the fact that relations with colleagues from Italy have become tense and may threaten conflict, you need to go on a business trip for negotiations, establish relations with them and try to conclude a contract.” Here the summing up technique would sound like this: “to summarize what has been said, you are asking me to go to Italy in order to establish contact with colleagues and conclude an agreement with them.”
The group is divided into threes. The first person in the trio tells the story, the second listens using active listening techniques, the third observes and gives feedback on how it looked from the outside. At the end of the work, each of the three parties shares their feelings. After all triplets have completed the exercise, a group discussion is held.
– Was it difficult to listen? Why? What was stopping you?
– Was it easy, was it pleasant to tell?
– What techniques did you use to show the speaker that you were listening and understanding him?
Which technique was particularly difficult for you?
– Did the speaker feel “heard”?
Rapport involves “joining” a person through certain “channels”: intonation, rate of speech and breathing.
The same words, pronounced with different intonations, can convey different meanings, even opposite ones. Even the simplest word “yes”, with different intonations, can carry a denial. Intonation is capable of conveying deep emotions (sadness, pity, tender feelings, etc.) and various states (indifference, curiosity, peace, anger, anxiety, etc.). Therefore, in order to be understood correctly, it is very important to monitor your own intonation.
For example, the phrase “I'm glad to see you” can have different meanings with different intonations. In one case, we understand that the person is sincerely glad to see us, and in the other, that this phrase was said only out of politeness.
When communicating with the victim, joining by intonation sometimes gives a colossal result, as if identifying him and you, creating the impression of kinship, similarity, understanding of the victim’s condition, which greatly facilitates further interaction with him.
Pace includes the speed of speech in general, the duration of individual words and pauses.
Speech that is too fast may indicate excitement and high internal tension, even some kind of nervousness. Too slow and sluggish speech may indicate a depressed, apathetic state of a person. But in order to determine what state actually prevails in our interlocutor at the moment, this factor alone is not enough, since for some people, due to their temperamental characteristics, a fast or slow pace of speech is everyday. If the victim’s speech is very fast, we can gradually, by slowing down our pace, somewhat reduce the opponent’s nervousness and internal tension.
By “joining” the interlocutor’s breathing, on the one hand, it is much easier to talk at the same pace with the interlocutor (since the rate of speech depends on breathing), and on the other hand, it becomes possible to change his emotional state by changing both the pace and his breathing. For example, an angry friend bursts into your room, outraged by something. His speech is fast, his breathing is rapid. And in this situation, in order to have the feeling that you hear the person and understand his feelings, it is necessary to join him both emotionally and in the frequency of breathing, and conduct a dialogue with him. After you understand that an interaction has occurred, you need to reduce your breathing rate and reduce the emotional background of your speech. After a while, you will see that your interlocutor is talking to you in the same way.
The concept of “empathy” means a person’s ability to experience the emotions that arise in another person in the process of communicating with him. This is the ability to imagine yourself in the place of another and understand his feelings, desires, ideas and actions.
To establish effective interaction, it is necessary to use the technique of “reflecting feelings”, and then the conversation becomes more sincere, a feeling of understanding and empathy is created, and the interlocutor has a desire to continue contact. The technique of “reflecting feelings” includes two directions:
When you name the feelings that a person is experiencing, understand him and “get into” his feelings, your interlocutor feels a “kinship of souls”, begins to trust you more and communication moves to a qualitatively new level.
Talking about your feelings can solve several problems at once. Firstly, negative feelings and experiences can be significantly reduced by the very fact that these feelings are voiced. Secondly, the conversation itself becomes more sincere. And thirdly, it encourages the interlocutor to openly express his feelings.
During the listening process, it is important not to forget about the vocal characteristics of a person experiencing a state of anxiety or nervous tension during a conversation.
Such characteristics could be:
All these features, of course, must be taken into account in a conversation, but do not forget that each person and his reaction is individual and does not always mean the same thing.
– Remember whether there were such cases in your experience where your interpretation of the human condition, based on external signs, was wrong?
– How could you take such external manifestations into account in your work?
Like any other method, active listening has its pitfalls, the so-called common mistakes.
Let's look at some of them:
The first can be dangerous because a person’s psychological defense mechanisms may “work” after listening to your advice.
Resulting in:
Asking a lot of clarifying questions is also not recommended for the following reasons:
How can you tell if the active listening method has helped you at work?
There are some indicators that are decisive for the success of using this method in a conversation:
A person, speaking out, begins to see possible ways out of a problematic situation.
The rule here is that grief shared with someone becomes twice as easy, and joy becomes twice as great. If a person begins to talk more about himself or about an issue that interests him, this is another indicator of the effectiveness of active listening.
Conversation support using short audio clips or phrases (yes..., uh-huh.... etc.)
During the process, we reflect the content of the client’s story and his feelings.
The presentation is available by clicking the DOWNLOAD button
Good afternoon dear friends. Today we will talk about such an important skill for a seller (and not only for a seller) - the ability to listen and hear the client. In psychology, this technique is called “active listening.”
Surely you have at least once found yourself in a situation where you were telling something, and the interlocutor (mother, girlfriend, husband, sister) was thinking about something of his own, not paying any attention to your words. Of course, the desire to share something important with this person disappears, if not forever, then for a long time. Surely your interlocutor was unfamiliar with the rules of active listening.
Let's look at how to listen to your interlocutor correctly.
Create for your interlocutor comfortable conditions so that he feels that you are interested in the conversation (turn off the phone, choose a place where you will not be disturbed, get rid of extraneous noise if possible). Agree, for a conversation to succeed, you need to be able to concentrate, concentrate, without being distracted by extraneous stimuli. If the phone on your desk rings every minute and you are distracted by conversations, normal communication will not work.
Take an active open pose. It promotes communication and promotes mental focus (a relaxed body relaxes the brain, so avoid soft chairs and sofas). Do not cross your arms and legs when communicating, do not make vertical movements with your arms, do not move your body away from the interlocutor, do not put your hands behind your head or lean back in your seat, do not put your feet up on a table or other surfaces.
Do not sit opposite the interlocutor, it is better to sit next to him at a distance of about a meter, slightly tilt your torso towards him. There should be no obstacles between you, such as a desk. The legs should stand straight, the entire sole is on the floor, the knees can be slightly apart (no more than 10 centimeters, this applies not only to women, but also to men). Your hands should rest freely on the table or on your lap, as is comfortable for you, but not in a lock.
Confirm with gestures and facial expressions that you hear and understand the interlocutor. These can be nods, short words such as “yes”, “yeah”, “I understand”. You can also repeat the last words of your interlocutor, repeat the meaning, paraphrase (retell his thought in your own words, shifting the meaning in your favor).
Focus all your attention on the interlocutor, maintain eye contact with him (but do not be intrusive, do not look too closely, straight into the eyes, as this can be taken as a sign of hostility and will definitely scare the interlocutor). Let your eyes be at the same level as the other person's. If you look around during a conversation, most likely your attention will soon wander and you will lose the thread of the conversation.
Do not be distracted by extraneous matters during a conversation, avoid uncontrollable irritating actions (studying documents, tapping on the table with your fingers or a pen, rustling paper, absent-mindedly drawing in a notebook, twirling your hair on your finger). Sometimes the situation develops in such a way that you need to find an invoice or sign a document. Put aside “side-by-side” things – they can be done after the conversation is over. Any extraneous actions not related to the conversation distract from the conversation, a loss of concentration occurs, which, of course, negatively affects the course of the conversation.
Show your interlocutor that you are listening with pleasure and interest. Your postures and gestures should indicate your interest in the conversation. Encourage your interlocutor to tell everything from beginning to end in detail (for this you need to listen very carefully and interestedly).
You must listen and hear your interlocutor. Be silent when your interlocutor speaks - you cannot listen and hear him if you speak yourself. Focus on his words, do not allow yourself to think about anything else at this time. Try to understand the other person's point of view.
Do not interrogate with bias. Build sentences in the affirmative form. Pause periodically and give the other person time to think.
Understand the logic of the interlocutor’s story, remember the main ideas (it is unlikely that you will be able to remember everything, and this is not necessary). If you don't rely on your memory, you can make notes in a notepad. You should not take notes - the interlocutor may become withdrawn and you will receive less information.
Try to understand not only the words, but also the feelings of the interlocutor, putting yourself in his place. Usually people express feelings and convey thoughts in generally accepted phrases, in accordance with social norms. Try to decipher their meaning. Don't be afraid to make incorrect assumptions about how the other person is feeling. If something is wrong, the other person will correct you.
Develop observation skills, monitor not only the verbal, but also the emotional signals of your interlocutor. This is important because most of the interaction between people is based on emotions.
Remember that both you and your interlocutor are mutually responsible for your communication. Show the other person that you are truly listening and understanding. This can be done using clarifying questions, active emotions and other methods appropriate in each case. Agree, how will your interlocutor know that you understand him if you yourself do not show him this through your actions?
Be patient, do not interrupt the speaker, do not rush him. Plan the meeting so that you have enough time for a full conversation, without rush or time pressure. React calmly to everything the other person says. Do not allow yourself personal assessments and comments on what was said.
Control your emotions (especially negative emotions). An irritated person often interprets the words of the interlocutor incorrectly and reacts to them excessively emotionally, and preoccupation and emotional arousal interfere with listening and hearing the interlocutor. If his words or actions affect your feelings, tell him so tactfully, clarify the situation, and the conversation will return to business.
Behave correctly - do not criticize, do not evaluate, do not argue. Try to respond approvingly to the words of your interlocutor - this will help him express his thoughts more accurately. On the contrary, any negative reaction on your part will cause a defensive reaction, a feeling of uncertainty, wariness, and the interlocutor will “close down.” It will not be easy to regain trust and “talk” him again. If you understand that the interlocutor is not in the mood for conversations and frankness, then leave him alone.
Try to understand the goals of your interlocutor. For example, he may want to get a discount or installment payment from you, more profitable terms deliveries, change your mind on a certain issue, or persuade you to take a certain action. IN in this case, action on your part will be the best answer to your interlocutor.
Identify your bad communication habits and break them. Bad habits make active listening difficult. Try to identify your habits, mistakes, strengths and weak sides. To make it easier for you to analyze your actions and identify mistakes, answer these questions:
Knowing your habits, especially negative ones, is the first step to correcting them and improving yourself.
Open questions allow you to get the maximum possible amount of information from your interlocutor, as they imply a detailed answer (read more about open questions in this article), and also show interest in the conversation:
Clarification. You ask the interlocutor to clarify certain points of his statements if you doubt that you understood them correctly, in order to receive detailed information on certain issues, to express interest):
Paraphrasing can be used to make sure that you correctly understood the interlocutor, to obtain detailed information on certain issues, to show interest, attention, and respect for the interlocutor’s words. To do this, briefly convey the meaning of what the interlocutor said in your own words, but not word for word, so that he continues the explanation:
Logical consequence – derivation of a logical consequence from the interlocutor’s statements, further development the meaning expressed by him (when repeating, it is important to speak with a positive emotional attitude):
Compassion (empathy) is joining the interlocutor on his emotional (empathic) level to create a trusting relationship with him through the most accurate reflection of his feelings, emotions and experiences, showing sympathy, recognizing the importance of the interlocutor and expressing respect for his opinion. Recognize the importance of the other person’s feelings for you, express gratitude for his efforts and actions, ask questions that enhance or dampen the emotion:
Mirroring allows you to demonstrate attention and respect for the words of your interlocutor, draw his attention to what was important to you, give him the opportunity to hear himself from the outside and help him see other aspects of the conversation. Repeat the most significant words of the interlocutor for you or repeat his last few words (be sure to speak in the interlocutor’s language):
“Echo” (quotation) is a verbatim repetition by the seller of the main thoughts expressed by the interlocutor. This technique forces the interlocutor to clearly formulate his thoughts, helps clarify the essence of the problem and creates a feeling increased attention from the interlocutor's side.
Customer (in a toy store): “Do you have anything suitable for a girl?”
Seller: “For a girl?”
Client: “Yes, my daughter is 6 years old.”
Seller (thinks): “Six years...”
Client: “She dreams of having a big doll house.”
Seller: “A doll’s house! Well, of course, right now we have a magnificent doll house with furniture just for your daughter. She will be delighted!”
Summarizing will help focus on the main points and bring the conversation to a logical conclusion. To do this, it is necessary to briefly list the important facts that were voiced during the conversation and to structure the agreements reached.
Summing up (summarizing) is a repetition of all important ideas in a condensed, generalized form. Show your interlocutor that together you have made progress in the negotiations and created the basis for further cooperation. Re-formulate and voice the main ideas and agreements reached during the negotiations, summarize and draw conclusions. In this case, you can use the following introductory forms:
Use these simple active listening techniques to make your work with clients more effective.
Active listening method October 6th, 2016
This is what my interlocutors say I lack. I’ll try to figure this out, although all these “newfangled things” periodically seem redundant and out of place to me. But still, maybe this is really what is needed. So...
Active listening involves the interaction of all participants in the conversation, that is, not only the speaker, but also the listener. This technique allows not only to fully assimilate the information received, but also prevents misinterpretation of what was said and mistakes during the conversation. With the help of active listening, you can direct the conversation in the necessary direction and develop it.
Here's how it's done...
The main goal of active listening is always to obtain as much comprehensive information as possible. This allows the interlocutors to resolve the conflict or prevent it prematurely, and restore order in the relationship. Active listening helps to establish deeper connections between family or team members. Truly productive conversation requires not only the ability to express oneself, but also listening skills. If a person is really interested in the process of the conversation and its effectiveness, then he tries to listen as carefully as possible in order to get all the necessary information. In this case, as a rule, eye contact is established. This is called listening with your whole body. It represents an expression of the interlocutor’s interest in the conversation, since at the same time he tries to observe exclusively the speaker, turns his whole body towards him, and focuses his attention on his face.
The technique of active listening is expressed precisely in the ability to achieve a state of unconditional acceptance, which becomes possible way some psychological maneuvers. For example, it is necessary to ask the subject questions that clarify or interest you, which will emphasize your interest in his personal opinion. Among other things, this will allow you to adjust the conversation, since the speaker will understand what exactly interests you and why. However, it is not only the clarifying question or its intonation that is important, but also the listener’s reaction to the answer. In psychology, for example, the “echo” method is quite common. It lies in the fact that, after listening to the speaker’s speech or his answer to a question, the listener repeats several words of the interlocutor, which reflect the essence of what he said. This method not only emphasizes attention to the speaker, but also allows you to clarify whether you correctly grasped the main meaning of the information provided.
In other words, the essence of the technique is to clarify information by paraphrasing what was said. At the same time, you should not try to finish the sentence for your interlocutor, even if you are absolutely sure that you fully understand his train of thought. In addition, using the active listening method requires the ability to show concern for the interlocutor and empathy. The ability to ask clarifying questions directly related to the topic of the conversation is also important, since trying to clarify something unclear in a conversation will not only make you feel more comfortable and confident in the conversation, but will also give the interlocutor confidence that he is being listened to attentively.
Mandatory principles of active listening
- Non-judgmental attitude. You maintain a neutral-positive attitude and recognize the other person's right to be different from you and have their own opinion. You are not trying to agree with him or convince him. You respect his personality and views.
- Kindness and courtesy. You remain calm and avoid categorical statements. Establish contact and look into the eyes of your interlocutor with attention and participation, and not searchingly. You encourage him to talk, but don't ask too many questions or interrupt, even if he speaks very emotionally and for a long time. Also, don’t rush him or try to fill the pauses if he becomes silent.
- Sincerity. You must truly want to listen and understand your interlocutor. If you are not interested and are resorting to the active listening technique just for the sake of it, you are better off not using it at all. It will not bring any results, you will not hit the mark when trying to unravel the reasons for your partner’s behavior or mood, and he will most likely be disappointed and the conversation will be ruined. If you are tired, not feeling well, or are not in the mood for a serious conversation, postpone the conversation or simply let the person talk, but do not replace formal politeness with real active listening. Do the same if your partner is not ready to communicate and avoids talking about their problems or feelings.
Here are some specific active listening techniques:
Technique No. 1. Open questions
By asking open-ended questions, you can get the most detailed information from the client and clarify his needs. Open questions begin with the words “what”, “how”, “why”, “which”, etc. This encourages the client to give detailed answers (as opposed to closed questions, which can only be answered with a clear answer: “yes”, “no”).
– What product characteristics are important to you?
– What do you mean when you talk about..?
– Why is this important to you?
Technique No. 2. Clarification
The name speaks for itself - this technique helps clarify whether you understood the information correctly and clarify the details of the question. You simply ask the client to clarify the points that are important to you:
– Please tell us more about...
– Could you clarify what it means for you...
– I understand you correctly, you are talking about...
Technique No. 3. Empathy
Empathy, or reflection of emotions, is establishing contact with the client on an emotional level. The reception allows you to create an atmosphere of confidential communication and show respect for the feelings of the interlocutor.
If during a conversation with a client you catch his emotions, you adapt to his emotional state and either strengthen his feelings or brighten them up, directing the flow of the conversation.
– I understand your feelings and can help you solve this problem.
- I see that you have doubts.
“It looks like this is an important event for you.”
Technique #4: Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing allows you to better understand the interlocutor’s thoughts, clarify information on certain issues, and move the conversation in the right direction. The technique consists of briefly conveying the information you heard from the client.
- In other words, you think that...
- You mean…
- So, you're talking about...
Technique No. 5. Echo
This technique consists of verbatim repetition of phrases spoken by the interlocutor. It helps to clarify information from the interlocutor and focus attention on individual details of the conversation. Thus, the client begins to formulate his thoughts more clearly, making the task of clarifying needs easier.
– Do you have diaries? yellow color?
– Are the diaries yellow? Do you need dated ones or not?
– Dated.
- They are dated!
Technique No. 6. Logical consequence
The essence of the technique is to derive a logical consequence from the client’s statements. It will be better if you use the client’s wording when constructing a phrase. Its purpose is the same as the previous one - to clarify information and highlight details. The technique can also be used as a link before moving on to the presentation.
- Based on your words, then...
– I understand you correctly, you need...
Technique No. 7. Summary
At the end of the conversation, you sum up the results and summarize the agreements. The technique allows you to summarize and clarify important issues raised in the conversation, consolidate agreements and move on to the next stage of negotiations - concluding a deal.
– Summing up the results of our meeting, we can agree on...
– So, we have found out that the following criteria are important for you...
– Summarizing what you said, we can conclude...
And now a question for you. Do you trust psychological techniques and techniques in communication, in relationships, in life? Or are these all “pseudoscientific fashionable things” that have a very small and very specific relationship to reality?
Active listening is a special technique that allows you to fully understand the well-being of your interlocutor. This technique is often used by psychotherapists during sessions, psychological counseling or group therapy. Also, active listening techniques are successfully used by managers to increase sales.
The concept of “active listening” was first introduced into use by Soviet psychologist Yulia Gippenreiter. She specialized in the psychology of perception, attention, and family psychology. Active listening techniques, in her opinion, have great importance during conversations with loved ones, in the family.
Julia Gippenreiter published the book “Miracles of Active Listening”, in which in accessible language and simple examples demonstrated the importance of the skill of listening. Using this technique can put your interlocutor at ease, relieve tension, or create a calm, trusting atmosphere. Using this unique communication technique, you can achieve closeness with your child and become not just a parent, but a friend.
The ability to listen carefully is important not only for psychotherapists and psychologists. In everyday life, this skill can not only improve relationships with others, but also learn a lot of new and interesting things. This can be explained by the fact that people are more willing to talk than to listen. This way you can stand out from the rest.
Active listening can be compared with empathy, that is, the ability to empathize and feel the emotions of the interlocutor. In this way, mutual understanding is achieved. Any person needs to feel important and significant, and genuine attention gives him this feeling.
The active listening technique has many techniques in its arsenal. However, there are several fundamental principles that apply in all cases:
During a psychotherapy session or in a simple conversation, formal politeness can never replace genuine interest. At the same time, you should not force a person to reveal his thoughts if he himself is in a bad mood.
It is important to focus more on words than emotions. After all, the ability to listen and be imbued with the feelings and mood of your interlocutor is akin to empathy. Therefore, you need to be able to not allow other people’s emotions to take over you and try not to miss the essence of what was said.
The ability to establish contact and demonstrate your full interest to your interlocutor is very important. Active listening as a technique has many techniques. You must be able to sincerely empathize with your interlocutor and “pass” everything said through yourself.
| View | Description |
|---|---|
| Pauses | Simple pauses can work wonders! They “push” the opponent to continue the monologue, give additional opportunity gather your thoughts. After this, the person can say something that he didn’t originally plan to say. |
| "Eyes to eyes" | During dialogue, it is necessary to establish eye contact. It is best to make eye contact or focus your gaze on the eye-nose triangle. Eye movements can tell us about the other person's reaction to our words or gestures. Also, visual contact contributes to the formation of a more trusting atmosphere. |
| Clarification | In some cases, clarifying what has already been said helps the interlocutor to more fully express his thoughts. This technique allows a person to hear what is said from the outside and further think about his words. Also, in everyday communication, this technique helps to avoid unnecessary “thinking out” and understatements. |
| "Retelling" | A brief but meaningful retelling allows the interlocutor to hear himself from the outside, once again evaluate what was said and, if desired, clarify or add something. At the same time, the listener tries to highlight the key points in his opinion using intonation. This is done in order to let the interlocutor understand what exactly you heard from his monologue. |
| "Echo" | This technique of active listening involves repeating the interlocutor’s last phrases, but with a questioning intonation. This way you kind of clarify the information. This method carries the following information message: “Did I understand you correctly?” |
Active listening is a process. Therefore, to implement this technique, you must follow the basic rules. With their help you can achieve better results.
You need to install 
eye contact. It is extremely important and helps to liberate the interlocutor and tune him into your wavelength. Thus, you show your interest not only in the person’s words, but also in him.
Try to show your interlocutor that you are listening to him carefully. Don't be distracted by foreign objects or look him up and down. You can nod during your speech and ask clarifying questions. However, you need to be able to maintain a balance and not overdo it with “yes.” Don't try to finish the thought for your interlocutor. This does not tune one to the same wavelength, but it is annoying.
To achieve understanding, you can paraphrase your opponent’s expressions and sincerely try to understand his feelings and experiences. The emotional aspect in some cases is much more important than the informational one. This tactic is especially necessary when talking with a child.
Active listening allows you to help your interlocutor believe in your importance. This technique is important for patients with low self-esteem, it helps to overcome certain problems and find ways to solve them.
Active listening, like any other method of psychotherapy, has its ramifications. This is what reflective listening is all about. This is a style of conversation that involves the active behavior of the interlocutors.
