In their youth, having secured maximalism and their first job, people strive to become independent by leaving their parents' home. The alluring haze of adult life becomes a stumbling block after a short period of time. Happy and carefree youth ends when bills for water and electricity appear. Monthly rent for rented apartment and a fine at work for being late are good reasons to refuse to go to night club, staying at home with a mug of tea bags.
At such moments, adolescents develop complexes of inferiority, helplessness and insolvency. In adulthood, people try to get rid of childhood fears by restoring confidence in own strength. Self-sufficiency is the task of a person who, for certain reasons, has formed a worldview that depends on others. However, in trying to achieve an intangible result, people forget to familiarize themselves with the concept of such a term in advance, finding out how to achieve their cherished goal.
To understand how to become a self-sufficient person, you first need to study the stronghold of such a phenomenon. Inner harmony and self-control, stable views on life and strong willful qualities - there are many options for demonstrating spiritual viability. However, the basics of self-sufficiency traditionally include three simple parameters:
A high-paying position in a solid job that brings you spiritual satisfaction and meets your financial needs.
A hobby or passion on which you strive to spend your free time. Your favorite activity allows you to independently create a daily schedule, increasing your level of independence from the outside world. If you were unable to see your friends, then there is always the option of an entertaining pastime.
Certain character traits and qualities without which it is impossible to develop self-sufficiency. If you decide to become an independent and independent person, you will have to eradicate it, replacing it with self-confidence.
The household independence group includes people who are independent from outsiders in household chores. In the section of confidence based on thought processes, there are individuals with an established worldview who think about their own benefit. The social category includes people who have achieved recognition by society, who have achieved success at the district, city, regional, state or international level.
Regardless of the type of self-sufficiency that a person wants to achieve, strong-willed and independent individuals who are confident in their own abilities have the following qualities:
No fear of loneliness.
Responsibility for actions done and words spoken.
Confidence in your own rightness, supported by powerful inner strength.
Determination with which you will achieve your desired results.
Detachment, providing the necessary distance from the outside world. At such a distance, only sincere people who need you remain in life.
Selfishness with which you will be primarily concerned about your own benefit and convenience.
Without such character traits and spiritual qualities, it is impossible to achieve your goal. Mercy and compassion do not become “enemies”; the main thing is to be rationally guided by your own range of feelings and emotions.
Pay attention when you are admired and praised, storing such emotions in your mind as a bright memory.
Come to terms with where at certain moments you have to be alone with your own thoughts. People must have personal space, which they have the right to dispose of in accordance with individual preferences.
Project in your mind a situation in which you have lost the support of your spouse, romantic partner, friend or close relative. The experience of independence will help develop the strong-willed qualities necessary in the nature of a self-sufficient person.
Recreate in your memory bright memories that evoke warm feelings. Think about how you can get a similar range of emotions without the participation of another person.
Wealth manifests itself in everyday life, at work, in communication with friends and relatives - this is not just another mask that we put on to achieve desired result, but a newly acquired quality that forever “settles” in the consciousness.
What postulates are a self-sufficient person guided by? What values prevail in the consciousness of a wealthy person? How to become an independent unit without the help of outsiders? How should communication with the outside world be limited? The answer to the above questions are the rules of a self-sufficient person:
The absence of authorities is the first step towards your own worldview, so you will have to abandon the opinions of respected and close people.
Get rid of idols and idols - you too can achieve similar heights.
Lose your pride - a vice that alienates true benefactors from you. Being confident in your own abilities and “raising your nose up” are different manifestations of self-sufficiency. Remember this fact.
Erase the past that depresses you. If you still have unpleasant memories in your memory that negatively affect your self-esteem, then replace them with new emotions that develop a self-sufficient personality in you.
Stop complaining about your surroundings, justifying your own actions. Feeling sorry for yourself is a sure path to self-destruction, which does not allow you to become a socially successful person.
Be honest with yourself. You can be disingenuous or not tell the truth to strangers, but never deceive your own consciousness. Lies will sow doubt and uncertainty inside.
Take care of your appearance, be sure to educate yourself. Improving character, intelligence and figure will develop discipline and allow you to be proud of conquering new heights in various spheres of life.
Learn to solve your own problems yourself, without resorting to the help of strangers.
Update your list of goals and objectives regularly. Do not stop at the achieved results, but strive for new “victories”.
Guided by simple rules for achieving self-sufficiency, you can become an independent person with a well-formed worldview in a short period of time. The main thing is to create an image taking into account your own preferences, without adhering to generally accepted standards and standards.
January 18, 2014Only we ourselves know what is best for us. We intuitively feel when we are betraying ourselves and our values, but sometimes we are afraid to say so and defend our opinion, our vision of the situation, our decisions. Sometimes we are so afraid of losing something - a man, a job, the approval of others that we are ready to betray ourselves. First in small things, then in more important matters. It takes inner strength and courage to speak up about what is important to you. And be prepared for the fact that if a person is not ready to hear and accept your values, then he may leave. However, the paradox is that it is honesty with yourself and with others that creates closer and more sincere relationships.
Our integrity is also reflected in how we react to the moods and actions of other people. Including the beloved man. If any criticism and missed calls make you depressed, then this indicates that you do not feel in harmony with yourself. What hurts us most is that which resonates with our prohibitions to act in this way or, conversely, with our non-acceptance of these qualities in ourselves. Therefore, before you reproach others or shed tears, figure it out with yourself: why you react this way. What's your pet peeve that you keep getting stepped on? Only what we allow to happen happens to us. Once we understand ourselves, everything begins to change in amazing ways. The more independent we become, the less we are provoked and irritated.
When a woman does what she loves, she is inspired, passionate, and full of energy. It is the energy that overwhelms us that is the magnet that attracts attention to us. Those around us, especially men, feel our passion. Any man is excited by a woman who has a favorite thing to do. Her eyes are burning, she is overwhelmed with passion for life, her thoughts are not only occupied with him. And this is again about the courage to be yourself and follow your desires. And if your favorite activity also provides excellent income, then the man understands that you choose him not because you are chasing his money, but because you are interested in him as a person.
There is such a beautiful metaphor: when two drops merge into one, they dissolve into each other and lose themselves, and when two lit candles begin to burn together, the flame becomes larger, but each of them can carry its own light. Our passion for our favorite hobbies, sports, and personal development allows us to maintain individuality and uniqueness without becoming a shadow of a man, but on the contrary, opening up new facets of life for him. It is important to find a balance: not to give up everything for a man and not to give up a man for everything. The famous psychologist, coach and writer Marilyn Atkinson says that a couple should spend 12 hours a week together, and the rest of the time can be devoted to something else. And then your life will be full and rich, and not boring and monotonous.
Communication with other people inspires and develops, giving us the opportunity to take a fresh look at ourselves and the world. And if a woman isolates herself in a small family world or the world of a relationship with a man, then at some point she falls into the trap of the same type of thoughts and reactions. She becomes predictable, dependent and boring. A circle of friends and fans keeps your perception fresh, the exchange of new information, knowledge, as well as the feeling that you are interesting to many people, including men. It is important that you only communicate and flirt with other men, but in no case cheat on your loved one, as this destroys intimacy. The interest of other men keeps not only you, but also your man in good shape, who understands that he is in a competitive struggle, and it is not a fact that the palm will always remain with him. This gives the relationship a slight unpredictability and at the same time makes it stronger.
The ability to keep something silent also increases interest and desire to get to know you more deeply. When a woman shares too openly the details of her life - her pains and problems, the flair of mystery and romanticism is lost. At such moments, a man begins to feel like a pathologist, in front of whom all his insides are being turned out. It is not surprising that after this not only sexual attraction disappears, but also simply the desire to communicate. The feeling that there is a stranger next to you, even if you have been living with him for twenty years, does not allow you to let go. And the very thought that you have little secrets excites and excites.
Sometimes we confuse acceptance with connivance. Acceptance is when we understand that everyone has their own path and their own manifestations, we respect a person on a deep level, but at the same time we do not allow him to violate our boundaries. Clear rules about what is acceptable to you and what you will never tolerate make people listen to you and respect your values. It is important to talk about this and agree, without blaming, but firmly declaring your position and principles, feelings and expectations on issues that are really important to you.
A self-sufficient woman knows her worth and invests time and money in herself. How we treat ourselves, how much we value ourselves, determines how others treat us and value us. When a woman forgets about herself, does not develop, does not pamper herself with beautiful clothes and self-care, men - and everyone around her - regard this as her disrespect for herself and allow her to be treated the same way. But the point is not what men think and how they perceive us, but the fact that self-love fills us with energy, inspiration and joy!
Wise and self-sufficient women are characterized by composure and the ability to control their emotions. This does not mean that she is always smooth and calm. She can throw a tantrum when she is absolutely calm inside and remain outwardly calm when a storm of emotions is raging inside. It is this contrast that gives it piquancy, and the relationship - sharpness. But her performances are precisely controlled and thoughtful, and this is what gives them such power and makes them memorable. When a woman is hysterical too often, this only speaks of her lack of self-confidence and inner promiscuity.
A self-sufficient woman can allow herself to be herself, defend her principles, do what she loves, communicate and live a full life without getting hung up on a man and at the same time always find time for him and give him love without demanding anything in return. But at the same time, she can allow herself to choose the best man for herself, realizing her strengths and accepting her shortcomings, and knowing “that it is better to be alone than to be with just anyone.” And loneliness does not make her unhappy, but on the contrary, it allows her to remain in harmony with herself, without wasting herself on unnecessary relationships, meetings and affairs. By choosing the best, you become stronger.
Are there many self-sufficient people among your friends? And what does it mean - to be self-sufficient, human self-sufficiency? I wonder if it is good or bad to be self-sufficient?
Self-sufficiency- this is the ability to solve all your problems, do without other people’s help and support, the ability to overcome own fears, this is independence, the ability to be responsible for one’s words and one’s actions.
Self-sufficient man makes a decision quickly, he, of course, can listen to the advice of other people, but he makes the decisionaccepts independently. Self-sufficiency can manifest itself in various issues: economic, financial, social, psychological.
Economic self-sufficiency is very useful. It’s good when a person is able to take care of himself: cook lunch, dinner, wash clothes,when a person is able to solve all everyday problems. It is clear that many of us do not know how to sew, knit, chop wood or lay tiles. But this is not required of us; it is important that we are able to organize these processes and monitor their implementation.
Financial self-sufficiency follows from everyday life, you don’t know how to do it, but you can pay. This is the ability to earn money and therefore solve many problems without your direct participation.
Social self-sufficiency - the ability to adapt in society, the ability to be successful in one’s work.
But psychological self-sufficiency is more difficult. To be like this means to be independent, to do without communication, without friends. This is the ability to live separately from others, to get by only on your own.
The path to healthy self-sufficiency lies through overcoming difficulties and getting rid of all kinds of fears. An independent person cannot have attachment. If he is bored and suffers while waiting for a call from someone, this will no longer self-sufficiency.
This quality is human self-sufficiency, you need to cultivate it in yourself, you are not born with it. First you need to learn to serve yourself, learn to accept independent decisions. You must always set tasks and goals for yourself and go towards them. You need to act like an adultas an accomplished person. Be sure to use
Today on the website Koshechka.ru we will look for ways to achieve this. After all, in fact, there are no weak women - there are those who are unsure of themselves or those who have taken on an overwhelming burden of responsibility. Let's find out how to successfully overcome such a crisis.
Why do women strive to be self-sufficient? Many will answer: to achieve your goal always and everywhere, because, despite the fact that intelligence and beauty are our strong trump cards, they are useless if the ground constantly disappears from under our feet.
Becoming a self-sufficient woman means learning to manage your inner strengths. This is the only way you can not only fight against your shortcomings, but also be able to make them work for you!
When a person becomes self-sufficient, he gets rid of feelings of envy and hatred. Bright and successful individuals themselves become objects of envy and discussion.
How to become a self-sufficient person? You need to feel absolute prosperity with your whole soul. Find time to stop, think, love yourself and show respect and proper attention to yourself. Fill your “black holes” where you feel empty.
It's not very difficult - you just have to really want it. In reality, everyone needs you “to the extent”. The only person who knows you best and is capable of loving, respecting, appreciating you and accepting you for who you are until the end of his days is you! And as soon as you become truly self-sufficient, others begin to gravitate towards you, like buttons to a magnet.
Becoming self-sufficient means being happy regardless of circumstances!
The first thing to start with and what to overcome for those who want to know how to become a happy and self-sufficient woman is emotional dependence on a partner, friend, etc. To do this, the site recommends that you read the psychologist’s recommendations and follow them:
Addiction is an attempt to exist thanks to other people's resources, so the best cure for it is your own life.
I guess there's nothing more to add here. If you want to be self-sufficient, be it!
Saltykova Anna - especially for Koshechka.ru - a site for those in love... with themselves!
Self-sufficiency as a personality quality is the ability to assert oneself in oneself, become a person of sound mind, minimally depend on external will, and not attach excessive importance to assessments yourself and the objects of the external world, feel comfortable alone with yourself.
It seemed that the Master did not care at all about the impression he made on other people. When the disciples asked how he managed to achieve such a state inner freedom, he laughed: “Until I was twenty, I didn’t care at all about the opinions of others.” After twenty, I no longer cared what they thought of me. But one day - when I was over fifty - I suddenly discovered that no one even thought to pay attention to me!
One day Henry Ford happened to come to England. At the airport information desk, he asked where he could find a normal, but inexpensive hotel. The employee looked at him - his face was famous. Henry Ford was famous all over the world. Just the day before, newspaper articles promoting his upcoming arrival had carried large photographs of him. And here he stands here, asking about an inexpensive hotel, wearing a raincoat that, although quite good, is clearly not new. The employee asked, “If I'm not mistaken, you are Mr. Henry Ford. I remember well, I saw your photo.” “Yes,” he answered. This caused the employee to be completely confused, and he exclaimed: “You are asking for the most inexpensive hotel, wearing a simple raincoat…. I saw your son come here, he always stops at best hotels, and he was superbly dressed. He had a lot of suitcases... Henry Ford replied: “Yes, my son behaves like an exhibitionist, he is still very unbalanced. I don't need to stay in an expensive hotel; Wherever I stay, I am Henry Ford. In the cheapest hotel I'm still Henry Ford, there's no difference. My son is still very young, inexperienced, and he is afraid of what people will think if he stays in a cheap hotel. And this coat - yes, I’ve actually been wearing this coat for several years, but it’s all good, so why do I need another?! It does not matter; why do I need new rags? I am Henry Ford, no matter what I wear; even if I'm completely naked, I'm Henry Ford. A All the rest does not matter » .
After such a convincing demonstration of self-sufficiency, it will be quite easy for us to understand the essence of this concept. Since we live in a dual world, self-sufficiency has its opposite. Self-sufficiency is synonymous with independence. This means that self-sufficiency with a minus sign is lack of self-sufficiency or dependence. Every person has self-sufficiency and dependence. Those for whom the positive pole becomes manifest have the right to be called self-sufficient people. The negative pole – dependence – is hidden in them, but this does not mean that it is absent. Self-sufficiency as a plus is impossible without its minus pole - dependence. It just depends minimally on external conditions. External conditions do not have a decisive influence on it. Self-sufficiency has all the possibilities for living in harmony with oneself and with the outside world.
For example, R.A. Narushevich interprets male self-sufficiency in the following context: “Self-sufficiency in the male understanding of this word is the ability to exist calmly and happily in this world, to move around it, meeting friends and support, having a very strong life philosophy, having already developed by this time the character, life principles and goals. Feeling that he, this man, has good backing, has friends who are waiting for him in his homeland while he is on his journey of self-sufficiency. There are beloved close people, relatives, mother, father. There are like-minded people whom he can meet all over the world and at the same time feel quite comfortable, even being far from home. This, in general terms, is the self-sufficiency of men.
Self-sufficiency is minimal dependence on external will and external sources. There is no such thing as absolute self-sufficiency . If a person is addicted to alcohol, nicotine, drugs, or “truly loves” children, this cannot be called minimal addiction. There is such a joke. Two acquaintances meet, and one asks the other: “Are you drinking, perhaps?” “No, I don’t drink.” “Do you smoke a lot?” “No, I don’t smoke.” “Really drugs?” “No, I don’t use drugs.” “Then how do you relax?” “You know, somehow I don’t really strain myself.” If for a person relationships are the main source of emotions, and life without them loses meaning, this also cannot be called minimal dependence. At the same time, self-sufficiency cannot be understood as isolation from the outside world. Every person is integrated into civilization. Books don't grow on trees. He is dependent on food, clothing, doctor services, communications. Therefore, it is not correct to talk about self-sufficiency in this context. The question is: Will you feel normal, without suffering and cries of indignation, having become Robinson Crusoe for several years? How do you feel about loneliness? Can you keep yourself busy without TV series, discos, football and various shows? Won't it be boring? Can you become a follower of Diogenes without any mental anguish?
Diogenes saw the goal of his life in achieving a state of “autarky” (self-sufficiency), when a person comprehends the vanity of the external world and the meaning of his existence becomes indifference to everything except the peace of his own soul. In this sense, the episode of the meeting between Diogenes and Alexander the Great is characteristic. Having heard about Diogenes, greatest sovereign wanted to meet him. But when he approached the philosopher and said: “Ask what you want,” Diogenes replied: “Do not block the sun for me.” This answer precisely contains the idea of autarky, for for Diogenes everything is completely indifferent, including Alexander, except his own soul and his own ideas about happiness.
What do most people do in the “battle of life”? Fights for his importance, spending a colossal share of their vitality, or reveres the importance of objects in the external world. Significance breeds dependence and minimizes self-sufficiency.
Life is a game in which a self-sufficient person only spectator watching its vicissitudes. Its impossible hook on importance because he is just an observer. If he wants to “play” with his career, power, or a big salary, he will gladly take part in the game, but, having achieved his goal, he will return to the auditorium. At the same time, while playing, he does not create excess potential and, therefore, does not allow the balancing forces to teach him an educational lesson. He looks at the bustle of life from the outside or from the heights of space. From above, importance falls. As F. Nietzsche said: “You look up when you strive to rise. And I look down, for I have risen.”
Self-sufficient people always aroused great interest. The mind loves to control what is happening and have tools to influence another person. Faced with the incomprehensible phenomenon of self-sufficiency, he does not know what to do. The usual picture of the world is collapsing. The mind does not understand which hook can be hooked on this person to continue to control the situation. The uncertainty of the situation gives rise to both fear and interest. It becomes “terribly interesting.”
Dependent people are slaves to their desires and intentions. Attaching excessive importance to the assessments and opinions of others, they rush into battle for their importance. Self-sufficiency is incompatible with the need to evaluate oneself and the objects of the surrounding world . The outside world repels their aggression and, with the help of balancing forces, eliminates the excess potentials created. A self-sufficient person smoothly glides towards his goal on the ice of life, without clinging to his own and external importance. He has no one to be offended by, because no one can offend him. Resentment as a consequence of pride can arise in a person who attaches special significance to the behavior of others. A self-sufficient person professes the principle: “I have the right to be myself, and others to be different.” Therefore, he cannot be offended.
One of my acquaintances objected to this: “How can I not be offended by my friend if he did not shake my hand when we met? At the same time, our relationship was good.” Where does resentment come from? The other person does not behave the way we would like. Left the zone of our control. And for us it is important that others behave in accordance with our ideas about life. Otherwise, pride suffers. We don’t know, maybe his friend heard enough on TV about viruses that are transmitted by shaking hands, or maybe he decided to abandon the stereotypes of behavior - shaking hands? “Where did you meet?” I ask him. - “On the beach toilet. I went to wash my hands." - “Why do you wash your hands after using the toilet, and not before? Why are your genitals so dirty?” - “Everyone does it.” - “So everyone doesn’t shake hands in the toilet.” A self-sufficient person would simply not notice the tension in this situation. When we are not dependent on anyone, when we have no owner, we cannot be let down, humiliated, our feelings hurt, despondent and made unhappy.
Do you think a confident person should be self-sufficient and, conversely, a self-sufficient confident person? Self-sufficiency as a concept covers only the sphere of relationships of dependence. More confidence broad concept. In a confident person, self-sufficiency prevails over dependencies, and in a self-sufficient person there is more confidence than uncertainty. In general, self-sufficiency involves dealing with fear of oneself, one’s thoughts, actions and emotions. Self-sufficient people, according to Maslow, “managed to stop the raging inside of most people” civil war“between the “deep forces” and the “defense and control forces”. As a result, most of them have access to fruitful activity, joy and creativity. They spend significantly less time and energy fighting with themselves.”
A self-sufficient person cannot be called an egoist only for the simple reason that he is independent of anyone. He can afford dependence if it does not create excess energy potential. For example, he loves his wife. For him, love is selfless admiration for the existence of another. He builds relationships on the principles of giving, not mutual exchange, and does not turn his wife into a means of saving him from loneliness. You can love a person without merging with him or dissolving in him. He accepts his wife with all her “cockroaches” in her head, respecting her uniqueness and individuality inner world. If a wife is a wise woman, she will not try to “dissolve” her husband in herself. She will not encroach on her husband’s goals, calling and destiny. It is enough for her to understand that he loves her, but remains an individual - unique and internally independent. She has already become a favorite part of his world, entered his life, and there is nothing more stupid than establishing her own rules in it and trying to make rearrangements.
A self-sufficient person does not depend on the approval of others. Pushkin’s line “accept praise and slander indifferently, and do not challenge a fool” is his conviction. Having taken responsibility for all the events of his life, he already knows that he is acting wisely. Disapproval or approval becomes only a feedback signal for him. He enjoys the attention of others, but nothing more. Imagine for a moment if the importance of a successful performance did not hang over our athletes, how many victories we would have won.
Self-sufficiency is often equated with independence. The essence of many concepts is hidden in language. The word “self-worthiness” consists of two parts, which in meaning mean “I stand myself.” In other words, I stand on my own two feet, and no one is pulling my strings. I can cope with the difficulties of life on my own. This is the position of an independent person. The word “self-sufficiency” also has two parts, but the meaning is different: “myself is enough” for me. That is, a person feels comfortable in his own company, he is not bored with himself. This means that independence highlights a person’s physical viability, while self-sufficiency emphasizes his psychological viability. The question arises: is an independent person self-sufficient? Not always. A person can be independent in all areas of life and at the same time pull the tail of all kinds of addictions behind him. For example, depending on the feeling of loneliness.
Self-sufficiency is perceived at the level of sensations. You can’t talk about it from the inside, but only from the outside . When a person says: “I am a self-sufficient person,” one should be wary. Firstly, with such a statement he compares himself with others, creates excess energy potential and, thereby, calls into action equilibrium forces. Only others can diagnose his self-sufficiency. Secondly, in such a statement there is more self-sufficiency inside out - dependence. He seems to push away the other person, defend himself from him, fearing to fall into a relationship of dependence. This is already evidence of an internal imbalance.
A self-sufficient person is alien to envy, rancor, vindictiveness and gloating. A self-sufficient person understands where he ends and another begins. His soul and mind, being in unison, tirelessly develop, rather than become bored and inactive. Self-sufficiency is not a constant state. This is a personality quality that involves constant development and personal growth.
Petr Kovalev 2013
