Update date: 03/16/2018
Most often, the greeting ceremony ends with a handshake. In the distant past, the ritual demonstrated peaceful intentions - after all, there are no weapons in the hands. For a handshake it is usually served right hand, this rule also applies to left-handers. However, if the right one is occupied or damaged, you can apply, after apologizing in advance, left hand. In this case, your free hand should not lie in your pocket.
When offering your hand, you cannot keep it relaxed, as if offering to hold a frog. But you shouldn’t squeeze your partner’s hand with all your might, shaking it in the air. Give your hand confidently, shake calmly, lightly and briefly.
You should not shake your palm with both hands, just as you should not offer only your fingertips for shaking.
If you are, he should be the first to extend his hand.
When a man and a woman meet, the lady decides whether or not to shake hands. Etiquette dictates that the woman should be the first to offer her hand. Also when meeting people of different ages, the initiative must come from senior comrades. If a lady or a person older than you in position or age decides to show a slight bow and verbally greet you, you should not insist on a handshake. However, if the hand extended to you is left hanging in the air, it will be considered an insult.
When meeting an acquaintance in the company of other people, it is polite to shake hands with each of them.
If you meet with a group of people, including someone you know, good manners require that you shake hands with everyone present.
On the street, etiquette requires men to take off their gloves, but women do not have to do this. When shaking hands, both hands must be without gloves, or both hands must be wearing gloves. If your counterpart has already pulled off his glove, you will have to follow his example. But this etiquette rule does not apply to mittens: everyone must remove them before shaking hands.
Upon entering the room, first of all, take off your gloves, and only then greet those present. When leaving, it is also acceptable to shake hands if the company was small. The man who systematically walks around the living room and shakes everyone’s hands looks rather ridiculous. Also, don’t walk across the room with your hand outstretched to say hello. At large cluster people, it is enough to say hello or goodbye to everyone with a slight bow.
For couples who greet each other with a handshake, there is a special order that avoids crossing palms.
In this case, first the ladies who are to the right of their companions shake hands with each other. Then they shake hands with the men. The greeting ends with a man's handshake. If the ladies are standing opposite each other, then this position simplifies the greeting even more: women and men shake hands at the same time. Then one of the men walks around his companion from behind and shakes the lady’s outstretched palm.
It is worth remembering cultural peculiarities, where a handshake between a woman and a man is impossible in principle, because... Touching people of the opposite sex is one of the strictest taboos.
Also, you should not overuse the handshake in case of frequent meetings during the day, for example, at work. This is impractical, and it looks somewhat ridiculous.
This shows openness, cordiality, and readiness for further contact. But even when shaking hands, people who consider themselves well-mannered adhere to certain rules regarding the question of who shakes hands first when greeting. What does etiquette dictate?
The custom of shaking hands when meeting has come to us from ancient times. Moreover, in each period of time this gesture was attributed different meanings. There is a hypothesis that in primitive tribes, shaking hands with men was a kind of test of strength: whoever shakes hands harder is stronger. Each meeting began with such a short duel. In some other tribes, a man’s willingness to extend his hand showed the purity of his intentions: the hand is extended, the palm is open, there is no weapon in it, which means there is no need to be afraid of this person.
IN Ancient Rome people were good at cunning, and an outstretched hand did not always mean friendliness. Warriors learned to hide a small dagger in their sleeve, and with a normal handshake it could not be noticed. Therefore, the descriptions mention the custom of shaking the wrist, not the palm. At first this was done for safety reasons, then it became a tradition: when meeting, men, holding their hands at waist level, squeezed each other’s wrists.
But in Japan, samurai shook hands before a fight, and this gesture told the enemy: “Prepare to die.”
In those distant times, people did not attach importance to who should give their hand first. The handshake became generally accepted and regulated by the rules of etiquette only in the 19th century. Only men could shake hands with each other; this gesture was not typical for women and was considered tactless. Later, shaking hands became popular in business circles: they sealed deals and showed a disposition for further communication. Nowadays, there is nothing wrong with shaking a lady's hand, especially if it happens in a business setting.
The custom of shaking hands when meeting is more common in Europe and America. In Asia, it is less popular: there a bow or a certain folding of hands is considered a sign of respect. But in business circles in Asian countries, a handshake is also appropriate.
In most cases, a person cannot introduce himself: he must be introduced. A man is supposed to introduce himself to a woman. Those who are younger in age - those who are older. A person occupying a higher position in society is introduced to someone who is at a lower level. This is considered an indicator of good manners. If you need to introduce your family to colleagues or friends, then they call your spouse and children, and introduce friends or colleagues to them as a sign of respect for older age. Who shakes hands first when meeting? He is the person to whom others are introduced, regardless of gender and age.
Are there situations when it is appropriate for a person to introduce himself to strangers? Yes, this is possible, for example, at a business dinner, banquet, party in order to establish a relationship. In this case, it is permissible to approach the person of interest, introduce yourself, name your field of activity and company and extend a business card.
If you need to introduce yourself to a woman who is in the company of a man, you should first meet her gentleman and then only be introduced to the lady.
Getting to know each other is not just about shaking hands. A good-natured, inviting smile and a direct look into the face of the interlocutor are very important. Averting your eyes to the side during a meeting is considered bad manners.
Yes, yes, ignorance of these seemingly trifles can make a person look ignorant in a matter of seconds. So, when meeting and at any meeting, according to generally accepted rules of politeness, you should not:
Almost every hour we greet someone: neighbors, the saleswoman from whom we buy coffee every morning, colleagues, close or barely familiar people, relatives... Who is the first to offer their hand when greeting? How not to put yourself or your interlocutor in an awkward position? Let's consider several cases.
If acquaintances meet on the street or in public place, you should not express your emotions too violently and attract the attention of others. Seeing a familiar person in the distance, you can limit yourself to a nod or wave of your hand. If the distance allows, a handshake and a short exchange of phrases are appropriate (you should not start a long conversation, because the person may be in a hurry). Who shakes hands first when meeting? Etiquette prescribes this initiative to someone who is older in age or occupies a more important social position.
At unexpected meeting With a loved one, short hugs, pats, and in some countries even kisses on the cheek or the cheek-to-cheek gesture are appropriate. But if you have met a business partner, a person older than you, or a distant acquaintance, such displays of emotion can be regarded as familiarity.
Who shakes hands first, man or woman? Only a lady can shake hands. A man is supposed to either shake the outstretched hand or bring it to his lips for a kiss. In past centuries, it was only permissible to kiss the hand of a married lady, but in modern rules It is good form to have no such restrictions.
Should you greet people you barely know? Yes! Even if you don't remember the person's name or can't remember where you saw their face, it's still best to be polite and say hello. Of course, in in this case It is enough to say a greeting, nod or raise your hat. Violent manifestations of joy will look unnatural and therefore completely unnecessary.
Let's say we're talking about about meeting acquaintances at a party, in a restaurant, at a social reception, in a theater, or any public place. Is not chance meeting while running and going to an event, a person knows who he will meet there. How should one behave and who is the first to offer their hand when meeting? In this case, the one who is younger or holds a lower position is supposed to come up and say hello first. But when it comes to who is the first to offer a hand - the elder or the younger - then this initiative is shown by the one who is older.
When you come to visit, you must say hello to the owner of the house and the guests present. The owner should shake hands, and when greeting others, you can limit yourself to a bow and greeting phrases. It is more appropriate for the hostess to kiss her hand.
When meeting a group of people, it is not necessary to shake hands with everyone; a general bow is sufficient. But if you shake hands with one of these people, you should shake hands with everyone else. Who shakes hands first when greeting in this case? The one who approaches the group. Before shaking hands, gloves should be removed, as should headwear.
If you have to say hello to people sitting at a table, it is considered a sign of bad manners to extend your hand across the table. It is more polite to limit yourself to a verbal greeting or a slight bow.
In a situation where there is a noticeable age difference between people greeting each other, the question often arises: who shakes hands first - the elder or the younger? The rules of etiquette state that only the oldest person can take the initiative to shake hands. The same rule applies to people at different levels career ladder: The one who is of higher rank extends his hand.
The rules of politeness in business are subject to the same principles. The person of lower rank is supposed to say hello first. If a person enters a room where a group of people is already present, then the person entering greets first - regardless of position or age.
Who is the first to offer their hand when greeting during business communication? IN reverse order, on a top-down basis. We must not forget general rule: shaking hands with one person implies the same gesture towards other persons. Otherwise, you should limit yourself to polite words and a general nod of the head.
In the case when a subordinate enters the boss’s office, the latter may not interrupt his business or conversation, but according to the rules of politeness, he must greet the newcomer with words or at least a gesture. In the opposite situation, when a boss comes to a subordinate, it is necessary to interrupt the conversation or business (if any, and this will not be incorrect in relation to a third party) and pay attention to the manager.
Etiquette is a delicate matter, but quite logical, because all the rules of good manners are subordinated to one thing: not to offend another person, to behave in such a way that communication is mutually pleasant. If you happen to be confused by rank and age, if you are afraid of seeming impolite or accidentally offending, you should remember one more rule: the more polite person will be the one who offers his hand first when shaking hands, who is the first to say hello, who is the first to show attention. If you are in doubt whether to say hello or not, say hello, whether to extend your hand or not, extend it. You may be known as a person who has forgotten any subtlety of etiquette, but you will show cordiality and respect.
But there is one simple circuit, which helps you remember who should greet first and who should shake hands first according to etiquette. We greet each other according to the principle “from least to greatest” (junior - with senior, subordinate - with boss, man - with woman). We extend our hand according to the principle “from most to least”, since a handshake is a kind of privilege, badge of honor attention, and this gesture is supposed to be made by a more “important” person (a senior extends his hand to a junior, a boss to a subordinate, a woman to a man).
In addition to the handshake, do not forget about greetings kind words, inviting gestures and a friendly smile are an absolute trump card in any communication!
It's safe to say that the handshake has become overused. For example, colleagues who meet at work every day do not necessarily have to shake hands in the morning when greeting each other, and in the evening when saying goodbye. When offering your hand for a handshake, it is important to remember not to extend it to your friend in a lazy, relaxed manner, as if handing him cherry jelly to hold. Also, you should not squeeze your partner’s hand with a gigantic effort, swinging it in different sides repeatedly. You need to offer your hand in a free and confident gesture, leading to a clear and short handshake.
When shaking hands, a woman may not use her glove unless she is shaking hands with a woman who is significantly older. According to the rules of etiquette, men should wear gloves when greeting each other. If one of them takes off his glove, then the other must also take off his. If a woman is wearing one, a man, when greeting her, may also leave his on. But if a man is wearing warm mittens, they will have to be removed.
But kissing a woman’s hand has become completely unpopular. Now this is mainly a feature of Polish traditions.
When meeting on the street, it is worth remembering that you should extend your hand for a handshake if both of your hands are wearing gloves or both without them. You should not extend your gloved hand to a woman who is not wearing one. But in a similar case with a man, as well as with someone who is younger than you, this rule can be neglected. A woman greeting a younger woman may also not follow this rule.
When entering a room, you first need to take off your gloves, and only then greet those present, but not if the gloves are part of the toilet.
Remember that you should not be the first to offer your hand when introducing yourself. It doesn’t matter whether you introduce yourself or someone else introduces you to those present. You shouldn’t go up to each of the people gathered and shake hands. In this case, it is best to limit yourself to a slight bow. With this gesture you will show everyone's attention.
How to greet acquaintances when meeting?
The man should always greet the woman first, and the younger should greet the elder. A woman should be the first to greet someone older than her. If a woman who is older than you shakes her hand during a greeting while you are sitting, you are supposed to stand up immediately.
If a man and a woman meet, the woman should make the decision about the handshake. She is the first to offer her hand, but in accordance with the norms of etiquette in a number of European countries, a man can also offer his hand first. When people of different ages meet, the handshake is initiated by an older person. During the introduction, the person being introduced must give his hand first. Remember that you should always respond with a handshake if someone extends their hand to you. Under no circumstances should you leave your outstretched hand hanging in the air. This could be an insult.
To shake hands, you need to present your right hand. If it is damaged or occupied, you can also offer your left hand, but in this case you must apologize before doing so.
If you shake hands with one person, when you approach a group of people, you will need to shake hands with the others.
To avoid crossing hands when two couples meet, there is a certain order of handshakes.
If women stand to the right of men, as is traditional, then first they shake hands with each other, then the men, and only then the men shake hands. If one of the women is to the left of the man, it turns out that the man stands opposite the man, and the woman stands opposite the woman, which makes it possible to shake hands at the same time without interfering with anyone.
Although in modern society While it is customary to shake hands when meeting for the first time, in some circumstances you should not initiate a handshake. Considering that a handshake is a sign of trust and cordiality, you should first ask yourself a few questions. Are I welcome? Is this person happy to meet me or am I forcing him to greet me? Sellers know very well that by shaking the buyer’s hand and doing it without warning or introduction, they cause a negative reaction in the person. Potential buyer may refuse a purchase if he feels that he is being forced to shake hands. In such circumstances, it is better for the seller to wait until the buyer himself expresses a desire to shake his hand. If the buyer does not have such a desire, then it would be more appropriate to limit himself to a friendly nod. In some countries, it is not customary to shake hands with women (in Muslim countries, for example, such an act is considered offensive; a slight nod is enough). However, in Lately the number of women ready to shake hands when meeting or parting is increasingly growing. A firm handshake immediately conveys openness and makes a good impression.
Taking into account what we just said about the effect of a hand facing down or up, let's analyze the handshake.
During the Roman Empire, noble Romans greeted each other with something like modern arm wrestling in a standing position. If one of the men was stronger than the other, his hand was on top. We will call this position - hand on top.
Let's say you've just met someone and greet them with a handshake. At this time, you can feel the interlocutor’s attitude towards you and draw certain conclusions.
Dominance: “He's trying to gain control over me. I have to be careful."
Submission: “I can control this person. He will do what I want."
Equality: “With such a person I feel free and easy.”
Such signals are sent and received unconsciously, but immediately influence the outcome of the meeting. In the 1970s, we documented the impact of the handshake on relationships and began teaching the skill in our workshops. With a little practice, you can radically change people's attitudes towards you.
Dominance is conveyed by turning your hand ( see picture, striped sleeve) in such a way that the palm turns down during the handshake. The palm doesn't have to be facing straight down, but your hand is still on top. Thus, you show your interlocutor that you are trying to gain control. over the situation.
Establishing control
We surveyed 350 successful CEOs of large enterprises (89% of them were men) and found that almost all of them were the first to initiate a handshake. 88% of men and 31% of women placed their hand in a dominant manner. Power and control were less important to women, so only one in three businesswomen placed their hand on top when shaking hands. We have also found that some women deliberately shake men's hands in a rather timid manner in order to simulate some semblance of submissiveness. In this way, they emphasized their femininity and made it clear that the desire for dominance was alien to them. However, in a business setting, such an approach can turn into a real disaster for a woman, because male partners will begin to pay attention to her feminine charms and will not take her seriously. Overly feminine ladies at business meetings are not taken seriously by either men or other women. And this is a scientifically proven fact, although our words do not sound too politically correct. We do not mean at all to say that businesswoman must be masculine. She just shouldn’t send purely feminine signals. Don't wear short skirts or high heels, and avoid timid handshakes. This is the only way you can achieve true equality.
Women who send overly feminine signals in business settings lose credibility.
In 2001, William Chaplin of the University of Alabama conducted a study on handshakes and found that extroverts shake hands firmly and authoritatively, while timid, neurotic people never do so. Chaplin also discovered that women who were open to new ideas shook hands quite vigorously. Men can shake hands firmly in any circumstance. Thus, it makes sense for women seeking to achieve a respectable position in the business world to learn how to use a strong handshake.
Submissive handshake
The opposite of a vigorous handshake is a position in which your hand ( see picture, striped sleeve) is positioned with the palm up. Thus, you symbolically transfer control to the interlocutor, just as a dog demonstrates its throat to a stronger dog.
This handshake is quite effective if you consciously want to give the other person control of the situation or want to let him know that he is dominant in your relationship. A submissive handshake is appropriate if you are going to apologize.
Although placing the hand palm down generally demonstrates submissiveness and submission, in some circumstances such the interpretation turns out to be wrong. A person suffering from arthritis will never shake your hand tightly and will always turn their palm up because this position is less painful for them. A weak handshake is also typical for those who are engaged in fine handmade, - for surgeons, artists and musicians. Such people protect their precious hands with all their might. When analyzing a handshake in these circumstances, you must take into account the other gestures in the chain. In a weak, submissive person, you will definitely notice characteristic gestures. An energetic and powerful person will certainly demonstrate his power in other ways.
Submissive handshake
How to establish equality
When two energetic, powerful people meet, a handshake turns into a kind of power play. Everyone strives to move the other person's hand into a subordinate position. As a result, both hands remain in a vertical position, which immediately creates an atmosphere of equality and mutual respect. In such circumstances, the interlocutors are not inferior to each other.
Showing equality
How to create an atmosphere of trust
If you want to create an atmosphere of trust with a handshake, you need to take two aspects into account. First, make sure that both your palm and your interlocutor's palm are in a vertical position, that is, so that neither person in the conversation is in a dominant or submissive position. Secondly, shake the other person's hand with the same strength as him. Let's determine the grip strength by scale from 1 to 10. If you shake hands with a strength of 7, and your interlocutor is only 5, you need to loosen your grip by 20%. If the interlocutor shakes hands with a force of 9, and you are only 7, you need to strengthen your handshake. When meeting with a large group of people, you must correctly assess the strength of each handshake and respond accordingly. This is the only way you can establish an atmosphere of trust and equality with everyone present! Remember that the average man is about twice as strong average woman. In the process of evolution, the pressure force male hands reached 45 kg, which is manifested during activities such as shaking, carrying heavy objects, tearing, throwing and hitting.
Remember that a handshake is a gesture of greeting, goodbye or closing a deal, so it should always be warm, friendly and positive.
How to stop the power play
The palm down push is reminiscent of the Nazi salute. This is the most aggressive type of handshake, since the interlocutor has virtually no chance to establish equality. This kind of handshake is typical for powerful, dominant people who always initiate the handshake and place their hand palm down, forcing the other person to take a subordinate position.
Palm down push
If you feel like a person is shaking your hand like this, you have a few options.
1. “Step to the right” technique
If you are forced into a subordinate position during a handshake (and many men do just that), it is quite difficult to move the interlocutor's hand into an equal position. In addition, such actions are too obvious.
Then take a step forward with your right foot, thereby invading the other person's personal space. Finally, to complete the maneuver, place your left foot next to your right ( cm. drawing) and shake the other person’s hand. This technique will allow you to straighten your handshake or even move your partner's hand into a subordinate position. By invading the other person's personal space, you can take control of the situation.
Analyze your own handshake. Find out which foot you take when extending your hand to your interlocutor.
The dominant interlocutor seeks to gain control
Step forward with your left foot
Step forward with your right foot and turn the other person's hand palm up
Most people step with their right foot, but they lose the advantage of a dominant handshake because they have nowhere to move and it allows the other person to take control of the situation. Practice stepping with your left foot and you'll immediately find it easy to deal with those who try to control you with a handshake.
2. “Palm on top” technique
If the other person tries to move your hand to a palm-up position, do not resist, but then cover their right hand with your left. Thus, it turns out that you are shaking his hand with both hands at once. In this position, it will be easy for you to move the other person’s hand into an equal handshake.
Two-handed handshake
This technique will allow you to take control of the situation and simplify further communication. In addition, a two-handed handshake is very convenient for women. If you feel that the other person is deliberately trying to intimidate you and does this constantly, take his hand from above and then shake it (see picture). This can literally defeat your interlocutor, so we do not recommend resorting to this technique often. Consider it as a kind of “first aid”, a last resort.
Last exit
Cold, clammy handshake
Nobody likes a cold, clammy handshake that feels like you're holding a dead fish in your hands. Due to the stress of meeting strangers, blood drains from the surface layer of the skin and rushes to the muscles of the arms and legs. This is a natural preparation for the fight or flight response. As a result, the temperature of the hands decreases, sweating increases, the hands become cold and sticky, reminiscent of a cold sausage or dead fish. We advise you to always have a handkerchief in your pocket or purse so that you have the opportunity before meeting someone important to you. person to quickly wet their palms and not make a bad impression. Before meeting with stranger You can also imagine that you are holding your palms in front of a burning fireplace. This visualization usually raises the temperature of the palms by 3-4 degrees.
A handshake is a very important thing. When you shake someone's hand, your brain releases the trust hormone oxytocin. You open up to communication, trust each other more, and even consider your handshake partner more nice person. The same thing happens in his head. But it’s important not just to shake hands, but to do it correctly. How exactly - said Vanessa Van Edwards, psychologist and author of the book “The Science of Communication”.
During a handshake, the hand should be in a vertical position. This puts you and the other person on an equal footing.
Equality
If someone turns your hand over so that your wrist is visible, then they are trying to dominate. Never start a handshake from this position yourself. This is how you show your weakness.
Domination Eye contact is not a direct part of a handshake, but it has a huge impact on first impressions.
When you look into the eyes of another person, it is as if you are saying: “I want to communicate with you.” This look is much more important than the first words when meeting someone, because, just like a handshake, it provokes the production of oxytocin. At a subconscious level, a person is perceived as open, pleasant, convincing and memorable. People will want to see you again and get to know you better.
If there is no eye contact at the first meeting, then for the brain it is like a red rag for a bull. The person gets irritated, thinks that something is being hidden from him, and treats you with suspicion.
Squeeze your hand tightly: Limp handshakes are unpleasant and people will perceive you as an untrustworthy person who does not want to communicate. But don't do it too much so as to make anyone nervous. Handshakes that are too strong can be intimidating and uncomfortable.
The ideal handshake lasts 3-5 seconds. Taking too long causes confusion and awkwardness. Too short and abrupt - the feeling is that the person is not at all in the mood for communication and wants to leave quickly. But if you are really in a hurry and meet while running, then such a handshake would be appropriate.
Shaking a wet palm is not a pleasant thing, but that’s not the only point. Your hands sweat when you're nervous, and being nervous won't produce good things. Do not extend a wet hand to greet, do not show your excitement to the other person. Carry tissues with you just in case.
When you meet an old friend, you can shake his hand and even hug him. Everyone will be comfortable. But when it comes to new people around you, you can get into an awkward situation and confuse the person. You need to know in advance what type of greeting will be appropriate.
Watch their body language when someone approaches you. If your arms cover your torso or one arm is extended towards you, then a handshake is appropriate, but a hug should not be done.
