Self-sufficiency in simple words- this is when your own company is enough for you to be happy.
You are not afraid of loneliness, you can solve life’s problems yourself, since you have the necessary skills for this. It implies strength and self-confidence, in one's own life position, ability to make decisions. A kind of man-island who only lets you in on excursions.
I consider the words of Oscar Wilde to be the motto of self-sufficiency:
❝You will continue to be unhappy as long as you believe that others make you happy❞.
Without which there is no self-sufficiency:
Qualities that distinguish a self-sufficient person:
Thus, in order to become self-sufficient, you need to develop the appropriate qualities (or already have them), identify a goal in life and master a profession that would bring in enough money so as not to depend on others financially (ideally, your hobby and profession should coincide) .
It would seem that everything is simple. But I want to warn you that such independence implies, first of all, loneliness, distance from other people (but not isolation!). Therefore, we can only talk about it at a certain period of life. Self-sufficiency and family are incompatible.
I believe that self-sufficiency is mainly the prerogative of men. A woman will always need love, support, children, she will be dependent, as she strives for fusion.
And the island man values, above all, freedom and independence. He does not look back at authorities, does not care about other people’s opinions, does not seek help, does not grieve about the past and does not savor the mistakes he has made, and does not condemn himself for them.
Here's what Stephen Covey writes about independence in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:
Independence is expressed by the I-paradigm - I can do this; I am responsible; I rely on myself; I can choose.
If I am physically independent, then I can do everything perfectly well on my own. If in the intellectual sense, I can think independently, I am subject to different levels of abstract thinking. I can think creatively and analytically, as well as formulate and present my thoughts in an understandable form. If I am emotionally independent, then all my statements and actions are generated by my internal reasons. I control my own actions. My sense of worth does not depend on how well or poorly others treat me or treat me.
True independence of character motivates us to act rather than be influenced. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. However, independence is not the end goal of an effective life.
Interdependence is a much more mature, more progressive concept. If I am physically interdependent, then even though I am confident and efficient, I understand that you and I, working together, can do much more than I can do alone, even if I try very hard. If I am emotionally interdependent, then while I have self-esteem, I still have the need to give and love others, as well as to be loved. If I am intellectually interdependent, I recognize that in order to enrich my thoughts I need to borrow the best that others have.
First of all, decide if you need it. To do this, I suggest taking two tests.
Spend the day alone. Do not communicate with friends or relatives, turn off the TV.
Spend the whole day alone with yourself, with your thoughts. And if you are bored and don’t find anything to do, then self-sufficiency is not for you.
An independent person, as a rule, is passionate about something, he has a goal and his own interests, which do not allow him to suffer from boredom and look for someone to kill time with.
Stay alone with yourself, in silence, and imagine that you need to go to study or work in another country for several years.
Completely immerse yourself in this situation, let it be something like meditation: mentally transport yourself to any country. Imagine in detail how you arrive at a new place, rent a hotel room, look for a job, communicate with new people, make a choice and decide on a new place of work, rent a house.
You need to make new connections, you have nowhere to wait for help - you must do everything yourself, make many independent decisions.
If the very thought of leaving your current life and environment does not scare you, if you are eager to start everything yourself, then you will succeed.
Looking back, I determined what I needed. Make a list like this for yourself.
My blog was written to help those who want to become a self-sufficient person, which I am. Look through this material, perhaps you will find something useful for yourself.
Why become self-sufficient? Yes, at least in order to become happy. A person who is in a position of dependence on the people around him cannot lead his own life, therefore, he inevitably has to fulfill the desires of others, adapt, adjust, please. What kind of happiness is there? We do not claim that the main condition for happiness is complete independence, but even without freedom there can be no talk of happiness. However, let's move on to self-sufficiency, which can be complete or partial, depending on how many levels of life it covers.
Rice. How to become self-sufficient?
economic self-sufficiency
Only a person who is able to fully provide himself with a normal and fairly comfortable existence can be considered self-sufficient in economic terms.
psychological self-sufficiency
Self-sufficiency on a psychological level does not mean that communication with people should be avoided. Everything is not so radical. If you have psychological self-sufficiency, you may well get a lot of pleasure from communicating with other people, but you do not depend on this communication, that is, you can completely do without it. A psychologically self-sufficient person is never bored alone with himself.
social self-sufficiency
In order to gain social self-sufficiency, it is necessary, that is, to be fully established as an individual with a profession, a job, or his own business.
financial self-sufficiency
If you are able to earn as much money as you may need, then you are already self-sufficient.
If you decide to become self-sufficient, then get acquainted with the steps you will have to take. So.
Step #1. The first thing you need to do is find for yourself suitable job. Moreover, prestige or earnings cannot be used as a criterion. The main thing you need to focus on is your own skills and passions. If your work is done easily and at the same time brings pleasure, then you are guaranteed decent earnings, no doubt about it. And this is the path to financial independence.
Step #2. Approach with full responsibility the social circle in which you are forced to be. Ruthlessly cut off those social connections that drain you of energy or make you feel dependent. There is no need to give up all your friends; on the contrary, you can and should communicate, but without fanatical devotion and without desire, everyone will like you.
Step #3. To achieve economic self-sufficiency, you need to live alone for some time. If you have never had to be alone before and you are afraid of the very fact that you will have to do all the household chores on your own, then it is all the more worthwhile to conduct such an experiment. You can believe that loneliness reveals things that a person himself had never suspected before. And how much free time appears! And the regime can be organized only the way you like. There are so many benefits, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Step #4. A self-sufficient person not only makes all important decisions independently, but also bears full responsibility for them. There’s no escape here; you can’t hide behind someone else’s back. But the rewards go only to you, and you don’t need to share them with anyone.
Step #5. If you decide to take responsibility for your own life, learn to set goals, because you live on this earth for a reason. Now it’s up to you to decide which shores to swim to and what to look for. So, dream, plan and dare, you are.
Step #6. Do you have a little worm of doubt stirring in your soul? You should not feed him, otherwise he will instantly grow into a healthy worm and want to command everything himself. remained in that previous life in which you were dependent on circumstances and the will of other people, that is, a weakling.
Step #7. Do not allow yourself to listen to what others think about your self-sufficiency, just to scratch their tongues. Whether they scold you or praise you, it is now, by and large, completely unimportant, you have gained complete independence, you can afford a holiday - your own Independence Day.
Have you enjoyed the holiday of soul and body? Have you learned to subordinate life and circumstances to your will? Have you achieved self-sufficiency? If you answered yes to all these questions, you need to move on, because stopping development is always a regression. It's time to move on to the next step, where you have to take care of others.
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Let's take a closer look at what self-sufficiency is and why it is so necessary.
Self-sufficiency is a person’s ability to solve many life problems on our own. This quality implies a complete absence of fear of being alone, the ability to provide oneself with what is necessary without outside help. This concept is complex; accordingly, it has several levels:
The main condition for healthy self-sufficiency is the complete absence of any fears, as well as the ability to overcome them correctly. It is difficult to say about an anxious person that she is self-sufficient. Such a person runs away from life.
When you take responsibility for your actions, the reaction of others to them is just feedback for you, a different point of view. The attention of others also becomes only a pleasant addition to your successful actions. However, for a self-sufficient person this attribute is unimportant.
Naturally, this quality cannot be innate. They become self-sufficient during the formation of personality and its development. A person does something, experiments, makes mistakes, finds his path. All these actions immediately affect self-sufficiency. The main way to help develop this quality is the determination to stop demanding something from others and take responsibility for what is happening on yourself.
Let's look at specific tips that will answer the question of how to develop self-sufficiency.
The first step should be the determination to serve yourself, be able to provide for yourself financially and solve emerging issues on your own. Also, the development of self-sufficiency is closely related to taking care of your body, its health and beauty. It is necessary to understand that the transition to healthy image life is an opportunity to extend the period of one’s self-sufficiency and delay old age.
Carefully consider your social circle. Understand for yourself who you are really interested in and need. Communicate with people when it has a certain value for you (this means not only and not so much material interest, as a spiritual connection and the interest of a person as an individual). The pinnacle of perfection in this area is the ability to have friends without them “having” you. Human self-sufficiency is not achieved immediately. It is not easy to combine it with attractiveness to others on initial stage. Here it is appropriate to recommend the article - “ How to get rid of the desire to please everyone».
Some people may benefit from productive solitude. Such an experience will allow you to overcome the fear of being alone and understand that there is nothing terrible in this situation. You live an independent life, do things that are interesting and important to you. Productive solitude can be compared to a fasting diet. Internal elaboration removes everything unnecessary from your life, certain restrictions go away, additional skills are developed, and personality changes are consolidated.
Learn to make decisions on your own. You can listen to outside advice, but still do it your own way. You need to remember that in the end you will be responsible for the final decision.
Should learn set goals for yourself. The person who has them lives his own life. A person without a goal is content with what others and circumstances offer him.
Self-sufficient personality is, first of all, an adult, a developed individual. If you have learned to “stand on your own two feet,” don’t stop at this stage. When you reach a significant level of self-sufficiency, consider caring for others.
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A self-sufficient person is a person who does not depend on anyone or anything (even weather conditions), accepts independent decisions, no matter how extraordinary they may be, from his point of view they are correct. He lives by his own rules, solves all his problems on his own and is not afraid of loneliness. At first glance, everything seems very simple, but this requires effort.
A self-sufficient person is a person who does not want and does not know how to get bored. He will always find something to do for himself, to the point that he will be interested in pulling his own cat’s tail. Such an individual can occupy himself both physically and mentally. He strives to understand everything, because life does not stand still: new technologies appear, discoveries are made, everything in the world changes globally. A self-sufficient woman is an interesting, intelligent, beautiful person who can provide for himself. That is, she can spend money and not be accountable to anyone, since she earns it herself (the same can be said about men).
To become a self-sufficient woman, you need:
1. Constantly engage in self-education, in addition to basic education, naturally, so that everyone admires your intelligence.
2. Take care of yourself: go to fitness clubs, beauty salons, etc. - so that everyone admires your appearance and article.
3. Set goals and achieve them under any circumstances - so that everyone admires your success.
But in fact, a self-confident person does not care deeply about who and what thinks about him.
Suppose a person has a house, a piece of land, and he grows roses on it. He enjoys it. He stands firmly on the ground, knows his business, does not depend on anyone, makes his own decisions (when to water, what color roses to grow, where to plant, who to sell them to and for how much). This person considers himself self-sufficient. He's not bored!
Now consider the life of a simple teacher. His class is the best in the school: high academic performance, activity in the life of the school and all the best - in his class. Hence the respect he receives from his colleagues, the high wage, love of students, etc. The teacher considers himself professionally self-sufficient.
Now imagine that in front of us is the president of a country. Thanks to his reforms, the country is developing at full speed. It is thriving: the standard of living of people in the country is high. The President is satisfied with his work and his position in society - he is self-sufficient. Everything is done according to his instructions. He is successful in everything and everywhere. All three levels listed above relate to professional self-sufficiency.
But, in addition to professional, there is also personal confidence. in terms of love. Again, let's look at three levels.
1) The man is handsome, charming, has a lot of money, changes girls every week, and has many fans. He considers himself a self-sufficient person. He is happy with his life. He likes to look after girls, achieve his goal and not depend on anyone.
2) Another option: a guy who is courting one girl is head over heels in love with her. He is happy and confident in his choice.
3) And, finally, a person who has a family and children, he earns decent money, the children are obedient. He also considers himself a self-sufficient person. When a person has achieved his goal and can now do everything perfectly for himself, he begins to take care of his loved ones. If you combine love and a professional plan, you get overall self-sufficiency of a person.
A self-sufficient person can stand firmly on his feet, achieves his goal, he is independent. Although it's two different concepts. A person can be independent, earn money, solve problems, but he will be uncomfortable being alone.
What is self-sufficiency? This is complete independence as in externally, and in the internal. Then it turns out that self-sufficient person lonely, but he likes to be alone with himself. Sometimes we exhibit some individual qualities of this factor. For example, we solve problems on our own or want to be alone, sometimes we don’t even care about everyone’s opinion. The ability to enjoy life, despite the “bad weather”, the ability to maintain control over your mental well-being is a skill that comes with experience. The ability to live in harmony with the inner and outer world is fundamental to achieving the desired goal, the goal of being yourself.
One can endlessly give examples of what such a person should be like. But all of them would be as useless as if you tried to describe space with a pencil. Don't try to learn this from those who are trying to be experts in it, don't try to copy someone who only seems to be human, as this completely goes against this concept - the concept of self-sufficiency. Your personality is unique, you are unique, and therefore you have a different path to understand yourself. You don’t need love, money for this, nothing will make you happy until you know how much you need for happiness.
Lack of self-sufficiency is a form of slavery to others, from which abolitionism will not save us, but only complete self-confidence and control over our thoughts. Why do we become worried if someone deprives us of recognition, but not worried if someone begins to idealize us? After all, this is one and the same thing - a change in the assessment of one’s self under the influence of others. When you are in society, such existence implies being under with a gaze surrounding people, and a person is not able to completely get rid of it. A person dresses the way it is fashionable now, buys the gadget that is fashionable, and this is not because other clothes are already rags and cannot make calls, but only because it is no longer relevant.
You cannot claim that you are self-sufficient if the music on your phone is different, or you wear it to work and the boss’s requests are not important to you, because this is nothing more than an act of denial or internal rebellion.
Self-sufficiency is the development of a person's ability to get by on their own without fear of loneliness or needing outside support to function well. It is difficult to imagine a completely self-sufficient person, so types of self-sufficiency are distinguished depending on the sphere (social, financial, household). The definition of self-sufficiency can characterize the two poles of the manifestation of this quality - on the one hand, a positive influence, when a person is able to do without others, without suffering (being able to find something to do on a free evening, the ability to feed oneself, as well as maintain a household), on the other hand, it is excessive manifestations of self-sufficiency, when the rest of the world is pushed aside, and a person withdraws into a hermit’s shelter.
Self-sufficiency is not only the ability to survive, but also independence in making decisions and life choices, regardless of the support or censure of others. Self-sufficiency does not fit with the concept of dependence, be it chemical or emotional dependence on a person. The question of whether this personality trait is positive cannot have an unambiguous answer, however, in society there is a desire to develop self-sufficiency. People are looking for ways to develop self-sufficiency through training, articles, personal coaches and shifts life strategies, but few people are looking for a way to reduce their level of self-sufficiency. When it is in that excessive and inadequate degree of development in its implementation, then people usually come with problems of loneliness, inability to build relationships, psychosomatics or disorders of the affective sphere.
The definition of self-sufficiency involves a person's ability to cope without external help, as well as maintaining psychological comfort. A basic level of self-sufficiency satisfies needs on the physical plane (providing food, home and clothing, the ability to prepare this food and maintain the house, maintaining a good condition of things). The next level is psychological self-sufficiency, which concerns the need for another person or communication in general. Appears in a comfortable emotional state, independent of the presence of communication.
A self-sufficient person is interested and comfortable in solitude, it does not frighten him, but provides space for activities, while at the same time maintaining the ability to enjoy interaction. The opposite form of psychological self-sufficiency is psychological dependence and the need for constant contact with a specific person. The broadest level of self-sufficiency is social, including fulfillment in society through an activity that reveals inherent talents and brings pleasure.
Self-sufficiency has a close connection with caring for the health, beauty, strength and purity of one’s own body. Since good physical condition helps to improve health, delay old age, and, accordingly, extend the period of self-sufficiency. In some ways, self-sufficiency is similar to responsibility, and precisely these two qualities help strengthen each other. When you are guided by your own opinion, and do not listen to the advice of others, and then shift responsibility onto them, when you care about your future and try to reduce your dependence as much as possible - you show responsibility for your own life, the decisions made in it, and self-sufficiency in building unique living space.
A self-sufficient person is free from any dependencies and public opinion. He does what is relevant to him now, without focusing on social assessment, wears his own clothes, and not those that his friends will approve of. It is a great luxury to allow yourself pleasant communication within a timeframe that suits you. It seems that this is quite rude and selfish behavior, but self-sufficiency is manifested in and to the same extent in respect for others. So, if we talk about interaction, then a self-sufficient person will endure a conversation that began at an inconvenient moment for him, but he will also not be offended by you if you do the same.
Self-sufficient people attract interest by their courage to live and be themselves, without hiding behind gray masks, the desire to blend in with the crowd or meet expectations. This behavior fascinates and frightens, some may be inspired to discover their own individuality and the person will begin to strive for their dreams, but in others it may give rise to aggression, fear and the desire to push someone who is different into the usual framework. Such fear is due to the lack of control and levers of control of a person for whom the main authority is located within.
Women's self-sufficiency in relationships began to manifest itself in Lately, and along with it, psychological queries about fatigue, lack of emotional warmth in a couple or lack of relationship began to become actual.
There can be many reasons for a woman’s desire for self-sufficiency. Some people spend their entire lives trying to live up to their parents’ expectations and strive to become better, while others have received it, because of which their basic trust in the world has suffered, and now the woman has closed herself off from everyone and provides for physical and emotional existence herself. These are sad and heavy options, where self-sufficiency is only a tool against the intolerance of life, but internal problems are not solved and pleasure does not come. Developing her independence, a woman begins to think about whether she needs someone nearby at all, because she may not receive help, and the risk of a stab in the back appears. Men feel this attitude and run away on their own, or the woman herself does not show interest in the relationship.
But there are also pleasant moments in the development of the same self-sufficiency, based on a woman’s inner confidence and desire to move in her chosen direction. Then this trait is used not as a mechanism for ensuring security, but as a way to realize one’s potential and aspirations. With this approach, one remains open to interaction with the world, the ability to hear others, but act on the basis of one’s thoughts.
A woman’s self-sufficiency, raised on confidence rather than on traumatic experiences, allows her to be interesting to others. The absence of a rigid construct about “I myself” opens up more opportunities for realization, communication, and exchange of experience. This is a steeper level of development of the skill of self-sufficiency than just the ability to survive - this is social interaction in which there is an opportunity to see another and preserve oneself.
A self-sufficient woman understands her needs and is able to find various creative ways to fulfill them that bring her happiness. Of course, this includes taking care of your body (baths and oils, rest and comfortable shoes), its health (yoga, massages, fitness, vitamins and sanatoriums) and beauty (haircuts, masks, new beads). A self-sufficient woman without her own achievements is unthinkable, and this should not be hard scientific work (although if scientific activity brings joy and excitement, then scientific work), but something that brings satisfaction (charity, home decorating, business development, baking cupcakes).
Next important element harmonious and happy self-sufficiency – relationships (not only with a man). A woman lives in communication, and the ability to make it harmonious, constructive and pleasant indicates a good knowledge of her needs and the ability to interact. It is necessary to constantly study and improve your internal space, with the same care, or even more, with which we take care of our own body. Knowing your own needs, boundaries, desires, time and mental capabilities gives you an understanding of where and how exactly you should move, when to stop communication and when to continue, where to live, what to do, with whom to break contacts, and with whom to have children.
Self-sufficiency means relying on internal guidelines, and accordingly, you should devote a decent amount of time to studying them.
Self-sufficient men are especially popular because they are able to make decisions, bear responsibility, know and can do a lot, and it’s not scary to be with them. Most often, the eyes light up and a desire appears to get such a man in women with a dependent type of behavior in order to shift their worries onto him. But a self-sufficient person professes this principle in relation to others, which means that such a lady will not be interesting to him, and may cause rejection.
Men's self-sufficiency in relationships manifests itself in a special way. If a man decides to exchange his independence for marriage, then he understands the seriousness of the event and agrees to be responsible for his wife, new family and a child. This is very positive features, but before the union of your destinies occurs, a lot of time and discussion of all the rules must pass, because a man is used to living according to his certain laws and you either accept them, or you are not on the way. A confident man will not tolerate a person next to him who is trying to change him, but he will not change a woman either.
With such a man, women’s manipulations and the desire to drive him into a convenient pattern of behavior do not work. An adult open conversation is possible with an accomplished adult - he dyes his hair green, and you buy sixty-four shoes, or you just go your separate ways. There are no long scandals here, otherwise a self-sufficient man will wish you pleasant things life path without insulting or holding a grudge against you.
A self-sufficient man has his life’s work and is successful in it, external activities is a priority for him. He does not look like a closed, crazy fanatic, but is quite socialized, open to criticism and new ideas, but filters any information through his perception. Such a man will lead like-minded people and will go through those who disagree, instead of stopping and proving to everyone that he is right. And, of course, it is adapted to living conditions, i.e. cooking dinner and cleaning his suit does not plunge him into a stupor of terror.
They write and talk a lot about how to develop self-sufficiency, but little attention is paid to how necessary this is for a particular person in his life.
Absolute self-sufficiency does not exist: humanity depends on weather and climatic conditions, from the daily routine of another person. This is in addition to such needs as communication, warm relationships, and the ability to rely. All aspects of interaction have a certain dose of risk and dependence; the question is in the priorities set. If you prefer family to loneliness, then your independence in life will decrease, and the opportunities to lean on someone and receive warmth will increase. The question of developing self-sufficiency can be reformulated as a question of developing one’s own sensitivity and the ability to notice one’s needs in a timely manner.
While developing your independence, you should monitor your own life for the presence of addictions (food, adrenaline, chemical, relationship) - any addiction controls you, not you control it. When making a decision, do not rush to run for advice or Google what to do, it is better to spend more time and effort, but find the answer within yourself, because no authoritative people, even if they are smart psychologists, know how comfortable your life will be.
Look back less at the past, looking for excuses or explanations for what is happening - act based on the current situation and current needs. Especially quickly interrupt memories associated with external criticism of your actions and do not allow the opinions of passers-by to influence your appearance, behavior or choice of activities.
Work on self-knowledge and confidence. Improve your skills daily, starting from the level of everyday life, where you provide a living and take care of the body to social level, where presenting to the world its true (found during excavations inner world) essence, you are able to withstand the onslaught and criticism without changing yourself and accepting the difference in worldview.
