Beeeely stork leeetit
* We started the renovation in the style of "hi-tech", continued in the style of "let's do it", we finish in the style of "dick with him."
* We wanted to go on vacation, calculated the finances, decided that we were not tired.
*While the folder was setting up the Christmas tree, the son's vocabulary was greatly enriched.
*An Estonian is asked what is better, sex or the New Year, he answers that sex is certainly better, but the New Year is more often.
*Earlier, the whole country laughed at Vovochka, and now Vovochka has grown up, has become a PRESIDENT and is dying over the whole country.
* Of all the seven-color flowers, the main thing is not to choose a buttercup-fuck * nutik.
*I am looking for a strong man. About me - "10 hectares of garden"
*Unhappiness is when, at the sight of you, a prostitute's head hurts.
* Let the devil fly across the sky, sweep the dust from the moon with his tail, the cat licks the heels of the old woman, carols are sung in the yard, don’t be scared between things, you’re not fucked with vodka, it’s just witchcraft, Christmas is coming.
* In our village there are no "Contacts" or "Odnoklassniki", but there are haylofts for contacts with classmates.
*Everything was fine until yesterday my wife noticed that the neighbor was washing the landing with my underpants!
*An elderly man asks the nurse: “When will I be discharged?” - "When the cardiogram straightens!"
* There is never a lot of money, there is either little or none at all.
* Well, how does a cow give milk? — Yes, 20 liters — And what are you doing with it? - What. that we keep 10 liters for ourselves, and sell 15.
*Eyes are afraid, hands are shaking - no one is doing anything!
* Faina Ranevskaya was once asked why she doesn’t do plastic surgery ... The answer was brilliant: “The point is to make a facade if the sewer is still old ...”
*Russian woman is strong and powerful!!! in an instant, a dung heap flies away, boils porridge, cleans up the mess ... and if it thumps, then it will fill your snout.
* Husband to wife: - “Why do you watch cooking shows on TV? You don't know how to cook." Wife with a smirk: - "Well, you also watch porn"
*Two fishermen meet. One to the other: - “Yesterday I was sitting on the shore, I caught a goldfish, she says: “Let me go, I will fulfill your every desire.” I thought and thought, everything seems to be there, and I ask her - make sure that my wife and I finish at the same time! “And what happened next?” - “What, what, while I was sitting fishing - I finished three times !!!
* Inscription on the back of a biker - If you are reading this inscription, then my woman fell off her motorcycle.
* Wife texts her husband “Eggs 3d”, Husband: “Where should I go to the market or to the cinema”
* The milkmaid came to work drunk, the cow asks: - “What did your husband torture you and because of this you got so drunk that you can’t stand on your feet?” The milkmaid in response: "Uguuu" and falls down. Cow: - "Okay, hold on to your boobs, I'll jump"
* A man in a thick sheepskin coat enters the clogged bus. The girl is indignant. - “Man, take off your sheepskin coat, a place will appear where to stand!” - "I can take off my trousers - there will be something to hold on to"
* The miracle of Russian intimacy And Valentine never dreamed of! Forest, snowdrifts, hayloft, Roof, shop, basement! Russian sex for those who dare! Valentin would be stunned.
* The wife flaunts in front of the mirror and says to her husband: - “I went to the doctor today and he said that I have breasts like a twenty-year-old girl ...” - “Oh, he didn’t say anything about a fifty-year-old ass ???” “No… He didn’t ask about you…”
*Mug greasy in lipstick... All in hearts... Tie on the back... No laces... In one sock... Ball burst in hand... Chocolate... A can of beer... And - terribly happy! Sings: "La-la-la" Know fun things! What were you celebrating, brute? - Valentine's Day!
*- It is a pity that I did not listen to my parents in my childhood. — What did they say? I don't know, I didn't listen.
*Market. Buyer - seller: - What is your cost per kilo of potatoes? - The cost price is a trade secret, and the cost price is 60 rubles per kilo.
* A man was making moonshine in the barn, went to the well for water, returned, and there were cops in the barn. They say to him: - We are driving moonshine. Write an explanation! — And what to write? - Write as is. Wrote. They read: “I see smoke coming from the barn. I think fire. I take two buckets of water and go to extinguish. I come, and there two cops are making moonshine.”
* A woman lies on the pavement, a man passes by - “Are you lying down like a dog?” - "I took a parking space, now my husband will drive up."
*March 8, morning. I get up and go to the bathroom. Suddenly a cry: - Well, the goat lay back down, I'll bring coffee right now!
* An orgasm in a pig lasts 30 minutes (30 minutes! Figase!) 2. Catfish have more than 27,000 taste buds (Why? What is so tasty at the bottom?) 3. A cockroach lives without a head for 9 days. after which he dies of hunger. (And I keep thinking about the pig!) 4. A flea can jump a distance of 350 times its body length. It's like a person jumping over a football field. (30 minutes…fuck…lucky pig…) 5. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump (Thank God!) 6. Some lions copulate more than 50 times a day (Pig is funnier anyway!) 7. Cat urine glows in ultraviolet light (I wonder who was paid to find out?) 8. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I even know a few of these people..) 9. The starfish has no brain at all. (And I know those too..) 10. Humans and dolphins are the only ones who have sex for pleasure (What about pigs???
* My husband is 40 years old, and in Odnoklassniki his classmates are 25-30 ... Lord, how difficult it was for him to study! ..
*Honey, stay at home. Do cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, baking, necking, giving birth, educating. Tired of everything - change the situation - make repairs! Boring? - Take care of the cottage! As long as you are my wife, you "will not work"!!! =))))
*At the disco, boy Girl: - Do you dance? - I dance, I sing, I read poetry, I love cats... - Why are you weaving? - I scourge, I embroider, I knit with knitting needles ... - Are you persecuting me, or what? - I drive moonshine, mash, sometimes oil ... - Well, you give! - I give ... I give ... I give ... - Yes, what are you treating? - Hemorrhoids, sinusitis, sexual disorders ... - What are you? Are you dumb? - I blunt, I sharpen, I sharpen knives, scissors, I correct razors ... - What??? - Damn, I want to get married, why is it not clear or something ...))).
* Oh God, what a beast, and I gave birth to his son! I wanted to give birth to another daughter, would you go to ... .. period !!
*- Vitalik, why are you so sad? - Yes, my friends gave me a towel with a naked woman on the 23rd ... My wife liked the towel, but she kicked the woman out!
To be continued…..
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It would be good for a person to examine himself, how much he costs for friends, and that he tries to be as expensive as possible.
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You didn’t put it - don’t look for it, but if you put it down, don’t look for it.
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So that you don't have spokes in your wheels, don't tell anyone that you have wheels.
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I love you like a bug in the corner: where I see it, I'll crush it!
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Two steps to the left, two steps to the right? Such vacillation, of course, is unhealthy.
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A woman with a cart - a man from happiness to comatose!
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If you look for “hot” for a long time, then by the time you find it, you can become “cold” yourself.
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Everyone knows the saying “hunger is not an aunt”, but not everyone knows how it sounds in full: “hunger is not an aunt, but a mother)))))
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The less you know - you sleep better ... in the same bed with people who lie to you every day.
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How many men stunned by the bust, marry everything else!!!
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In the realm of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
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As it comes around, it will respond ... and if it responds, it won’t seem enough))))
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Do not sit among those who are standing, do not stand among those who are sitting, do not weep among those who laugh, and do not laugh among those who weep.
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It is not at all out of thrift that a woman lights 20 candles on her 30th birthday.
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The lascivious mother-in-law does not believe in her daughter-in-law either.
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Don't dig a hole for another until you get an advance.
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That's what is natural, people say, it's not shameful. But it's not always good - as you can see ...)))
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How many times have they told the world: if you want to shit, run to the toilet!
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The dishwasher is the engine of feminism!
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The cook hides mistakes with sauce, the doctor with earth, and the architect with a facade.
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How many Fridays can you really have in a week?
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Trouble is a misunderstood adventure.
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Not everything that sticks out of the water is a swan.
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It is very difficult to find black thoughts in a bright head, especially if they are carefully hidden ...
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Quickly legitimized love leads to divorce.
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If you drank well, it means bad in the morning! If it’s good in the morning, then you drank badly!
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Patience and work until the lunch break will bring.
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If a child was found in cabbage, it will be rich, if a stork brought it, it will be a pilot, and if you bought it in a store, ask for a warranty card.
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Proven saying: - Smoking causes a trolley.
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A Japanese proverb says: ... a good husband is always healthy and he is never at home ...
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We always have a second to mess things up. ?? It won't take forever to fix everything.
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Burnt with mulled wine, we blow on vodka.
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There are many fools in the world: you can’t count them all and you can’t retrain them all.
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All life is war, all bullets are fools.
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He brought the girl to sin - bring it to orgasm.
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You can teach cleanliness to a pig - but I'm afraid you'll exhaust yourself.
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Many diseases - one healing: joy, love, good nature and singing!
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God created a man and rested, but created a woman - and everyone lost their peace.
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... Do not hit the woman with a hammer ... the woman will be flat ...
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“Until you kill a hundred, you won’t become a good doctor”
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What fell is ... tired ...
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I am white and fluffy… True, there are thorns under the white fluff…))) Therefore, the appearance is deceptive… You can’t flatter yourself…
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If you find better, you will forget, if you find worse, you will remember ...
Cool sayings status phrases proverbs
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If a piece does not fit in the throat, try to swallow the previous one.
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Between the first and second would not get into neutral)
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One head is good, one leg is bad)))
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Russian linguists have established where the proverb “some went to the forest, some for firewood” came from: some were sent to three letters, and others to five ...
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The purest joy is the gloating we feel when we see the misfortunes of those we envy.
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From desires to bend forever - it means not to wake up.
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Fear has big eyes (saying) Fear has big eyes, and his wife has what he once saw for the first time ...)
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How much sense - to help the wolf?
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Can't you throw a scarf over each mouth? Yes, a different mouth and a tent is not enough!
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Great is he who conquers cities, but truly great is he who conquers himself.
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He who is not happy with the little will not be happy with the big.
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You can’t spoil porridge with oil, but only as long as there is more porridge than oil.
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The easiest job is to make someone else work.
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Don't be soft-bodied, you won't be eaten.
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So you consider it a problem that there is no right person nearby ...
Remember the saying - "no man - no problem." And if the problem exists, then such a person exists!
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For those who haven't died, there's still a chance.
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Not the same thing: “they know what they say” and “they say they know”.
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The truth of the saying “Too much is good is also bad” can be most clearly and intelligibly demonstrated with the help of ordinary vodka.
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It is not a fact that a fly in the ointment will necessarily spoil a barrel of honey. Might give it some personality...
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The most dangerous obstacle to love is the absence of any obstacles.
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A holy place is never empty. It becomes empty when it ceases to be holy.
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The happiness of a friend - and not in joy? You know, you hide nasty things in your heart.
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Be afraid of autumn - winter follows it; don't be afraid of winter - spring is behind it
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God will not throw anything down the chimney - earn it yourself.
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If at the age of 30 you haven’t gained your mind, and you won’t… If you didn’t make money at the age of 40, and you won’t… If you don’t have happiness at the age of 50, you won’t…
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From now on, your grandmother is science, do not marry your grandson.
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All day without an Internet ... You wouldn’t wish this on your enemy!
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You get along with a bee - you get a honey, you contact a beetle - you find yourself in manure.
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Only jesters speak seriously.
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A shoemaker without boots can only be killed by a jeweler's wife without a ring.
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A bear is not a dog's pleasure, a pig in a garden is not a gardener, and a wolf is not a shepherd to sheep; a bad judge who is dumb or deaf.
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The world will disappear not because there are many people, but because there are many non-humans.
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God loves the Poor but helps the Rich...
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Spas came - prepare a swimsuit in reserve.
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Trouble for the country? It's time to switch to "we"!
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A fire will not penetrate under a lying stone.
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You can't cook pilaf in someone else's cauldron
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Three "many" and three "little" ruin a person: talk a lot and know little, imagine a lot and cost little, spend a lot and have little.
Cool sayings status phrases proverbs
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“Bad is the parent who cannot support his children ... until they retire”))
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Unfortunately, the saying: earlier you start, earlier you finish is not suitable for everything.
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The more years, the smaller the skirt.
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The most successful of all gave their dinner to the enemy, the Americans - they gave us McDonald's ...
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On bezrybe, and ass nightingale.
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The women repent. The girls are getting married.
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When youth laughs, old age thinks.
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Between the first and second - a break for divorce.
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If the mountain does not go to Mohammed, then the hookah is missing somewhere!!!
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Whoever remembers the old twice - he doesn’t need glasses ...
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The memory of lives behind - deja vu looks with eyes.
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Life is very good, if the soul is young.
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Russia, to know, a generous soul. She is milked slowly.
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Joy and sorrow are the vital field.
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The bird sings - and does not know grief, but a man hates his life.
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Who suffers, he achieves the goal
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A donkey remains an ass, even if it carries the Sultan's treasury.
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I can’t work - I’m a horse according to the horoscope!
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A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant one follows public opinion.
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If you make an elephant out of a fly, then it will be easier to catch, but it will be more difficult to kill.
Cool sayings status phrases proverbs
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Until the age of five, treat your son like a king, from five to fifteen - like a servant, after fifteen - like a friend
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Jealousy is a big swamp: easy to get in, but hard to get out.
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Poor is not the one who has little, but the one who has little.
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Good people are needed by God.
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Road sticks to dinner.
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One in the field is not a warrior - there is no one to fight with.
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Keep a child in your soul - life is joy, not a race!
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The mind is talkative, but the heart is sensitive - even the little one knows this.
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"The bigger the car, the shorter the penis" ... The grief of the limousine driver is impressive.
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Life is easy and simple only when it is pure.
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Why, when love begins, they say: love is carrots! And when it passes, they say - Passed love, wilted tomatoes? What is the relationship between tomatoes and carrots?
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Surely, a mermaid with big breasts lives in a still pool, otherwise there would be no devils there!
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We do not take bribes, but gratitude is acceptable!
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Hell is scary. Paradise is boring. Fun on earth...
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Arrogance is not nobility, stupid speech is not a proverb.
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Try to translate the expression into a foreign language: "Well, put on a hat to hell, otherwise you will catch a cold in your ears"
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Two young hussars are walking, and Lieutenant Rzhevsky is meeting them:
- Lieutenant! How are you? What's new?
- Soon, fucking, to the ball.
This is how the famous Russian proverb "From the ship to the ball" was born.
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When I eat, I am deaf and dumb. When I'm drunk, I'm Jackie Chan.
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Humble as a lamb; business like a bee; red as a bird of paradise; it is true that the dove.
Cool sayings status phrases proverbs
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Men's saying "Love comes and goes, but you always want to eat"
It sounds feminine like “Husbands come and go, and everything in the house is mine”
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Everyone is needed in their place - but not everyone is in their place.
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Even adults like children put "likes" on the Internet.
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They say: -Where are you running ahead of the locomotive? Why ahead of the locomotive when you can fly ahead of the plane.)))
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The wife is not a relative!
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The saying: “Tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are,” is easy to challenge by answering; look at Judas - all his friends were perfect.
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They say, "It's better to regret what you've done than what you haven't done." But it's better to never regret anything at all. After all, everything in this life is for the better.
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Always treat people the way you want to be treated...
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The sea is for the sailors, the fish is for the fishermen, and the euro is for the Jews...
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Most of the shortcomings are absent.
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There is a saying: “God only gives us as much as we can handle!” Sometimes I sit and think: “Well, damn it, how much I can stand!”
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If you only suffer, you can quickly screw up.
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The road is a spoon for dinner, unless there are noodles for dinner.
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Tears do not pay debts.
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The sad anniversary of the electrician turned 220 ...
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As a child, Petya was often told: "Don't whistle - there will be no money." And when Petya grew up, he became a deputy and whistled so much from the budget that he stopped believing in omens.
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Thousands of thoughts around? Take the light ones, my friend!
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Give us, God, that everything be good, and what is not good, do not give us, God!
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TIME is gold, but no amount of gold is enough for you to buy time...
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People think that time passes. And time thinks that people pass.
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Six duties of a wife: in work - a servant, in conversation - a sage, in beauty - Lakshmi, in perseverance - like the Earth, in care - a mother, in bed - a harlot. (Indian proverb)
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The man who was able to move a mountain started by dragging small pebbles from place to place
Cool sayings status phrases proverbs
Today, a huge number of cool proverbs have appeared, derived from those that were before. The creativity and sophistication of current thinking, mixed with a thirst for humor, makes individual advanced thinkers come up with more and more new methods of presenting the meaning of unshakable truths. And they do it well. And the meaning is more global, and you can laugh. Consider some of the current variations of proverbs that are most widely used.
Who does not know the ancient truth about the fact that the further you go deep into the forest, the more firewood there is in it? Of course, everyone. And moreover, since the school bench. But individual "thinkers" of our time fundamentally disagree with what may be lurking in the depths of the forest. So they give out the following ideas, which are becoming popular among the people. Funny proverbs, in principle, are the same jokes, but only very short ones. So, the options for what can be in the depths of the forest. The further into the forest, the:
There are even some kind of paradoxes, such as this cool proverb: "The farther into the forest - the more firewood, the more firewood - the less forest."
The proverb that no matter how much you feed the wolf, he still looks towards the forest, trying to run away, also turned out to be quite capacious. Here are some of the variations on this theme. No matter how many wolves you feed, but:
Most interesting is the interpretation regarding the guests. This is truly a masterpiece funny proverb: "No matter how much you feed a guest, he will still get drunk." Just the crown of someone's powers of observation.
Modern proverbs and sayings are also full of variations on the theme: "Work is not a wolf - it will not run away into the forest." Here are the top four from this "niche". Work is not a wolf:
As for the work, there are other variations. For example, modern proverbs about work include the following: “I did the job - it’s easier for the mare”, composed of “clean” parts of two Russian proverbs at once: “I did the job - walk boldly” and “A woman with a cart - it’s easier for the mare”. Although both of these have a huge number of their interpretations, which we will discuss below.
The main and most topical proverb today about work is someone’s masterpiece: “You can’t earn all the money, some will have to be stolen.” Today, almost all officials of our time are guided by it. Ordinary citizens make do with the proverb: “I can’t stand while others are plowing. I'm going to lie down..." In general, the whole global meaning and truth are contained in the following innovative proverb about work: “No matter how hard you work, there will always be a bastard who, working less, gets more.”
The way the indisputable truth “Did the job - walk boldly” sounds is also dissatisfied with the mass of “remakes”. Hence the huge number of cool proverbs with the same saying. So, did the job:
Now about the woman on the cart, which has always been a hindrance, both to the horse and to the peasant who sits at the reins. Here the people "heaped up" the following truths, also not without meaning. Baba with a cart:
One head it's good, but two better. Excellent statement. Only at the time when it was invented, there was no mutation, no radiation. Today's people really noticed that "one head is good, but two is a mutation." And here are other interpretations of the known truth. One head is good, but:
Modern people do not agree with the famous saying of Julius Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici, that is, translated into Russian, "I came, I saw, I conquered." As for “I came, I saw,” no one has any doubts. But with the word "won" there is a problem. According to many, there should be something different. Came and saw:
More relevant and topical, of course, is "I came, I saw and I filmed." So now everyone does, who has a smartphone with them. And he, as you know, is with him now with everyone.
Everyone still suspects that "it's good where we are not." As it turned out, this is far from the case. According to some people, it turns out that:
There are so many funny proverbs on this topic that it’s impossible to count them all. We will select the most advanced thoughts on this matter. So, he laughs well who:
Nobody doubts this. The proverb is almost always repeated in its unmodified form. But for some reason, many people like to make explanations for it. Let's see what the strong minds of this world want to bring us. A rolling stone gathers no moss:
On this happy note, we end this article. All the best to you and good mood!
But it happened - and the goat ate the wolf.
Without leprosy for an hour.
The armless crate robbed, the bare-bellied man put in his bosom, the blind peeped, the deaf eavesdropped, the dumb guard shouted, the legless ran in pursuit.
Feel at home, but don't forget that you are visiting.
There was a mare - there was no collar; they got the clamp - the mare was gone.
He lived in people - he saw the light, he shod an ax on his leg, girded himself with an ax handle.
Elderberry in the garden, and uncle in Kyiv. I love you because Wednesday is a holiday.
You laugh, but we don’t even have half a laugh.
You can't buy a cheerful disposition.
Fun is salvation from troubles.
Fun is not a hindrance.
The winds blew - the hat was blown off, the caftan was removed, the mittens fell off by themselves.
I saw jelly in a dream, so there was no spoon; went to bed with a spoon - did not see jelly.
The crow flew, the dog sat on its tail.
That's why she didn't shoot: she wasn't loaded.
Here's a cookie for you: whatever you want, that's what you'll buy.
It doesn't matter: what is eighteen, what is two to twenty.
They say that chickens are milked and cows lay eggs.
The goal is wise, the goal is cunning, the need went to inventions: the stockings are new, the heels are bare, she walks barefoot herself.
Thunder rumbles, but not from a cloud, but from a dunghill.
Chest wide open, tongue not shoulder.
The lip is not a fool, the tongue is not a spatula: it knows what is bitter, what is sweet.
Let's visit each other: first you will call me, and then I will come to you.
Let's be friends: then I come to you, then you take me to you.
Even a subtle sneer bites.
It is clear that the matter is dark.
Day to night - ahh shorter.
A good joke does not destroy friendship.
Good, let's knock down a bucket: hoops under the bench, and riveting in the oven - it will not leak.
Do not joke more than a ruble.
Went for nothing, brought - nothing.
If it weren’t for if and not but, he would have been a general for a long time.
There is a fur coat, and sewn, but sewn on the wolf.
Rode does not go and "well" no luck.
Wait for the cancer on the mountain to whistle.
A bun with kvass, yogurt with milk went on a spree.
Hello, godfather! - I was at the market. - Are you deaf? - I bought a rooster. - Farewell, godfather! - I gave five altyns.
We know you, not for the first time, you were with us, the boots were gone that time, we didn’t think about you, only after you we didn’t have anyone.
And the wolf grins, not laughs.
And we do not slurp cabbage soup.
And it happens that a sheep eats a wolf.
Ivan, bridle my filly! – And what about you? - Yes, you see, a chunk in your hands. - Well, put it in your hat! - Do not climb.
Ivan, tell my horse "whoa"! - What about yourself? - Lips are cold.
From a flea, a shaft, and from a match, an ax handle.
Thirty-three lackeys came out of the wasp tongue.
Other laughter responds to weeping.
If not if not, then mushrooms would grow in the mouth.
No matter how you turn the dog, and the tail is behind.
No matter how you turn, one is shorter than the other.
What is your name? - They call it a name, but they call it a duck.
The goat disappeared: it was eight - it became nine.
Finished the job - walk boldly.
The cow roars, the bear roars, and who is tearing whom, the devil himself will not make out.
They cut the cow in two: they milked the backside, and boiled it in the front.
Kochet laid an egg, and the crow cackled.
Whoever sat on a nail is not in the mood for jokes.
Who ate the pie? - Not me! - And who else to give? - To me.
Who knows how to have fun, grief is afraid of that.
Laziness, open the door - you'll burn! - I'll burn, but I won't open it!
People praise - they will not praise, people blaspheme - they will not blaspheme; the winds blow - they will not scatter; the sun dries - does not dry; rains wet - do not soak.
The bear is not a dog's pleasure; a pig in the garden is not a gardener, and a wolf is not a shepherd to sheep; a bad judge, who is stupid or deaf.
Medvel caught! - Bring it here! - Don't go! - So go yourself! - Don't let me!
Mix business with idleness, spend your life with fun.
We soaked, we soaked, then we began to dry. We dried, we dried, they threw it into the water to wet.
On a fly with an ax, on a mosquito with a butt.
It's cold outside, and money is melting in your pocket.
They don't get angry at a joke.
Don't care about the bed, and you can sleep on the floor.
Do not be afraid of the dog - the owner is on a leash.
Not for anything, anything but other things.
Not everyone laughs who bares their teeth.
Dad didn’t buy a hat - let his ears freeze.
Don't laugh, peas, no better than beans.
Do not laugh, kvass, not better than us!
Don't poke your nose, Friday, before Thursday, wait your turn.
Not like that, and not very much.
It’s not so funny that it entered the yard, it’s funny that it doesn’t leave the yard.
Don't mess with fire - you'll get burned.
Attack is afraid of a smile.
Neither one nor the other boiled, and even that burned.
One leg is shod, the other is bare, and if there was a third, I don’t know how it would go.
In one fell swoop, a hundred beatings, and not counting the rest.
He doesn’t say for nothing: he will spread the word like a pitchfork, and he is silent.
It's a bad joke that ends in a fight.
Let's live - we'll make a fur coat, but we won't make it, even if we say that it was acquired.
He hit the sky with his finger - in the very middle.
Come visit me when I'm not at home.
It is easier to keep laughing than to stop laughing.
Mat, than not clothes, but there is also a festive sack.
Sit where you are.
Knocked down, knocked together - that's the wheel! Sat down and went - oh, good! I looked back: some knitting needles are lying.
There are no weddings without jokes and jokes.
The heart rejoices and the face blossoms.
Rocktooths are not loved.
Laughter is not a sin.
Laughter for no reason is a sign of foolishness.
Laughter through tears.
Laughter is laughter, and deed is deed.
You will not be full of laughter.
Dog, what are you barking? I scare wolves. - Dog, what tail tucked? - I'm afraid of wolves.
In front - the sea, behind - grief, on the right - moss, on the left - "oh."
Stop - stagger, walk - do not stumble, speak - do not stutter, lie - do not lie.
So don't ooh, ooh again.
It's funny to you, but it hit my heart.
Do not jest, in which there is no way.
Titus, go thresh! - My belly hurts. - Titus, go sip cabbage soup! "Where's my big spoon?"
He does not lose heart who trusts in God.
You shut up, and I will assent.
A fool has stupid jokes.
Who has nothing, but we have the same.
The gloomy fun is boring, the fun and boredom is fun.
He's got the devil in the lining, Satan in the patch.
Anything, whatever, not whatever, whatever.
A smile helps a joke, it lifts the mood.
The mind says: it's time to leave the yard, and the hop says: we'll wait for the beating, but go home together.
Know how to do business, know how to have fun.
Know how to joke - know how to stop.
Know how to joke - know how to laugh it off.
Clever as a pop Semyon: he sold books, bought cards, climbed into a barn, but plays alone.
Skillfully to joke - to amuse people.
Smart, smart! The whole street knows about it, the rooster and the hen, the cat Yermoshka and me a little.
Fedul, why pouted his lips? - Yes, the caftan burned through. - Can you make it? - There is no needle. - How big is the hole? Yes, there is one gate left.
I wanted to sit on two chairs, but ended up on the floor.
What are you carrying? - Hay. - What hay, it's firewood! - And if you see, then why do you ask?
What should we build a house: draw - we will live.
What are you doing? - Nothing. - What about you? Yes, I help him.
Joke and be careful, otherwise you can get into trouble.
Joke, don't joke.
Joke jokes, but don't muddy people.
A joke is a minute, but it charges for an hour.
A joke warms a person.
Joke is a joke, but business is business.
If you love jokes on Thomas, then love on yourself.
A good neighbor is not slandered by a joke, but the tongue on a joke, like a razor, is sharpened.
To joke a joke - to amuse everyone.
I am not me, and the horse is not mine, and I am not a driver.
A joke is like salt: one must joke carefully.
Be able to joke - be able to stop.
A joke warms a person.
They don't get angry at a joke.
Jokes to joke - to kill people.
Know how to joke - know how to laugh it off.
Every joke has some truth.
If you love a joke on Thomas, then love on yourself.
Make fun of yourself: you will laugh healthier.
Jokingly said, but seriously conceived.
Joke, don't joke.
Do not joke with such a joke, who is sensitive to every word.
Joke, but be careful, otherwise you can get into trouble.
Don't joke, Makar, since you didn't reach your hat.
A good neighbor is not slandered by a joke, but the tongue is sharpened in a joke, like razors?
Do not joke more than a ruble.
You joke on others, love a joke on yourself.
The joke doesn't go down the drain.
Do not jest, in which there is no way.
Joke - a minute, and business - an hour.
Joke is a joke, but business is business.
A good joke does not destroy friendship.
Whoever loves jokes, everyone loves him.
A joke is a minute, but it charges for an hour.
If you don't like jokes, don't joke about it.
They don't like boredom.
Don't play with fire - you'll get burned.
Who jokes jokes, he twists the whip on himself.
Cham the fool is not joking.
The joke is not for the sake of harm and not for the sake of shame.
To joke a joke - to amuse everything.
Jokingly, people drink honey.
For bread and salt, every joke is good.
No time for jokes for a fish, if they grab it with a hook under the gills.
Every joke is dissolved in two: the cat is amusing, but the mouse is in trouble.
There is no truth in jokes.
He joked, and joked.
Though a joke, even a laugh, yes it would be a success.
Who gets up early, his alarm clock is in a hurry.
How many wolf do not feed - two weeks and he will die.
No matter how many wolves you feed, how many you don’t call cattle, anyway, bastard, he doesn’t take off his New Year’s costume after the matinee.
It's like looking for a needle in a stack of needles.
Who does not smoke and does not drink, he probably already smoked and drank.
Do not have 100 rubles, but have friends at the service station.
Fed to the hungry is not a friend, but a potential breakfast.
What a sober man has in his head, a drunk man has in his hand.
Long loaf to the blonde - a head.
Either pan or propane.
For business - "Time", and for fun - "Vesti" on the Russia TV channel.
Hunger is not an aunt, hunger is Glodno.
The underlying stone and water are the predicate.
Done a deed - fabricate a new deed.
An apple differs from an apple tree only in the suffix -onk.
Don't be born beautiful, but be born 3800.
You can't stretch your tongue to Kyiv.
A woman with a cart - an article for discrimination.
What fell from the cart is a woman.
Not in a horse count.
Measure it seven times, take it off once and put it on YOUTUBE.
Without P You can't get a fish out of a pond with ore.
There is nothing to blame on the mirror if there is no mirror.
Small spool, but no.
Don't drink bitches...they don't deserve it.
With the world on a thread - a naked ball.
Work is not a wolf, it will not bite for the ass.
Love is evil, you will love Zverev too.
Love honey, love diathesis.
funny news
Modern funny proverbs and sayings
Modern folklore - funny proverbs and sayings, such as jokes - jokes.
Modern alterations of old proverbs or new sayings that may eventually become popular.
BUT
To be afraid of asphalt - do not walk at all.
Alcohol is harmful in small quantities.
You can't drink alcohol!
B
A woman with a cart - the wolves are full.
A woman with a cart - an hour of fun.
A woman with a cart is less than a mare.
Take care of him like an apple - in a way!
They take the envy of other people's belongings.
A mad child - do not give a knife.
Without labor - you will not spoil the porridge with butter.
Without labor, you will not pull out.
Only the second mouse gets free cheese...
Take care of your honor from your youth, if your face is crooked.
Take care of honor from a young age - you will love a goat too!
A big ship - a big torpedo.
Big Ship - Eleven Oscars...
Fight and seek - find and hide.
The rich man is rich in money, And Petrosyan is funny.
There are never too many bottles of champagne.
AT
At 45, the woman supposedly again.
Got the tug? Ob.ralsya, and fled.
It's hard to get into history, but it's easy to fall into it.
Suddenly only champagne runs out.
After all, we can, when not necessary!
There is a genius in all of us. And every day it gets stronger.
Grabbed the tug, do not forget to go to the shower.
Grab your chest and say something.
He took up his ass - do not say that you are not happy.
Seeing us is one pleasure, not seeing us is another.
A healthy FRIEND in a healthy BODY.
What you fell in love with, then kiss.
He who steals apples does not fall far from the apple tree.
Vodka, vodka, cucumber - that's the little man who drank himself.
Time heals, but money heals faster.
All is well that swings well.
Everything happened by chance, although it was planned.
Everything ingenious is a sheet.
Everything is going well, except...
Meet by clothes, see off in the morning.
They are greeted by clothes, beaten by muzzle.
Survive yourself - survive the other.
G
Where a woman is, there is a market; where there are two, there is a market.
The main thing, guys, is not to age with pepper.
The eyes are afraid, and the hands are dirty.
Eyes are afraid - do not look at the price tag.
The stupid get married and the smart get married.
The dirt is not fat—it dried up and fell off.
Naked on inventions is cunning.
A goose is not a hindrance to a pig.
D
Yes, there is still gunpowder in the flasks and berries in the buttocks.
Donated apartment in the bathroom do not look.
Children's rake - they hit harder.
Money is not a luxury, but a means of drinking.
During the day we bend - at night we disperse.
They pay the debt naked.
Friends are known in food.
The day was not in vain.
Cause time - sweat now.
For a good cat and in February March.
We'll live until the wedding.
Let's catch up and overtake, get it and stop!
Fedot thought that it was getting dark, and this was the hood opening
E
He's not cuter when he's gone.
There are also balls in bloomers.
If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same.
If you have nothing to do, then do not do it here!
If a woman calls you a bastard, then you did everything right.
If there are warm starry nights at the end of May, give birth in February.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
If you haven't married before the age of 20, then it's already too early.
There is only a moment between the past and the future. That is what is called life.
If you do not take up your mind in time, you soon have to grab your head.
If you give to everyone, the bed will break
If you are happy for more than one day, then something is being hidden from you.
If the first time you did not succeed - parachuting is not for you...
The hedgehog is a proud bird - you won’t kick, it won’t fly.
AND
Greed is the sister of talent.
Live in the wilderness, and write letters to us.
A woman is the same man, only better...
Women can do everything, but some are shy.
Wives give birth to children to us, mistresses - from us.
Life is a deadly sexually transmitted disease...
Life is what it is and nothing else. What is it?
Life is a hard thing, no one has endured it yet.
Life goes by so quickly, as if it is not interested in us...
Life hasn't worked out, of course, but everything else is fine.
Z
Be satisfied with legal money and one.
Ending harassment with an apology can offend any woman
If you chase one hare, you won't catch two.
If you chase two hares, the trolleybus will leave without a conductor.
Do not look down the barrel of a loaded tank
Pouddpiv brains, you can save on noodles.
Land - peasants, crosses - earthlings.
The golden rule of a girl: if you don’t know what to say, smile and straighten your bra.
And
The turkey also thought he was bathing until the water boiled.
To
Each vegetable has its own fruit.
Everyone earns according to their depravity.
Each creature - on the hare!
Each person is right in his own way, but in my opinion - no.
Everyone errs to the best of his ability.
Every man has a right to the left.
What Russian does not like to quickly, a lot and for free.
What Russian doesn't like wet..riding?!!
No matter how you turn it - well ... pas behind.
How many girls are good - but somehow they are drawn to the bad ones.
You can't forbid living beautifully. But you can interfere...
The gut is thin and our tanks are fast
Who got up earlier, that and slippers.
Those who are rich are happy.
Whoever is last enters.
Who is the last, that and dad!
Who does not work, he broke.
Whoever comes to us with a sword will receive it in a plowshare.
Whoever remembers the old will become a Cyclops.
Who stood in traffic jams, he does not laugh at the moped.
Who gets up early - gets others.
Who with what to us why, that from that and - that.
When you decide to shake the old one, make sure it doesn't fall off!!!
In addition to other people's troubles, there are other joys in life.
Lyokha was cool, but they threw him like a sucker.
Who gets up early - he lives far from work.
Who does not risk, he does not lie in a cast.
When you say what you think, think what you say!
When the mermaid sits on the twine ...
When there is little time, there is no time for friendship, only love.
A crutch is not a luxury, but a means of transportation.
The amount of unwashed dishes is a constant value, limited by the height of the faucet.
L
The stench comes from the skin.
Laziness is subconscious wisdom.
Better late than none.
Only highlanders can be better than mountains.
Better a hundred times never than a hundred times at once.
Lie down girl big and small.
Better with a sweetheart in a hut than with a shovel in a dugout.
Better a tit in the hands than in any other place.
It is better to roam in Honduras than to roam in Kolyma.
Better a tit in the hands than a duck under the bed.
Better a titmouse in the hands than a woodpecker in the f.pe
Better to sweat seven times than frost once!
Better a pie in the sky than a woodpecker in the ass.
It is better to be the first Maya than the eighth March! ..
Better with Petrov in Mallorca than with a major in Petrovka
Better to oversleep than undereat.
It's better to give birth once than to shave every day...
It is better to touch once than to see a hundred times.
It is better to work with love than to make love with difficulty.
All cavities are submissive to love.
If you like to ride - love and ride.
Do you like to ride, love and carry females!
All planes are submissive to love.
Any skirt looks best on the back of a chair.
