A closed woman does not have a clear and real image of herself, there is a substitution and an invented image. And if she sees something that does not correspond to this image, then she immediately falls upon herself with harsh criticism, condemnation, discontent and even contempt.
This leads to a violation of self-awareness in relationships with other people. After all, everything should be “correct”. When she is faced with "wrong", it is difficult for her to survive.
A naturally closed woman keeps her emotions under control. Everything must be “correct” - clothes, actions. Feelings are uncontrollable and imperfect.
Therefore, it is difficult for her to enter into close contact with people, for example, hugging when meeting, it is difficult to talk about her feelings and it is difficult to express them. A huge number of women today do not know how to express tenderness, affection, love, they cannot express either closeness or location. They are shy and afraid.
We hide feelings not only from ourselves, but also from a man. We become emotionally closed, lose naturalness and attractiveness. A man is not interested in such a woman.
A closed woman cannot build sincere relationships, because fear lives in her heart, not love. She is afraid of resentment, deceit, betrayal, pain. And he does not know that love is a force that can melt any painful experiences.
A closed woman desperately needs human warmth, close contacts, and understanding. But protecting oneself and building walls causes alienation of others and, of course, suffers.
Ignoring your feelings, it is difficult to experience pleasure and satisfaction with yourself and life.
After all, closing ourselves from feelings, we close ourselves not only from negative experiences, but also do not let a lot of good things into our lives: love, communication, new friends, abundance, and finally, men. By becoming the Iron Lady, we lose the ability to love and experience love.
Try to express your feelings with the help of not only words, but also movements, facial expressions and gestures, emotionally color your speech.
Open up. What concrete steps can be taken in this direction:
Pay attention to how you are represented on social networks. Is there a photo and what kind.
Is there a signature in the mailbox. Some are encrypted so that instead of the name and surname there are only asterisks.
Psychologists believe that the avatar directly reflects how a person sees himself and what a person identifies with. A close-up photograph where the eyes are visible can speak of a person's openness.
All other options speak of closeness, distance and unwillingness to show the real one.
For example:
Take a step towards openness. Do not be afraid!
To be happy, you need to open and unlock, let fresh air and renewal come into your space.
Let go of internal control. Do not be afraid of condemnation and negative assessments. Don't try to please everyone and live up to anyone's expectations. And above all, their invented expectations about the ideal.
Take off all your masks, because masks repel, and naturalness attracts and attracts. And to become happy, you need to remove the mask of even perfection.
Without openness, it is impossible to build sincere and close relationships, because everything is closed: the inner space is squeezed, the body is constricted and tense, the consciousness is clogged with outdated attitudes. And if we want to change this world, make it cleaner, kinder, then we need to start with ourselves.
Give the love of your heart to this world! And for this you need to open up, trust and say “YES!”
Tatyana Dzutseva.
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Self-control in our time is a rare and valuable quality that fewer people possess. Few people manage to maintain their calmness in everyday life with its rapid pace and constant stress. This applies equally to adults and children, and especially teenagers. Of course, adolescence has a lot of advantages over the rest, but it also brings its own problems and emotions, which not everyone can cope with.
And learn to overcome the difficulties and problems that you have to face in life? How to maintain peace of mind and learn to make the right decisions?
First of all, you need to take care of your self-control and self-discipline. It’s not easy, but once you learn how to manage your emotions, everything will start to turn out much easier for you. If you find yourself in a situation where you are literally overwhelmed with such strong emotions as anger, irritability, and even anger, try doing one simple exercise. Mentally imagine that everything that happens is paused. The next step is to take ten deep breaths. If this does not help you, count to ten and take a few vigorous breaths. This exercise, despite its simplicity, will allow you to control your negative feelings and prevent your emotions from upsetting the delicate balance of the world around you.
It is very difficult to deal with such a phenomenon as irritability, especially in cases where by nature you are endowed with a choleric temperament. However, man, unlike animals, is endowed with consciousness, which should help him control his feelings and emotions. As you know, they recommend, on the contrary, to give vent to each of their emotions, but it can be objected that the signs of upbringing and civilization are precisely self-control, thanks to which a person can control his behavior.
Of course, you can't keep everything to yourself. Just being among other people, try to maintain your moral face, and give a splash of emotions when you are alone with yourself and this cannot harm the people around you.
Never become isolated in your problems, experiencing each unsuccessful situation for you an infinite number of times. This path leads to melancholy, and this can only harm you.
How to become less emotional if the situation is not the most favorable for you? Find yourself some distraction to do. What it will be is absolutely unimportant, the main thing is that your mind stops thinking about problems. It is possible that you won’t be able to get rid of emotions in this way right away, but don’t get upset and be persistent, then it will become much easier for you.
The best way to deal with any negative emotions is to engage in active activities. This will help you not only keep your body in shape, but also distract your mind from problems, so you can forget about all your problems.
The type of sport does not matter. The main thing is that he requires you to return a large amount. It could be running, rowing, boxing or swimming. Fully giving all the best physically, you will give yourself a wonderful emotional discharge, getting rid of anger, hatred, misunderstanding.
When you feel that your body is at the limit of its capabilities, know that all the negative from you has already gone and it's time to start filling your soul with positivity.
In order to become less emotional, other techniques can be applied, with the help of which not only your body but also your soul receives. Start reading more, visit exhibitions, museums and concerts, take walks in nature.
When you find yourself in a difficult situation, because of which you want to give free rein to your feelings, think about the fact that right now, right at this moment, somewhere there is a person who is much worse off than you. Replace your destructive feelings with others, such as sympathy and mercy for those whose lives are more unhappy than yours.
Depending on various factors, impulsivity can either help a person in life or create completely unnecessary problems. The issue of excessive emotionality is completely solved, although it requires the development of certain habits.
Emotional thinking and emotional reactions are quite in demand in everyday life. They are usually not very accurate and not always adequate to what is happening, but they are almost instantaneous. Yes, they are often exaggerated, even a minor nuisance can be very upsetting. But they operate on the principle of "better safe than sorry". That is their nature.
Of course, everything is good in moderation. And if emotionality becomes a problem, then it is worth taking a series of efforts to reduce the frequency and intensity of emotional reactions.
Step 1. Do not fall into a whirlpool of emotions
In other words, don't screw yourself up. Emotional reactions are much faster than rational ones. This is due to the anatomy of the brain and is a consequence of its evolutionary development. Therefore, it is almost impossible to prevent an emotional reaction.
So, firstly, you don’t need to reproach yourself if, for example, you cursed out of place or behaved not quite reasonably in this or that situation. The associated reputational costs should simply be put up with. And the outburst of emotions that happened must be accepted as a fait accompli.
Secondly, you need to try to extinguish the surging emotions, not allowing them to call themselves. This is not so difficult to do if you make it a habit to try to quickly exhaust any incident.
For example, you are driving a car and some boor cuts you off in a very unsafe way. You are outraged and, perhaps, vilify him with your last words. You are certainly right, but the point is not that, but that this incident must be settled sooner or later. In the vast majority of cases, it's easier to put what happened out of your head as quickly as possible and go about your business as if nothing had happened.
Some situations are difficult to bear. But in the end, they all have to be digested and continue to live as if nothing had happened. And the sooner this happens, the better.
Step 2. The Habit of Rationalizing
If you can manage not to fall into the maelstrom of emotional reactions from the very first second, then you have a chance to wait for a more accurate and balanced rational reaction from the neocortex of your brain. Such a rational reaction also does not require any volitional efforts. She just needs to wait. Rational reaction is slow but precise.
I think many people know the feeling when they slashed from the shoulder, did something quickly, and then realized that they had done the wrong thing.
Many reproach themselves, they say, measure seven times - cut one, first think, and then do, etc. In fact, reproaches are useless here: emotions will still be ahead of reason. Figuratively speaking, emotions always make their move first. But they don't have to walk all the time, move must move to rational thinking.
Thus, our task is simply to accustom ourselves in any situation to wait for our second, more balanced rational reaction. Just believe me, the mind is not sitting idle, give it a little time and it will say its word.
Having learned to strive for the speedy exhaustion of situations and getting used to waiting for the voice of reason, any person can easily reduce the overall level of his emotionality. And may we continue to react to trifles for some time. It's OK. Everything passes and this will pass. In fact, peace of mind is not the most difficult goal to achieve if you know how to go towards it.
NATA CARLINModern reality leaves a certain imprint on the psyche of people. We become increasingly irritable, angry, unbalanced and emotionally unstable. Stop reacting to unpleasant situations does not mean becoming insensitive. Mental resilience is trained in the same way as physical strength. This is a gradual and systematic process, to which you need to make certain efforts, and strive to become a balanced and wise person.
Psychologists compare the emotional stability of a person with a shield that protects against negativity and evil. It helps to reduce the negative on the person.
There are a few rules to follow to become an emotionally stable person:
Stop and concentrate.
Undoubtedly, each of us felt this way, and makes it impossible to think rationally. This applies equally to both positive and negative emotions.
Do not dwell on how your body reacted to an external stimulus. If you have a rapid heartbeat or perspiration, then the manifestations will only become stronger if you focus on them;
Don't follow a general pattern. Do not model for yourself the development of a particular situation. The minute the brain receives a signal about the occurrence of a stimulus, it causes the body to react as programmed in advance. Therefore, do not respond to irritation at the same second. Stop, count slowly to ten, and begin to form a new pattern of behavior;
Watch your own behavior. This will help remove unnecessary reactions that have become habitual. A person's reaction to an external stimulus consists of a set of reactions to several information flows from different sense organs. By focusing your attention on what you are now feeling and hearing, you will save yourself from a surge of unnecessary stereotyped emotion.
At the moment when you react to a stimulus, your body responds accordingly - it trembles, it is doused with cold or heat, sweats, muscles tense up, the pulse quickens, breathing becomes intermittent, etc. These sensations occur at a time when, under the influence of stress, the sympathetic nervous system releases a huge amount of activating hormones into the blood. These include the well-known adrenaline. Take a deep breath, then the same exhale. Continue until you realize that the tension is receding.
Use belly breathing. You should feel that when you take a deep breath, the muscles of your abdomen diverge from tension;
Place one hand on the chest, the other on the stomach. It does not matter in what position you will do this exercise (sitting, lying or standing), the main thing is to straighten your back. Inhale air long and slowly through your nose, then exhale it just as long through pursed lips. At least six such breaths should be taken per minute;
Focus on these exercises to take your mind off the problem.
Smiling is one of the manifestations that a person experiences. Smile and you will cheer yourself up.
If you smile, you feel better. Stand in front of a mirror and smile at yourself. But don't just do it with your lips. Engage in this process all the muscles of the face, and especially the eyes. Does not work? Then make faces, it will surely cause not only a smile, but also laughter.
Imagination.
By turning on your imagination, you can find for yourself that quiet and safe place where adversity and misfortune will pass you by. By training the imagination, a person is able to greatly simplify his own attitude to life.
The emotional stability of a person begins with the fact that a person ceases to feel in danger. Look for the safest place for yourself, where troubles and hardships will pass you by. If there is none in real life, come up with it for yourself - an azure seashore, a mountain peak, a boat in the middle of the quiet expanse of a lake, etc .;
Now make sure no one bothers you. To do this, choose a place and time where no one will disturb you. You only need a few minutes to be alone with yourself;
Sit comfortably in a chair or sofa. Take the position in which you feel comfortable.
What does he look like? What do you feel there? What does it smell like and what sounds do you like the most?
Regain your breath, relax. If you don't succeed the first time, don't blame yourself. and anxiety may appear. Try again, and you will definitely succeed;
Try to imagine each negative emotion in the form of a certain object, phenomenon or animal. Imagine that . Without an influx of oxygen, it will not be able to burn, so “cover it with a glass cap” and watch how the flame goes out. Or imagine that stress is an annoying mouse that spends the night under the floor and disturbs your sleep. Let the "cat-savior" into the room, which will quickly deal with the rodent, and free you from emotional worries.
Learn to manage stress.
In a state of stress, it is difficult for a person to manage their emotions. It is impossible to avoid them, but managing stress is a whole science. There are several ways to help calm down and relieve yourself of stress:
A few deep breaths and long exhalations will help you calm down and begin to perceive the situation adequately;
Mentally count to ten slowly to give yourself time to concentrate on the problem;
Take a time out and step back from the problem for a few minutes, then come back and tackle it with renewed vigor.
Turn off cognitive distortions.
These are certain patterns of behavior that have formed in the human head, as standard reactions to certain stimuli. It happens that these models can work simultaneously, which leads to an overload of feelings and emotions. If you learn to recognize and eliminate cognitive distortions, you will free yourself from unnecessary experiences.
Constant premonition of catastrophe (catastrophism).
This is a state when a person “inflates” every event to the size of an irreparable catastrophe. When you go so far in your thoughts that you no longer rely on real facts for a long time, but only feel how the horror grows from all the new “details” that your imagination draws to you. This leads to the fact that you experience several negative emotions at once: anger, sadness, longing, irritation, etc.
You call your husband, and he does not answer the phone for a while. Five minutes later, you try again - the result is the same. In your soul: “It cannot be that he does not answer my calls! So he was angry with me for something. For what? What did I say or do wrong? Maybe he found another who is smarter and more obedient than me? What to do"?
Reassure yourself in every incomprehensible situation that reflections should be based on facts. Don't let your thoughts cling to speculation and conjecture. Do not build chains on what has not been proven. If he doesn't answer, it means he's busy. And about the offense and the presence in the life of the husband of another woman, you need to ask him himself.
Overgeneralization or "all in one heap".
People who try to find a connection between facts that have nothing in common suffer from such an assessment of the situation.
You went through a difficult interview and were turned down for a job. Many in a similar situation do not despair, and continue to look for work. But there are those who tend to be selfish and think that his failure is directly related to the "curse" that a neighbor placed on him, or the fact that he is a failure in life. And from this it follows that he will never find a job;
If you notice a similar train of thought behind you, do not despair, it is fixable! Find evidence that you are a failure. Yes, you do not have a decent job today, because there was a reduction in staff at the old duty station, and you fell under it. Maybe you do not fit the company in which the level of knowledge or appearance. There are two options for correcting the situation: you find a problem, get rid of it and try again to pass an interview, or you go to another company, successfully pass this stage, and get a highly paid and interesting job. Conclusion - one failure cannot be a pattern. It so happens that in the life of every person there can be “black stripes”.
extremes.
There is a category of people that divides the world into "white" and "black". There are no halftones for them. Either everything has to be perfect, or they don't need anything at all! Such a position is contrary to all laws of common sense. By making excessive demands on himself, a person will only achieve that he will be aware of his uselessness and worthlessness. This will end in a state of deep depression.
You are on a strict diet. However, it turns out that you find yourself with your boyfriend in a cafe and eat a cake. Realizing that you violated the diet, you accuse yourself of weakness, worthlessness and give up. You think that now you will eat everything and get fat, since you could not do such a small thing for yourself;
Stop berating yourself! Imagine that your friend ate this cake. Would you condemn her for this "terrible offense"? Of course not! No achievement is easy for a person. On the way to the fulfillment of desires, they put a lot of effort. Force yourself to return to the diet and get back into the rhythm of a healthy lifestyle.
Open up to the world.
The formation of emotional stability begins with the fact that a person learns not to be afraid of the world and the people around.
Emotionally closed people do not get a complete picture of such feelings as love, trust, friendship, mutual understanding, etc.;
Don't become a perfectionist. This concept has nothing to do with ambition and the desire for self-development. It forces you to demand the unattainable from yourself in order to prove to others your worth. Open people are not afraid, they easily experience failures, quickly recover from them, and continue to go towards their intended goal.
To develop emotional stability in yourself, decide whether your life beliefs are firm or you are vacillating. This will help you maintain a sense of self-confidence in those moments when you need to defend your point of view.
March 22, 2014, 11:50 amOver-emotionality is a quick reaction to feelings such as anger, sadness, and fear when a person does not allow the mind to intervene in a situation. If you are overly emotional, then most likely your connection with your own emotions is not always constructive. But you need to listen to your emotions in a way that will benefit you, not harm.
Part 1
Change your emotional approachPractice breathing techniques. Breathing will help you calm down when you feel strong emotions such as rage, endless tears, or deep disappointment. If you feel overwhelmed by emotional tension, pause to focus on your breathing. Breathing techniques can help you manage your emotions more effectively and deal with intense feelings better. You may have noticed that when you experience strong emotions, the feeling of yourself and your own body escapes you. Breathing will help you move back into your own body, to the present moment.
Learn to react differently. If you're trying to deal with unpleasant emotions but find it difficult to distance yourself from the situation, try a different approach. You may not be able to eliminate the emotional experience, but you can deal with it more effectively. For example, if you're trying to deal with anger but still feel angry after you've distanced yourself from the situation, try drawing, coloring, or doing some exercise.
Use a stress diary. During the day, write in a diary about stressors, how you deal with them, how you react to them. Analyze which events you responded well to, and which ones were more difficult for you. Find ways to consistently deal with emotions that will help you quickly move away from them.
Change the situation. If you are constantly disappointed in yourself or your abilities, change your expectations. Perhaps you are a perfectionist and think that if something is not 100% done, then it should not be shared with other people. Especially if you have tight deadlines, there is nothing wrong with adjusting the situation to better manage your own emotions. For example, you might say to yourself, “Even though my project is not 100% perfect, I am proud of it and know that I did a good job.”
Remind yourself that feelings have power but are not always “truth”. Of course, you can feel your feelings, but remember that feeling is not the same as truth. The same goes for thoughts. When you want to react to something, remind yourself that you may not have all the information yet, and thoughts and feelings may change.
Part 3
Communication with othersAsk before judging. You may be jumping to conclusions instead of collecting all the information first. Instead of jumping to conclusions, wait until you have all the information. And while you're gathering information, don't plan your next move if you're in a quarrel. Ask questions and seek to understand the whole situation before judging or exposing yourself emotionally.
Do not react to emotional outbursts. If someone reacts very emotionally in a quarrel, you should not respond with such a reaction. Better practice your active listening skills. Reacting to the other person's strong emotions is likely to escalate the situation and do nothing to help resolve the problem.
Use sentences with "I". When you blame a person, you automatically put them on the defensive, which can lead to conflict. In addition, in this case, your interlocutor will be more inclined to accuse you of something in return. Take responsibility for your own emotions and express them without blaming others. When you take responsibility for your own emotions, you gain control over them.
Part 4
Establish a positive connection with emotionsDefine emotions. It is necessary to know how you feel so that you can respond appropriately to each emotion. Start thinking about what feelings arise in your body when you notice a certain emotion appear. For example, if you are feeling angry, you may notice your breathing quicken, your muscles tighten, or your face turn red.
